Rah Times

Wish I could see through your eyes, That your heart could feel the ache The pain and sadness in mine. Wish you knew, that I loved and accepted you. That it was not an explanation I needed, But for you, in turn, to have the same love for me. Wish you understood what it was that I wanted. That you were able to give that to me, Was aware that I had found what I was searching for, in you. Wish I was not so disappointed, wanting to close The chapter of you and me that was written Yet, so misunderstood by many as it were you. Wish I could relay to you what I intend to do, But this time, I do not wish anything of you. Only not to be disappointed as I was before. Wish you knew all that I wrote, wanted to say. That you took the time each day to read it. That perhaps you may one day, even if I’m gone. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Today, I went to pick up one of my older daughters from school in order to help me transport my other children to their activities. She willingly came but was uncertain she would be of much help. She said she had a major exam on Monday. I had a headache for most of the day. My left arm has been aching too. It felt as if, I got a shot in the arm and the breast that I had the biopsy, hurts. I do not remember any of my other biopsy hurting me any. Perhaps I worked myself up into getting upset. It is not so much about the biopsy but the many ways that the ones I trusted failed me. For years, I went through a lot and never said a word. Not until something was severely wrong did I decide to reach out. I do not usually call anyone unless they request that I do. Therefore, an expected call from me meant that I was under dire duress. There were two actual instances when I reached out to two different individuals, under such circumstances. In both instances, both people did not avail themselve...

I stopped momentarily to reflect, ponder about you. It is pertinent that I make a decision, soon. I know what I want to do, also know what I can’t. I keep telling myself it is going to be OK. I always remember that you once said, You would always take care of me, time has proven That your words have been anything but true. Yes, I am saddened, and a little blue but this is not the first. I know there will be many more days that I will feel this way. Once again, you have failed me. I have said too much already. Out of fear, afraid that despite your desertion, I would one day Be committed, pledge to you. How could I do that? You left me! You chose to disappear, not care about me, to be with others. To live as if you never knew me. Yet, I respect your choice. Not that I am happy about it because I am not, these are simply the facts! Now I am left here to document my journey as, though, this is the only thing I’ve got. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on t...

I have had three breast biopsies within a year. So far the last two has been negative, and that gave me a tremendous amount of reassurance. Today was my six months follow up, and I had an idea of how things would go. First, I had a mammogram, followed by the news of my needing an ultrasound, told to me, by a technician that appeared reluctant to deliver the message. It did not phase me any and even as the radiologist tried to tell me that this mass was different from the others. I argued with her that this too was of no significance just like the others but agreed to the biopsy. The doctors seemed way more adamant than they typically had been in the past. I tried my best for it not to upset me. I remained calm through the entire procedure, but became upset after I left the hospital. I knew that the doctors were only doing their jobs and that they were only expressing their concerns. So that was not what caused me to become upset. As I drove to my next stop, I thought about all ...

Dance with me, Dance with me my elegant prince. Perhaps what Giselle and Don Quixote, lacked Our love and dance will eloquently protray. A tale that will be passed on for all generation, some day. For tomorrow’s lovers to enjoy and gaze on in awe. Not only for the love of the dance, but to possess, The kind of love that worth capturing. The joy that it gives And the excitement of the anticipation that the dance brings. Dance with me my handsome prince, for it is for the warmth; The touch of your comforting arms that the angel sings, Would willingly cling. Dance with me, my dashing prince. It is of you and only you that the poet eloquently wrote, Pondered and stopped to consider the wonder of life, love That caused her feet to stop as her pounding heart, skipped a beat. For it was certainly not for the hurried but for the desire, finally to meet. Not even the challenges or tragedy of life could defeat me, if I got to dance Cheek to cheek with him, my true princ...

The Lord’s purpose, in what I call the first appearance, was to die a sacrificial death. Which person would have voluntarily obeyed and did what was expected of him, if he could have gotten out of doing that? The circumstances at that time inhibited him from walking away. If I have given the impression that I would not walk away from my current situation, that is an illusion. I am truly proficient at walking away from circumstances that are less than desirable. I believe that I am presently teaching my daughters to stay and try to handle a trying situation that I would probably advise them, to get the hell out of. For all the reasons, I maybe doing this, that is what trouble me the most. Currently my husband is being supportive of me. I feel that the only reason he is now, concerning dealing with our troubled child, is that he finally realized that, I was telling him the truth. When it comes to that child, I am extremely discouraged and intensely concerned about my safety because no ...

Unconditional love and acceptance in my opinion is the greatest gift that one life can bestow on another. In my experience from living in this country and abroad and traveling and interacting with different people from all walks of life, I found that it is a lot easier for the less fortunate to love unconditionally. This is one of the reasons; I enjoyed volunteering my time to help with missions. I especially appreciate the way; I have been received in the past. I have friends and family that I interact with here, yet whatever it was that I experienced when interacting with those, I served was a lot different. Perhaps it was because their love was all they have to give, so they willingly gave it. Or it could also be that they knew that I expected nothing in return. I think it ironic that I am more comfortable in the company of the neediest of human beings than those that are wealthy, or of similar economic status as myself. When people have a lot of possession, I believe it becomes a...

A poem I wrote that was published in "Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality," came to mind, this morning. It depicts my perpetual thoughts and feelings. The reason, I am sometimes thoughtful, but do not utter a word. This poem was written about eight years ago, while my husband laid about a foot away from me. Who can I tell the secret of my heart? I have no tears to cry, no one to call, A lump in my throat, an ache in my heart, A fear in my mind and a rattle in my bones. Where has my lover gone? He who promised to love me! Where is the laughter, the hug, The warmth of his body? Where is the comfort, Reassurance, and warm snuggle? The emptiness is overwhelming! Much vaster than the midnight chill, Without a doubt there's turmoil within, My body regresses to a familiar state. My heart still aches, my bones still quake, I feel as secure, as secure as any other! Wallowing in self-pity, tomorrow is another day, I may see things differently. My thoughts m...

I can recollect yesteryear as you could yesterday. Thoughts, reactions, the reason I then chose to walk alone. It was truly a drawback. Yet I understood your frustration, anger. Wish I could transmit it to you; It has the same effect on me now That I remembered as it first did. I was disappointed, my heart sank I then chose to say, goodbye. Knew you did not know. Wish I did not recall that time, that all I remembered was hello, Not what made me turn away. I wanted to be accepted on my own merit, Not for the woman that gave birth to me. For that is truly not my real identity. I revealed what was most important, because my true being was most relevant. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Fifty years of excuses passed on by a Father. Or was it his son's legacy handed down. Reasons for keeping things the same, Behavior learned, carried out for generations, No one speaks out, they all keep going on. An innocent frail girl stood With a smile, on her face,  anticipating The one she knew was her husband. He momentarily stopped and greeted. the child she pushed in the carriage. He disappeared in the underground tunnel. Day after day, she searched. But he was gone! Accompanied by the woman who joined him. She watched as they disappeared never to be seen, For seven years and all they were, was a blurry memory. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Celestials are light. They illuminate Shine ultra bright. Some but no all angels sing. Just as many lack wings. The fallen ones no longer shine. after the war in the sky, They were no longer God's, But are on Lucifer's side. They seem scary to men. some seen but don't acknowledge. Though they're harmless beings. Are equally as interested in people, As men are fascinated about them. It's The God in Me Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

A friend forwarded this photo to me. It placed a smile on my face because it brought to mind the poem I wrote comparing love to a flower. Most of the poems that appear on this web-site are based on my emotions at a precise moment in time. Some of them are based on my feelings as I wrestle with the Lord, but not all of them. They are all, however, my true opinion. We all need to water our friendships, relationships and marriages, if it is our desire to keep it alive and well. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

You can talk to me, Without muttering a word. You can talk to me, same as before. Told you all I’ve heard, Without any one making a sound. Utterance that can only be heard by me. Talk to me for unlike a bird I cannot fly but certainly Long to take flight, Just to be at your side. Talk to me, for I long to hear. As you would always appear, When my heart called out to you. Talk to me, for to you, I will always listen. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

If your love for me were like a flower, The tree from which it bloomed At this precise hour, would be on the verge Of being tossed aside for it would have Perished from living amidst a life long drought. Even flowers tend to blossom and come to life After it has been drenched by a rainy shower. If you pick a flower or keep it inside, In those conditions it would also wither and die. Only a minor child would fail to understand, That emotional drought sucks the life out of love. If you are a fair weather lover, it is easy to say, If it were true love, it can be resurrected some day. Yet true desire does not ignore or give away its beloved. It stays with it, through thick and thin, no matter, The complexities or whatever they find themselves in. There is no need for excuses or to report falsehood. For if it hurts, it is not love and never was Love is reliable and is always there, without a doubt Is highly obvious as is evident by showers of care. If it...

I believe in honesty, but in this life, there are times when sincerity does not get us what we want. The exact first time, I ever revealed myself to anyone was because I had sincerely fallen for a fellow. My reason for totally coming out now was not for love, but because I was upset. I now know that my purpose is for the benefit of others, and in knowing it is difficult then to have some of the same recipients turn against me. I know that when it comes to my little pity party that, I am on my own. Meaning, even he who knows me will not jump on his little white horse any time soon to come to my rescue. My intentions for revealing myself were not to force his hand to do that either. The only person I placed at risk is me. Ironically much of what I have said concerning my desertion was prophesied, even the things concerning my future success. It is just that I know that no one fully understand those prophecies. If I were someone else, I probably would be tickled pink, but I am what I am...

I can identify with every mother that gave birth to a beautiful child, for I did too. From the moment, I held my first biological daughter; I thought the earth was blessed with the most sticking being. I was pregnant with her shortly after the others arrived in my life. Having five other young children, I did not know how I would cope, but I must have some how because she appears well adjusted. When she was an infant, I was concerned and made an immense effort in meeting her needs. The last thing I wanted was for her to suffer because I had taken on such an enormous responsibility. The one thing I must say is she has an extremely pleasant personality and was able to become as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside, which I believe is most valuable. For the first time, yesterday, my husband and I took her shopping just her and us. Our sons were off at a Boy Scout camp, and my other daughter was in a band competition. As we navigated our way from shop to shop, vendor after ve...

Religious people live by rules. People’s whose soul are saved Has a Savior that will one day rule. There is a difference between the two. For there is nothing that one can do To earn the right to go to heaven. It is true; the way was paved for the Hebrews But later included all other people too. As it is known to me, Salvation is based On genuine belief in Christ, being repentant More than merely accepting that this is so But being convinced of it in your spirit. Bona fide remorsefulness that bring about change. For everyone will have to answer for their responses. Although, God will reward those that chose to do right. And send away the unbelievers, banish them from sight. For each will be responsible for his individual decision. It has nothing to do with repetitive religious rituals. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

On occasion on a Sunday morning, I am usually in a place of worship. I find the singing which is a form of devotion quite enjoyable. After the singing is over, I tussle with the rest of the service which is the teaching or the preaching. The reason for my struggle is because of the inaccuracies in what is being taught as truths. In the past, I diligently attended bible studies and most of those studies had a discussion aspect to it. During most of those, I actively participated imparting my opinion. Unfortunately, it has gotten to the point where if I were to be totally honest, it would appear as if my convictions were a totally different doctrine. The truth is that I have lost my desire to worship but only do so for the sake of my children. The purpose of my life was never about my pleasing myself, but was for the benefit of others; hence I continue to do some things solely for the sake of others. I am as equally as guilty of having all human reaction, even with understanding my p...

In the first quarter of 2012, I will see my long lost friend again. Initially, I struggled when we first parted. Then like now, I keep looking deep within Myself, not knowing how I would manage. I had gotten so used to seeing him quite often. It was not easy even for me simply to walk away. Was quite confusing, because I was sure. Surprised by the actual turn of events. Thought I had seen what was made known to him. When it did not happen, that baffled me. Now that, the mystery of me was finally revealed, I understand. Wish, I can say more, but I can’t, is as hard for me, Knowing the reasons, as it was when it was unknown. The things that caused me to rediscovered you; crushed, Opened my mind to my purpose, yours and others too. Remorseful that I remain elusive, cut off from what matters. For the sake of others, I hold out and am not forthright. Because in my humanity, I too have made mistakes, Inflicted heart ache on others, for that, I am sorry. Although...

Where did you go? What did you do? Who did you meet? I reflect on my questions, your thoughts, The hunger and wonderments of my heart. I close my eyes focusing on the desire. Simply to look only on the person of you. My aching body wants to be relaxed, held; Lost in the comfort of being near, next to you. Yet, I need to focus more on my typical day. Must have lifted too many weights, at the gym. Could have been the groceries I had to carry in. That was the third thing I did, one of my many tasks. After which I did loaded and unloaded our laundry. Swept the floor and conversed with a friend. Yesterday was a whole lot different, when all I did Was paint a fantasy image of my state of being. Later, I will lie in my bed wishing for the day, When I would no longer have to ponder, For I would know exactly where you were, I was. And you too will know and not have to wonder. But for now I am extremely aware that my back hurts. It does not matter what I focus on, my mind ...

I saw a friend today, she smiled at me. I did not then noticed that she was pregnant, all I saw was her smile. About an hour later, as I waited for it to stop raining, I smiled and said hello to an elderly man. He then reached out and squeezed my hand. It may all seem trivial, but these small gestures are invaluable to me. As simple as a smile is and the squeezing of my hand, these things say, I love you to me. It is only now as I am contemplating the gestures of both of these, that I realized that the two had nothing in common, ethnic and culture wise. The young woman was of Indian origin and the man Caucasian. I have known both for a long time, and their families have been apart of my life for as long as I have been married. The man’s wife and sister-in-laws have in the past made brownies and other sweet treats for my children. The young woman and her brother had taught my children at Sunday school. I socialized with the elderly man's family on occasion, but the most memorabl...

What did you do for me, that you think that I owe you something? Jesus asked that questioned when he walked the earth. He said, when I was hungry, you never fed me, when I was exposed, you did not cover me. There are times when people are given a unique opportunity, and they lose out on a great blessing. I can testify to these very things, and it is never the ones that one would expect to give that gives. It is never the ones that one would think loves that loved. For me, it has been various people from different religious beliefs but not exclusively followers of Christ. The woman that was once my closest and dearest friend was a Buddhist. I know that Christians would be appalled to hear that I associated with such a person but again in the first appearance that was Christ experience also. Apart from his disciples, it was always the ones that the religious people did not expect him to associate with that he reached out to. In my experience, I believe that people today still largely m...

According to my father, my readers do not know what it is, I am writing about. It is clear, that my writings are not producing what I intended it to. I am capable of giving detail explanations, but I purposefully refrain for the sake of those that my spirit will bless in the future. I understand the purpose behind my difficulties. I am still grieved about it, and remarkably more so, by the way, I was left alone to fend for myself by the one that is here with me. At the same time, I do not want to stop the value that my spirit will bring about in the future. I tried my best to disclose the information to one of the recipients, but I know because I am still attached to my present obligation that the message was not clearly understood. I was not sent here for the sole benefit of one person but for the glory of many, also the Jewish nation. Only when I finally get around to doing what my heart desire, will these things come into being. In the meant time, I wrestle with my hurt, I fight wit...

Today, I find myself in an extremely difficult position. I am only here because I cannot afford to live on my own. My relationship with my husband has changed, and I feel that I am at his mercy. Whatever I had or came into the marriage with was used up and whatever we possess is in his name or community property. There is nothing set aside for my personal use. If I want or need something, I have to ask or consult him, if not, I have to do without. That is extremely difficult for me, not that he refuses me anything, but the having to ask. I would prefer to earn my keep than to be in what I consider a humiliating position. A relative of mine died last night, and I feel horrible today. I cannot with a clear conscience ask for anything other than what is essential. The relative who died in California, normally reside in Belize and will be buried there. I want to be there for my cousins but going over seas is not essential to my existence. It may give comfort to me, but then again, I have...

Last night my husband and I attend an Alexis de Tocqueville Society Reception. The invitation was actually sent to him at his office. I had attended several of such reception in the past as a guest speaker. This was the first time I was invited as a guest, donor. As we approached the reception area, the group of women working behind the tables, greeted us by our names. He was surprised and asked how they knew who we were. They then told him, it was because everyone knew his wife. I in turn, was then surprised. I recognized only one of the women, but another admitted that she had seen me in a video, and had never truly met me. For the last few months, I had been turning down engagements and actually have not been doing anything other than caring for my family. Usually, when I am not so engrossed with my own life, I try to make a specific effort to be involved in the United Way campaign. When I do, I also try to remember names and faces. The last thing I ever want to do is to ...

After I gave birth to my last child, my husband and I decided that we had to do something about acquiring a more suitable place for the size of our family. We were living in a four bedroom house that was a little less than half the size of where we are now. At first, we looked at homes for sale in the area where we lived. There were large homes, but they had no more than the same four bedrooms, we had. The exception was that they had many other areas for entertainment. With that, we decided that would not be suitable for us. We then concluded that it would be better just to purchase land, and build what we needed. While actively looking, we came across an ad. that lead us to our current location. So when our last child was ten months old, we bought the land we now live on. At that time, it was a bit challenging paying for two places simultaneously, but we managed to pay off the land in two years. In the mean time, we discussed and researched what we needed, and the best way to accomp...

I would prefer to be a child that was lost in rose petals, As opposed to one counting pebbles. To be oblivious to the perils of this world and lost in mine. But, look at who my father actually is and my husband. Then why, one may ask that I toil like an orphan. It is so that one day the orphan may get to play. The Lion may be tamed, the slaves regain their respect. That we may hold dear, the things that are most beneficial. How can I be comforted, when my own honor was discarded? For a minute, I may forget, but as I view each day, how could I? I look back, I look forward at you, and I see me, as a child, a teen, A young woman, a mother, a wife, as you stood by and did nothing. Yet you claimed to have loved me, as they all do and that saddens me. For what you did not know was that I was here for you, as well as them. I am them and apart of you, but it was hidden to prove the truth to you. That was a lot harder than even I realized, for your sake not mine. The little...

Angel is not equal to perfection It simply means, I am celestial, preexisted. My home was serene, a place of peace. Makes this place seems difficult and hostile to me. My soul was placed in the shell that you now see. I was then loved and adored by the King, Was actually the one that sat right next to him. So his refusal has disappointed, grieved and is new to me. Although, we were sent here to do things differently. It baffles me that he would turn his back Mistreated me in person, that’s what caused me to ask, For whose benefit am I here, for whom is this? My work is not to acquire a place in heaven, for myself. It was to justify others, my presence was for their benefit. To understand the plight and the things that burdened them. The reason he refuses to rescue. For their sake, I was forsaken. I also could do as he has done, that is to turn away. Isaiah 54 is a fact. Not a literally comparison of his relation with the nation of Israel. The servant in that stanza, ...

Quite honestly it was my daughter’s behavior that caused me to start blogging. As a young woman, I was remarkably different from her. I like boys, but they were not as relevant to me as what I wanted to do with my life. I had some girl friends that I spent time with. I visited with them, and actually counseled a few, concerning their relations. Mostly, I tried to encourage them, when they were saddened after being cheated on. The people in Belize were from a diverse cultural back ground. As mixed as most of them are, they were few that had the exact, unique blend that I do. As a teen growing up there, I was only aware of that because my parents had different complexion. Back then I did not quite see people in terms of color. I was either attracted to a person, or I was not, but I like most people, not that I would marry them. I had these unspoken criteria in my head of what love was and what the actions of the one, I chose to marry would be. The standard came from what I was taught...

The idea of being holy is to be set aside. It is not the same as being discarded, deserted, and forgotten. In the years, Joseph was imprisoned; God cared for him and blessed him, even in those difficult circumstances. He was using that situation to prepare him for something even greater. This is an example of what it means to be holy. This was a temporary situation, and while Joseph was still relatively young, he was released out of bondage. I know that Joseph anticipated leaving prison a long time before he was released, but he was held until the time of his true purpose. When I was 19 years old, I was in no way ready for an adult relationship. When I was 24 years old, I believe, I was ready. When I thought I was ready, I had a particularly disturbing and brief encounter. I called the one person I had chosen but determined he had rejected me based on his tone and behavior during that time. I did not and still do not view his intentions towards me as being holy. I interpreted his act...

It is not what and how much you gave. It is how you respond, the way you behaved. We all want our own, our one true significant. To have and to hold that one for now and always. To be secure without doubt or fear not to be in disrepair. Be accepted just as we are i n spite of our imperfections, Flaws o r who and what we truly are. But when we get turned down, What would be the point in sticking around? Rejection cuts deep. What we value we keep. Who wants always to be in the standby seat? Waiting for the day, for the desired to say, "Your time has come, you can join me now. For, I have been forsaken by the significant, The one I chose, gave my time, my years, All of my youth. Exactly what anyone would have wanted. What you desired and would have valued most, I gave away." There is no honor in being a replacement, or a stand in. Yet all people should be treated with love and respect. As, though, they were a King or a Queen, or your actions Y...