Longing for an Explanation
My heart’s desire would be to freely express myself. It would not be suitable, however, if I did that. Likewise, it would not be wise for me to question everyone’s actions or motives. Why is it that I hold back sometimes? After all, do I not live in a country where one of the amendments rights is Freedom of Speech? Well, I do because the explanations I may be given might cause me more harm than satisfy my curiosity. There are times I do not ask because my question may be viewed as surprising. Other times, it could be inappropriate, or I was not in a place where that seem possible. I know that a person’s action is not always meant to harm another person. Nonetheless, it can, and in those instances, I want to inquire as to why one would want to behave that way? Whatever the reason, I wonder if it ever occurred to the offender that their behavior caused damage to another.
I have had to face moments like this with my own children, spouse and parents. I have heard answers ranging from, “I did not think about it” to “I do not know” to "I did my best." I recognized that as I matured and took on responsibility that I had to not, focus so much on myself. My actions, decisions and choices had to be more geared towards the betterment of my family, as opposed to self.
As a registered nurse, as I toiled tirelessly in the emergency room there were times when I was weary. We had scheduled break times and lunch times. If I was tired and I had a patient who wanted their needs met by me, I would pass my responsibility unto another nurse and take a break. It was not that I did not want to meet the need of that patient, but for their well being as well as mine, I would take a break. Sometimes I would say to a patient, “I am going on break so if you need assistance ask nurse x to help you.” There were times in life when I would have loved to have had an explanation from other people for their actions, similarly to the ones I would give my patient.
As I moved on with my life and away from some people, and from the past; still at times, the desire for an explanation lingers. I am not even in the place I was when these things happened, and it is my contention that I am on the path God wants for me. So I have no idea as to why I would want to ask these questions. Even if I do ask, at this point it would reflect poorly on me, as if I hold a grudge. So with that I stayed silent.
I have had to face moments like this with my own children, spouse and parents. I have heard answers ranging from, “I did not think about it” to “I do not know” to "I did my best." I recognized that as I matured and took on responsibility that I had to not, focus so much on myself. My actions, decisions and choices had to be more geared towards the betterment of my family, as opposed to self.
As a registered nurse, as I toiled tirelessly in the emergency room there were times when I was weary. We had scheduled break times and lunch times. If I was tired and I had a patient who wanted their needs met by me, I would pass my responsibility unto another nurse and take a break. It was not that I did not want to meet the need of that patient, but for their well being as well as mine, I would take a break. Sometimes I would say to a patient, “I am going on break so if you need assistance ask nurse x to help you.” There were times in life when I would have loved to have had an explanation from other people for their actions, similarly to the ones I would give my patient.
As I moved on with my life and away from some people, and from the past; still at times, the desire for an explanation lingers. I am not even in the place I was when these things happened, and it is my contention that I am on the path God wants for me. So I have no idea as to why I would want to ask these questions. Even if I do ask, at this point it would reflect poorly on me, as if I hold a grudge. So with that I stayed silent.
Comments
Post a Comment