When Strengths Do Not Meet Need
Can children seriously rise to the level of our expectation, beyond what they are capable of? Is it OK to expect them to do what may not be within their capability? Or is it possible for us to will our children into winning or losing? I personally anticipated that all of my children would be successful. I want nothing less than average performance from even my children that have some sort of learning disability. In parenting special needs children, however, it is my contention that one should be flexible. In order for a learning disabled child to succeed, a guardian must know their child’s strengths and nurture that. It is as essential to understand what support is necessary in order to effectively help them or give them what they require.
When adopting children from the sate of Texas, prospective parents are required to complete a parenting class. Knowing our strengths so we could draw from that to meet our necessity was one of many points that were stressed several times, in the parenting class that I took. It is an excellent idea, but vigor do not always equal being fully equipped to meet a specific deficit. A parent expectation for their child may exceed their potential thus crushing them, instead of building him or her up. I know for two of my daughters my effectualness do not appear to have met their needs at this moment in time. Perhaps some time in the future that may change but that is the way it is right now.
As my daughters became teenagers and started coming into them selves, they began to struggle with identity issues. Socializing became more relevant to them as opposed to knowledge. In our home, I placed knowledge of God and academics first. These girls strive more for social things, and not for the things I placed importance on. The extent to which they interact affects other areas of their life. Nurturing their strengths in order to meet their emotional needs became more of a battle of wills. It was a campaign to stop them from ruining their future. It resulted in them being as equally disappointed as we are.
In the case, of my youngest daughter, she is musically talented, but she is not a scholar. Considering that music is her capability that was what I tried to encourage. From about the seventh grade, I enrolled her in the school's cadet band, she plays the flute. She is also remarkably athletic and competes in various track and field events. She loves track but dislikes band. It is her ambition to become a runner. While I percieve her as being an excellent runner, I see as many that are. Static wise, few runners advance on to compete professionally. A part from that, there is also the risk of injury. Both this year and last year she struggled with shin splints. So I insisted that she continued to develop her music along with her athletic skills. Unknowingly to me, she started to cut band. During band period, she would leave the classroom to take her athletic clothing to the field house. The school gave her consequences in the way of in house detention. I told her that getting her clothing to the field house prior to track was not essential and that she should no longer do that. If she continued, she would not be allowed to compete after school. She would, however, still be in practice just not competing. She ignored my advice and continued to cut band. With that, she was no longer allowed to participate athletically.
When she first stated that she did not like playing in her school band, I tried to persuade her by promising her I would pay for her this year Cadet Band trip. The trip for this year was going to be to at Disney World, and they would be marching in the parade. The trip is a bit more expensive than the previous years. I felt that if she had some motivation that it would help with giving her something to look forward to. Her being involved in organized activities was also a way of meeting her social need. Many of her friends are involved in either track or band. Several of her friends that play in the cadet band with her have also tried to ask her to stop cutting classes but to no avail. I had taken other social events from her and banning her from competing in track only after a series of consequences that failed to prevent the behavior.
As a result of all this, my husband decided that he could not reward her by sending her on the Disney trip. I agreed with that decision but then decided that we needed to extend grace to this child. Grace: being giving a person something not because they deserve it, but because they could not other-wise do so. My spouse found my desire to let my daughter to go on this trip terribly confusing. It was his belief that I wanted him to help me. Once we finally agreed on something, I changed my mind. I desired to give my daughter a gift, she did not earn. I fully understand his dilema. Rewarding her could jolly well encourage her negative behavior. I, however, felt it was more important at this time to cultivate a desire to play music than to give a consequence. Children are not always mindful of what is important and it is up to us as parents to guide towards those things.
My intentions was that, she would go on this trip and enjoy the experience and next year she may have a totally different view of being in the cadet band. As much as I feel alone in this conflict of parenting my children, these decisions do not depend solely on me. As troubling as our decision was, to not allow our daughter to perform at Disney for me, that is our final decision.
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When adopting children from the sate of Texas, prospective parents are required to complete a parenting class. Knowing our strengths so we could draw from that to meet our necessity was one of many points that were stressed several times, in the parenting class that I took. It is an excellent idea, but vigor do not always equal being fully equipped to meet a specific deficit. A parent expectation for their child may exceed their potential thus crushing them, instead of building him or her up. I know for two of my daughters my effectualness do not appear to have met their needs at this moment in time. Perhaps some time in the future that may change but that is the way it is right now.
As my daughters became teenagers and started coming into them selves, they began to struggle with identity issues. Socializing became more relevant to them as opposed to knowledge. In our home, I placed knowledge of God and academics first. These girls strive more for social things, and not for the things I placed importance on. The extent to which they interact affects other areas of their life. Nurturing their strengths in order to meet their emotional needs became more of a battle of wills. It was a campaign to stop them from ruining their future. It resulted in them being as equally disappointed as we are.
In the case, of my youngest daughter, she is musically talented, but she is not a scholar. Considering that music is her capability that was what I tried to encourage. From about the seventh grade, I enrolled her in the school's cadet band, she plays the flute. She is also remarkably athletic and competes in various track and field events. She loves track but dislikes band. It is her ambition to become a runner. While I percieve her as being an excellent runner, I see as many that are. Static wise, few runners advance on to compete professionally. A part from that, there is also the risk of injury. Both this year and last year she struggled with shin splints. So I insisted that she continued to develop her music along with her athletic skills. Unknowingly to me, she started to cut band. During band period, she would leave the classroom to take her athletic clothing to the field house. The school gave her consequences in the way of in house detention. I told her that getting her clothing to the field house prior to track was not essential and that she should no longer do that. If she continued, she would not be allowed to compete after school. She would, however, still be in practice just not competing. She ignored my advice and continued to cut band. With that, she was no longer allowed to participate athletically.
When she first stated that she did not like playing in her school band, I tried to persuade her by promising her I would pay for her this year Cadet Band trip. The trip for this year was going to be to at Disney World, and they would be marching in the parade. The trip is a bit more expensive than the previous years. I felt that if she had some motivation that it would help with giving her something to look forward to. Her being involved in organized activities was also a way of meeting her social need. Many of her friends are involved in either track or band. Several of her friends that play in the cadet band with her have also tried to ask her to stop cutting classes but to no avail. I had taken other social events from her and banning her from competing in track only after a series of consequences that failed to prevent the behavior.
As a result of all this, my husband decided that he could not reward her by sending her on the Disney trip. I agreed with that decision but then decided that we needed to extend grace to this child. Grace: being giving a person something not because they deserve it, but because they could not other-wise do so. My spouse found my desire to let my daughter to go on this trip terribly confusing. It was his belief that I wanted him to help me. Once we finally agreed on something, I changed my mind. I desired to give my daughter a gift, she did not earn. I fully understand his dilema. Rewarding her could jolly well encourage her negative behavior. I, however, felt it was more important at this time to cultivate a desire to play music than to give a consequence. Children are not always mindful of what is important and it is up to us as parents to guide towards those things.
My intentions was that, she would go on this trip and enjoy the experience and next year she may have a totally different view of being in the cadet band. As much as I feel alone in this conflict of parenting my children, these decisions do not depend solely on me. As troubling as our decision was, to not allow our daughter to perform at Disney for me, that is our final decision.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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