Rah Times

I am on a one woman's trip. Smiling and faking it. Longing to be loved, Have a good relationship. Trampled on by my first. Others saw him as perfect. No one truly knows, Details of our relation. Liars and fakers are loving it. Still am not revealing. Fearing it cannot be fixed. Longing to be loved once again. Selfish love do not control me. Foolish heart mend the bridge, That set me apart, so that, I could be loved once again.

Know the rag doll feeling. Toss aside, for not being appealing. Not by a girl who was seven, By the one who calls me wife. Said it was my delusions. Certain it was my confusion, He needs to know, I will not allow him to hurt me anymore. I maybe a daughter of Eve. The first woman who was deceived, Still, he needs to know. I will not allow him to hurt me anymore. I shouldn't be treated like a toy. More like a priceless gem he enjoys. Not in the end but from the start. The moment I opened my heart.

Aching on the inside. I need stop second guessing. All I placed my trust in Although I am shaken. I am beautiful. Disappointed, denied, But I need not prove, My reasons for being, For I am certain, I am beautiful. Unaware as one may be. Discarded for who I appear to be, That does not take change that, I am beautiful. Beautiful, from within Beautiful, for every thing. I am beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Missed you after you went away. Heard you say, I rejected you. That was my mistake!  Wished you knew I wanted you. Did not mean to hurt you. Wondered what became of you. Enjoyed the time we had together. I did not know I needed you. I should have listened, Not judged or formed conclusions. Wish for a second chance. I would make it up to you somehow. For I know, that I loved, And wanted you to stay. Buy my book of poems by choosing this link  

Baby I broke free! I've got a brand new outlook, I hope it will revive me, After the beating life gave me, My poetry and lyrics helped me. At times, they relayed my sorrow. While I longed for a happy tomorrow. I recalled what I enjoyed before I wrote them, Taking long walks, Chit chatting over a picnic, But I found myself only writing lyrics. They brought relief to me. I wished for someone to compose the music. Then, I could lose myself in my song. And forget the reasons I wrote them. I longed to record my lyrics, Thought it would be the perfect fix. As broken heart as I was. And everyone's unwillingness to believe. The more I wanted to them to succeed, To lose myself in their sound. Buy my book of poems by selecting this link.

I want to live in the country Not in the City where I don't fit in. No one there says hello or good morning I want to be living, the way folks ought to. I want to live in the country Where the rain roll down the windows 'til The taping sounds it makes goes still. I want to be, living the way folks ought to. I want to live in the country. To be able to smell the morning breeze As the wind dances among the trees. I want to be living the way folk ought to. I want to live in the country Where the neighbors know When I'm doing well or feeling ill. I want to be living the way folks ought to. purchase my book of poems by selecting this link.

My idea and what’s out there Rock, hip hop, soul It should not matter. It’s to make us embrace each other. Fashion icon, 50’s and 60’s They all looked and act differently A new rhythm has now emerge This is the music for a new age. Sweet sound and melody Rhythm to make your heart happy. Who can oppose? Does it matter if it is hip hop or rock? Rhythm and sounds to warm the soul A different music with the same goal. Does it matter as long as we are content? For our purpose is the same. Purchase my book by selecting this link

That is my baby I assure you my darling I will provide for you. I will do all I need to For that’s my baby. What a great sign My lady carrying my child. I assure you I will provide for you. From this moment on. That is my baby There is no ifs or maybe. She’s having my baby I’ll love and provide for her. From this moment on. To me, a son will be born. And I love the mother of my son. For me there is no other woman For she is giving me a son. purchase my book of poems by selecting this link

Who said you cannot buy love? It is not that one can't It is that one just won't. However, people do frequently. If it is not what you do, it is what another does. Not that it is love that’s being purchased. But through efforts it is being expressed. He who is kind, I love most of all. I was committed to one who disregarded me. That brought despondency and grief to me. In that state I did not feel loved or appreciated. Was my expectation out of bounds for him? I decided, that it was not, but quite reasonable. My heart and intellect did deceive me! I placed my hopes in one that was unworthy. Purchase my book by selecting this link

I’ve been talking, writing dreaming And the one thing I keep repeating In my hellos and good byes Is that I loved her, every time. On my train ride from Santa Fe Crowed bus across town I searched to find her in the faces Of those, I did not know or love. God knows what I’ve been feeling. That my heart has been aching. To prove to the love of my my life That I want to make thing right just for her. Wish for a chance to show her How much I loved and adore her. Words on a paper cannot express My emotions, but I know I truly loved her.

I am physically drained From all that consume me. I can't hide or even deny it. My mind is plagued and I have doubts. I don't quite know how to figure, Or how to effectively change my situation. I am worn out from consulting God, But not getting any results. People not listening, still some are whispering. No one wants any thing to do with my messy circumstance. One would think they haven't seen or every heard of troubles. I need to change my location. To rest, or walk away from what's plaguing me. The keeper of the sheep has no regrets. That is what the church believes. He never apologizes for anything. Is never wrong in his choosing. Must means all is perfectly alright Or that I simply don't comprehend. What he intends. He’s the healer and solver of troubles would give me peace if nothing else. Seriously! No apology for all the hurt and I should live on hiding the dirt!

They talk about forgiveness and Jesus Yet, they do not recognize me. I just want to start over. I want to forget all the hurt. Get rid of all that's hindering me. I just want to start over. I want to be free to be me Not treated worse or differently. I wanted to be loved from the start. I wanted life to have gone In a different direction. But now, I just want to start over.

Drenched in mostly crap lately, It’s gotten old and drove me crazy. Aware of who and what I am, who was mine, To whom I belong, join me or leave me. I knew my details better than anyone. Stop pretending, you knew me, I have not felt loved in ages. I moved on, leave me alone. Am finished with the unlovely. Needed one person to love me, Not judge me, I’m liberated. Didn’t need your money or testimony. Knew how to get and keep mine. Nor did I need anyone taking mine Find another, I hope to do just that.

It is almost midnight yet the streetlights Shines so brightly, I lay holding my body so tightly There is no one here besides me. This is not right, I haven't gotten any sleep. It's midnight, and I needed you here besides me. Not just me holding my body While you lie all about me. It's past midnight and I can’t fall asleep. Not when I am alone. With no one to hold me Just realizing that you left me. All I needed was you besides me. Now it hard to sleep with nobody. At midnight with or without streetlights. It don't feel right and cannot go to sleep.

Forget all that was said and done. Just listen to my words and song. I am the one who loves you I would always be here for you. No rushing waters or high tide, Nothing could keep me from your side. I'll become the pedestal, That keeps you rock steady. When it is all said and done, I will be more than your number one. For there is not anything I would not do For I would always be here for you. No rushing water or high tide, Nothing could keep me from your side. I'll become the pedestal, That keeps you rock steady. No sun too warm, mountains too high. Valleys too long, rivers too wide. Nothing could ever come between us. For I would always be here for you. Peace!

What will you remember "bout me, All that you did without me, Or that I loved you until my dying days I intend, our love to remain unchanged I wanted things to remain certain Even the butterflies in my chest Awareness of the love I had for you, For I intend our love to remain unchanged. Wished that I had showed you. My desire was to be besides you, To feel the warmth of your embrace. For I intend our love to remain unchanged. What will you remember bout my love? That it denied you in many ways. I did not mean it to be that way For I intend our love to remain unchanged.

I will not simply say I love you, I’ll let my actions show you, I'll erase all doubt from within you Til you know that I truly cared. Wished you knew with each passing day, The love I had for you, I wanted to be with you. As the one woman I adored. There was no other, I wanted more. Your smiling face started my day.  It rejuvenated me in some way. I enjoyed seeing your beauty and grace  There was no one that could take your place.

Wanting to run to the mountains to hide. There was nothing in the valley besides The challenges I was facing, I know I will be alright. Peace was promised me during troubled times. With the creator, as a friend of mine. Problems does not linger on, and on And as every new morn arises, my mind is renewed. After devastation caused by a storm. Plan changes, a better one emerges Better than I could conceived. God shelters me with his peace. When I do not know where to run. Hope is restored to me.. My Redeemer shelters, extends peace to me, I can move forward contentedly.

Mama must have done something right When she taught me wrong from right. As I faced my life, I realized I appreciate all she has taught me. All I ever wanted was her love. Not the many concerns she had. Nonetheless, I love the person Those lessons produced. For that, Mama, I thank you. Even though I am an adult now I find I still needs my mother’s love. No one can comfort me Like the woman who molded me.

Promise to meet you. Love you for you, Right where you are. Promise to run, in your direction. Place my arms around. Love you for who you are. I'll be there, I promise you, my dear. I think about you always. History I shared with you. As I got to know you, I knew; you were the one for me. No longer will I run. Except in your direction. I will hold on and will go. No matter the distance, I'll be there. In loving you, life will be alright. Wherever you are, I will build my life. I promise, I will run in your direction.

Where did the slender fellow Who laughed lightheartedly go? Faded at sun down along with the jeans he wore. Stores were told of the place he came from. Did not realize, he would soar to great heights. Simply wondered what he did and was pursuing. When I saw him decades later. He was nothing more than a stranger. My heart stopped and started again, that was unchanged. Yet a different image emerged. Unlike the initial one. Time changed things, but not his features. His character was now under scrutiny, His drive, things he placed first in life. Those gave me answer, I no longer needed to wonder, What and who he became and sought after.

Like I’m a gravy bowl My lady love emptied my pockets out. Using me for bread and butter But not treating me like her lover. I did not want to stop her. With all that I have, I wanted her. I maybe all tapped out, Without a doubt She remains, the one, I loved. Would do anything for her All I wanted was to be with her. I would be lost without my firecracker love. As much as she was a stormy lover, Who knocked me over like bad weather. I would always choose her I wanted to live with none other than her. With all that I am, I still wanted her. Many ask why I tolerate her. If I aware, she is a selfish lover, And was only in it for my money? If that was true, I still get to spend time with her. Whatever her reasons, I wanted her.

It was more than a matter of taste. I could not love every man in the human race. Hair and eye color did not mean a thing. Just the guy who made my heart sang. I was pursued by the best of them Had many flings with the handsomest Yet, the one I chose was not the best looking Just the guy who made my heart sang I could not love every man that wanted me. It did not matter what they had or did. I loved the one; I am with best of all, He was the guy who made my heart sang. It was not looks or money, but his appeal I loved the way he made me feel He was the one who gave melody to me He was the guy who made my heart sang.

With close eyes and pressed lips A thousand butterflies fluttering The despondent lady awaits her love. With out stretched arms, Not only an invitation but final chance Her adolescence crush reunited with her. Finally she gets to know his warmth, Relaxed, became at peace. Her companion, one true friend, Gave a portion of life to her, Chose contentment in his status Accepted, they would become us, Not remain individuals, separated, lost at dusk. Time kept moving, her fixated had remained. While sun was still high in the sky, perhaps His choice would be made before sun down.

Link to my new sounds: Ruth+Garnes-Too+Young+for+You  The first of my lyrics to be put to music. Give me a thumbs up if you like it.

I am praying for my children. I want for them all that’s good. I am praying for my children, Lord, do not forget them I’ve taught them, that you would. walk beside them, I need to know that you would. I am praying for my children Lord, I’ve taught them all I should Please walk beside them Do not ever let them be understood. I am praying for my children, For I’ve done all that I could Now it is in your hand’s God For even though it’s hard, I am praying, I am praying, God!

When one does only to satisfy self, As he succeed and forge ahead. Forgetting those placed secondary to his agenda When things changes he will lose. Not only all that he achieved, But also his joy and everyone, Whom he ignored, stepped on, Including those he loved And wish to keep or hold unto.

I was not the kind of girl who spoke much, But lately, I’ve been talking none stop. To a fellow, who walked by me. From the time, I saw him, He appeared to be husband material to me. I remembered the rainy day when we met. He wore a trench coat and a hat. I waved at him as he winked and smiled back. And I saw husband material in that. He was unlike any man that I ever met. Very few of them would look and smile at me, With that, I knew that I wanted him to be. More than a man walking by me. But a friend, for I saw husband material in him.

When would a snake ever embrace anyone, Wrap around a person, snuggly to comfort, Put them at ease, and keep their company? Would his purpose not always be to decieve? Would it ever be to give warmth, show love, care, adoration, Or to take life, simply to satisfy only himself? Does he not take from another, until they can no longer breathe? What would happen if a snake, a person chose to believe? Would it be he or the person that would be destroyed, Left broken and deprived of a bountiful life? Just a question, worth considering, one, I was contemplating. When would a snake ever extend love or compassion? When would he ever care for another's child, give joy? Stick around after to heal any of his victims? Does a snake possess any redeeming qualities? Does he vindictively hurt, or does so, because that is how he is?

I lay buried in the ashes. Burnt from living with my troubles, And those who professed to love me, Has heaped on the singes that consumed me. I am lethargic and out of energy but I have not given up for I am not dead. It is not over yet, my will is to triumph over this My wounded soul staggers, it yearns to be satisfied. Despite the travesty of life, I must survive I want to drink from the well of life, Until my weary spirit is revived. I will continue to strive to do new things And become all that I was meant to in life

For my son, I stayed a little longer. For my son, I did not react but ponder. For the sake of my son, I preserved my reputation Remained quiet, doubtful When I could have lashed out. For the beauty of my son His happiness’s my joy. My love for his father, prince of mine. I contemplated, smiled, lived patiently. Because of all these and more. For the welfare of not only me, But for others, that I do, suffered And hope to accomplish great things.

The kind of leader that abandons his team is not worthy of their following. Your leader might have been the head of the home you grew up in, husband, father, mother or the boss who might have blamed you instead of taking responsibility. Whoever he is, see the good in you and forget about him.

My convictions don’t always benefit me Neither do they change life's reality. I pursue what is most beneficial to me. That which would give satisfaction and peace. If I seek after money it would not compensate, Know how to appreciate, take the place of love. Its compassion would be mere scoffing and not a blessing. If I refuse to accept this as a fact, it is still so. It matters not what sight or promise it gives. Possession does not gives value or fulfill anyone. It does not change behaviors, or ways. And would leave me constantly looking for love.

Red carpeted floors, Wide spacious corridors, An exceptionally lovely dwelling Chosen for the lady, the woman, I love. With my arms extended to receiver her, A hug intended to comfort, reassure This lovely woman that I adore her And would always love and care for her. With a kiss, I’ll gladly greet her. For her smile softened my heart. I maintain thoughts of her Even when I am away from her. I would never intentionally hurt her. All I ever wanted was to show my love. To make her just as happy as she made me. For any and all my folly, I apologize.

The fickle love you showed me Was not the kind of love I wanted. I wanted a person who loved me. But you wanted me as a stand in. Had you truly been there for me, Showed me that you loved me. Instead of the so, so love you displayed I would have stayed and not leave. It was not your inability, just the way you loved me. I did not want to be secondary. But the one your were in love with. Not just someone to have fun with. Fickle love no comfort brings. Fickle love no diamond gives. Fickle love doesn’t stay around. And fickle love I can live without.

At 50 I recognize a few things. Those similar to me were the ones Who truly loved and valued me, Unlike those with soulful differences. Home, the place where the rainbow Colors blend beautifully with the sky And is appreciated equally by those With the same magnificence design. Once again I want to be in that place, Where the sun rays dance. And the sea gull hover over the waters, There I fit in and was embodied perfectly. I remain pensive but far from where I long to be. Where dutiful angels often are disregarded. And small blessings sometimes unrecognizable, And not frequently regarded as lovely.

I know it is finished for me. I know the stench of death The agony of defeat, Being taken advantage of Beaten down, rejected and refused. Made of lesser importance than trash. I understand the feeling of being ignored Being turned down a million times. Denied of the basic essentials in life. Robbed of what is rightly mine, I know all that and nothing more. The time has come to walk away, realized I’ve been lied to and cheated by the devil. I would now freely throw way all I do have. There is nothing else that appeals to me. I simply need to leave quietly.

I searched for a flight I had taken Was extremely confused, somehow I did not earn points for my trip. I wondered why the carrier Did not have a history of it. As I kept on looking I uncovered the answer. I did take that flight But not with the airline With whom I was seeking credit. It was with another One that I did not have frequent flier membership.

When is a City too old to produce children? When can it sprout wings and fly to the heavens. When does it ever relocate itself for a period? Which City has ever came down from the skies? When was that City attacked by high waters? Which of the others powers existed before it? The answer is Jerusalem the lovely woman, Not the literal ancient place.

Believe in me as I believed in you, Then you will have life Like a fountain has water springing forth From with in you. I will be there for you in your time of trouble, I will carry you And be a close friend to you.

As prophecies unfolds, Before their blinded eyes The scales remain plastered in place. Absolutely unaware, life continues. What a shameful disgrace! Jerusalem lacks shelter or a home, Among those she resides with. Her husband stands proudly along side Supporting and caring for another. Her children lie buried in her ruins. Shaken to her precise foundation. Who would endorse or could restore her, Stand up, advocate to correct her suffering? The core of her condition is like crystal, As blazing as the sun light, yet transparent. To return to slavery is her only option. She picks up the rattling chains that binds her. Her hope is that day light would appear again. Longs to be free of the darkness that Had over taken and destroyed her children.

I packed and unpacked my bags Hoping to find some peace I cried for all the countless things I will and have lost Knowing I have to leave. For my daughter sake, I stayed For my son, I kept holding on. Then I was suddenly awaken By the grips of a very cold hands. I knew I had lost and was forsaken And would return to whom I started from. In the morning, I will repeat my actions. Pray that I might find a job That life in the future will not be as difficult As it has been for the last fifty years. I depart once again, on my own.

Hold on! When it seems you cannot go on, Hold on! If everyone chose to let you down, Hold on. If there's not anything to sing about, And your heart is filled with doubt When you are facing some serious issues And love ones refuse to assist you, Hold on! When there is nothing but confusion, And you don't know what to do, And no one offers a solution if your heart is filled with reservation. Hold on, When all have failed and disappointed you, Know that I've walked your path too, For the world may not know, but I do . hold on, hold on, I'm telling you to! I long to support you, To say and do what you need me to, I promise you if nothing else is true, I will always love and care for you. So hold on, hold on, I'm here for you!

My lovely husband, take my hand. Only you can understand. Walk along side me. Take me to a quiet place. I am weary and wish to rest. Sustain what attracted you to me. Resurrect my beauty. It was you, I cried out to. I needed your strength. Be the man, I envisioned. Honor and respect me I need to be reassured. Safe from malicious people. Anchored and held by love, That I may find contentment, That is all I ask of you.

I am not going to take risks. Not if it would cause you pain. I'd rather live with out you Than humiliating or victimizing you. I knew the lovely you. I have seen your beauty. If anyone say or believe differently They don't know you. I am not going to take chances Not with a lovely woman like you. I rather live without you. Than for anyone to blame on you.

My significant mile stone I anticipate it, yet my face's drenched lathered with tears and sorrow. My promise of a joyous tomorrow. trampled on by mountainous burdens. I long to be at home, to get a weft of peace. Not to for my feet to be planted In the City where my distress lives. For the hater of me to be removed. I'm imprisoned from believing Trusting, the one I chose to call on. My greatest accomplishment is knowing My knowledge has awaken me. Ignorance and lack of support defeated but will not destroy me. I'm going to where I was loved I'll be cradles and held again, my fragmented heart will be pieced together. My sprit and broken promises and wishes will be revived, wish I didn't have to walk alone, was insulated from all my afflictions.

I want to see your face again, To reassure you, that I'm your friend my love for you is unchanged. I want to tell all, I should have said. I want to be with you once again. To hold your hand, be reminded Of all the reason I loved you And wanted you as my friend. I want to start all over again. For us to no longer be separated. For all that came between us To be swept up by the wind, for I want to be with you.

Convinced you wrote about me? Apparently you never loved me. Hardheartedly as you turned away, Revealed that you never cared about me. Life got worse after you lashed out at me. More like a thug you appeared to be. I remembered your every spoken word. I live daily with the effect they had on me. Indifferently you continued on your way, As though, you are a righteous person. I know the man you are today, You crushed and threw the broken reed away.

Who placed those babes upon me? Why did their lives generate within me? If they were not of me, Why did I decide to give birth to them? I saw the doctor holding a newborn baby. Must not have been my child. For, I do not know who handed mine to me. Day and night it plague my mind. For I need to make an important decision. Whether to keep the possibility of reproducing. Or put an end to it for the benefit of my health. But now, I cannot seem to shut my children out. Had I not seen them perhaps so, but I did. My sight makes it virtually impossible for me To put my welbeing ahead of them. Yet, their embryos are not yet implanted. With every passing day the possibility diminishes.

A frail frame of a girl Body rail thin from malnutrition. As though life was not a gift, Created not from love but a myth, She inhabited a temporary prison. Professed to love her Father. The who should have provided for her. Yet as, she stood up alone She professed allegiance to him. Not knowing his intentions. She trusted and had confidence in him Until she realized after the passing of time. She has long been forsaken.

I looked up and saw your face. I was struggling within myself. Wishing I was not whom I am. I was sorely disappointed With the person, I became. I needed someone like you Not to rescue but walk with me. I was tired of being on my own. Certain, that I did not want to go on, But had finally reached my destination. I hoped to savor every precious moment I thought I would have had with you. Believing that you would stay And physically keep my company, Be my friend and partner for all eternity. Seem as though I was horribly mistaken, About that and numerous other things. For not only did your face vanish, So did the reality of who I thought you were. Never were you a friend to me And here I am still alone, and you are gone.

Be at peace and motionless, my darling, For I will make haste and go to you. I reassure you, my yearning is for none other And belongs to only you. It is a lot higher than Mount Everest. It reaches farther than the east from the west. Is a lot hotter than any volcanic eruption. As to my love and compassion, not even I Can accurately describe it. All that is required of you is to be reassured That you are and will be most relevant to me.

Why do you say, you love me? Then ignore my desperate pleas. My love, don't you know It is for you, my heart beats. I hurt, I scream, I'm alone, You respond as though, My heart lied, when it was you. My love, I cried out to you, You responded that you hated me! That was what your actions told me. Why would my heart deceive me? Why would my mind play tricks on me? Why do you not help, or comfort me? I lie in the ashes of my continuing sorrow. I wallow in pain caused by your p oignant cruelty. I cried because I do not want to look back, Or do I care to ever turn my face towards you. My love is gone but my tears will forever remain

There is no perfect person, But you are the one for me. No one I want to tie myself to Yet, it is you that completes me. We may be as different As night and day can be But you are the best thing That has happened to me. Winter days as cold As they at times can be Would not affect me If you are there with me. My love, I am delighted That I found you. For you are undeniably, The one I'd always chose.

I smile at the thought of you. The way you light up a room. Wanted to give my best to you, For our friendship to continue. I preferred you to everyone. Wish you were my companion. And as I grew fond of you I wanted to tell you. If, I could be where I wanted to. I’d always choose to be with you. Not to run after you but to love you. And for you to be the way, I remembered. Pleasant and kind was you to me. Never before or after was any like that to me. I wish you had chosen to partner with me And always be the way, I remembered.

If my vision faded Along with all my memories of you. I would wish for it to be known That my artistic heart wrote That it yearned,  passionately Belonged to only you. As conflicted as I was My feelings aroused from Ideas, which originated Long before my pen ascribed Words and expressions From past interaction. Were simply my recollection of affection, Not current interaction or accurately recalled expression, Nonetheless they generated from the nugget planted Many years ago when we first met; Yet, still lingers as fun affection and a burning desire for you.

As if fake designer bags and cubic zirconia’s Could fool and flatter anyone. He hangs around me as though, He was meant to be the one. He smiled and encouraged me. I was convinced, he was a gentleman. Yet, this was all done without consideration, He had already selected someone. I did not need a phony person, Someone who was out for self satisfaction. I needed a thoughtful companion. One who was loaded with compassion. The art of loving was not so complicated. Difficult for me to accept or return it. All I needed was a person who had no other woman, Was not a phony like fake jewelry or designer bags

Goodbye, I said, A thousand times. Then turn around To say something else. Thought I needed to. I was not planning To return to him again. I was seeking after My heart desire And all I wish was for him To be aware of that and so much more. I made that error once before Of not explaining, many years ago. I did not get another chance, With that I thought it pertinent to express All that I in that moment felt, he should know. So, there I was repeating myself, Saying goodbye and truly meaning it. He appeared so darn unimpressed. The last person, I failed to warn or helped, died. I vowed never to replicate that mistake again. The situation was not exactly the same as then. For this was my second try, my reason for returning, To state my intent, circumstance of my revisiting, Cause for departing and plans of not returning. He did not stir, I knew, I did not convince him. That anything I said was true, or occurring. It appeared as if my absence did not and would not

Fearing my somewhat of a difficult situation Had gotten out of hand, I panicked. Sorrow and distress became my only companion. Individuals that I believed once cared and loved me I realized were nothing more than my enemy. Overwhelmed with thoughts that I would foolishly reconcile With a self consumed idiot made my situation seem hopeless. I wanted to know the truth, when I finally did, I could not deal with it. How could I for a moment go on lying to myself and trust their decision Was for my benefit, or that I was ignored out of love, when that devastated me? I knew extremely well the results of partnering with another who has no regard for me. With that, this was a particularly relevant but difficult lesson, I needed to know this. I certainly would not want ever to believe in my heart or deceive myself again, by feeling that one so extremely heartless, who does not love me, do. There were a few that stood with me and those that would have, I also know them. In my mind

Investing my heart, mind and twenty years In marriage, family, things I believed in, Was grueling hard work, but done out of love For seven wonderful reasons. Being mindful of my children’s struggles Cause me to continue when I did not want to. I kept at it in spite of feeling like caving in. Not for a moment did I believe that My choices, actions would impair me, And it certainly was not that, which caused it. Simply the lack of effort, I perceive The failure of my mate to come along side me, To empathize, render a therapeutic helping hand Work harmoniously together on comprehending Acquire a heart for the precious little souls. We are placed in charged of. In order to enable them to heal and their tidal wave Of misunderstood emotions, which at times, Contributed to their unacceptable behaviors, And my loss of trust in our relationship.

Wish I knew my own story. I would have written it! Not until I was consumed, was I aware of it. As sketchy as it was I would have truthfully protrayed it, Given explicit details, especially of all the painful things. Although, in so doing I would have changed many views. Whom I am has changed, all I wanted to be, did and expressed. My concerns, things that devastated others, deeply affected me. For the sake of all who placed hope and trusted us I stopped believing, caring and have given up. Thought we were above all this, but that is not so! I realize we are, in fact, the original trend setters. Even now, I wish I was not involved in this, for the sake of many. I wonder why would any chose to offend, hurt the innocent, Others with similiar features, struggles similiar to mine. Why were these things not considered, simply uncared for? With that, I hold back, I grieve. Besides who would believe this?

From the day I met her, I loved her. Yet I did nothing to keep her Her beautiful smile caught my eye. I was sure, I loved and wanted her. Now she’s gone, and I'm sure! She will never look my way again For I told her, I had no need for her. While in my heart, I loved and wanted her. I was never kind or did I ever assist her. Pretending I did not love but hated her. I turned my back and did not look at her. While in my heart, I loved and wanted her. I keep hearing her cries and goodbyes. As I did not choose her as my wife. It would have been too stressful for her. And in my heart, I loved and wanted her.

Don’t ever be too busy to lend a hand. Or to stand with a friend. Display that you do understand. That you love, and will be there for them. For one day, you could be the one That sincerely need and wish for a friend. Whether you become frail and sick And in need assistance or a helping hand. For then what would be your expectation, Or my reason to extend mercy or pity you? If I am fully aware of how unkind you were. That your actions were all driven by self love. And that I viewed all you did as filthy rags, Because of what motivated you to ever take action.

I recognized your differences Your desire, wishes, The choices you’ve made. I sympathize with your sorrow. I saw you, but did not want to believe What I did not understand. I’ve no plans to make haste To stand beside you. Although, I now comprehend your struggle. I do not want to aid you. Find those that loved you, or are apart of you. Thought I was, but I realized that was not so. Why would I inflict another without proof? It is simply better for me to turn away. I am not interested in this so, please, move on. Perhaps you’ll find another to lend a hand. I sincerely do not want to be involved. Whatever your fight is, I wish you well. I hope that you over come, in spite of everything. I'm refraining, not wanting to be apart of this.