A Matter of Security
Who can live up to perfection? That was my daughter's claim this week. "I do not feel as if I belong. The other children in our family are so perfect." That was news to me. It is true they are not troubled or have run-ins with the law but perfect. That is a bit of a stretch.
Children all go through stages and what I want and what they chose to do, at times, differs. She was mainly referring to my oldest son, and one of her older sister. My son has some similar personality traits as I do. He is quiet and reserved and in general seems to stay away from his peers that display behavioral difficulties. There are times when he also avoids me like the plague. I find that a bit bothersome but that is easier to live with than oppositional behaviors. I believe that might have been my daughter's point. In other words, his nuisance is nothing in comparison to hers.
At this point, I am trying to reassure her, and to give her a sense of belonging. It is obvious that she has some guilt. I do not want to imply that her behavior is sensible. She, however, needs to be secure in knowing she belongs. With that, I told her that God made an extraordinarily colorful world. It would pallor if we were all alike. As a matter of perception, we believe that we do not measure up to another, especially if we do not love who we are. As an individual, at times, I do things that I too am ashamed of. There are other times when I refrain from doing what I wish to do. The only thing I consistently do is put my regrets behind me and move forward with life. If we are too ridden with guilt, all that does is paralyze us and hinder our productivity.
Forgiveness is apart of life and loving. Not only are we to forgive others but we should also forgive our self. The gratification in both forgiving and loving is an extremely personal one that cannot be passed on to anyone. We do become vulnerable when we love another. In being human, the object of our love is bound to hurt us at some point or the other. The rewards of love, however, is exceedingly greater than the risk. It is particularly necessary to over-look error. If we are unwilling to do that, then chances are that we will lose the object of our love. In this scenario, that is my daughter. Her insecurity of not fitting in with our family is causing her to feel like an outsider. So I have been expressing my feelings of care and concern to her. This does not mean that I do not have my own apprehension, but I am trying to push that aside, so that she can be reassured that she is wanted.
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Children all go through stages and what I want and what they chose to do, at times, differs. She was mainly referring to my oldest son, and one of her older sister. My son has some similar personality traits as I do. He is quiet and reserved and in general seems to stay away from his peers that display behavioral difficulties. There are times when he also avoids me like the plague. I find that a bit bothersome but that is easier to live with than oppositional behaviors. I believe that might have been my daughter's point. In other words, his nuisance is nothing in comparison to hers.
At this point, I am trying to reassure her, and to give her a sense of belonging. It is obvious that she has some guilt. I do not want to imply that her behavior is sensible. She, however, needs to be secure in knowing she belongs. With that, I told her that God made an extraordinarily colorful world. It would pallor if we were all alike. As a matter of perception, we believe that we do not measure up to another, especially if we do not love who we are. As an individual, at times, I do things that I too am ashamed of. There are other times when I refrain from doing what I wish to do. The only thing I consistently do is put my regrets behind me and move forward with life. If we are too ridden with guilt, all that does is paralyze us and hinder our productivity.
Forgiveness is apart of life and loving. Not only are we to forgive others but we should also forgive our self. The gratification in both forgiving and loving is an extremely personal one that cannot be passed on to anyone. We do become vulnerable when we love another. In being human, the object of our love is bound to hurt us at some point or the other. The rewards of love, however, is exceedingly greater than the risk. It is particularly necessary to over-look error. If we are unwilling to do that, then chances are that we will lose the object of our love. In this scenario, that is my daughter. Her insecurity of not fitting in with our family is causing her to feel like an outsider. So I have been expressing my feelings of care and concern to her. This does not mean that I do not have my own apprehension, but I am trying to push that aside, so that she can be reassured that she is wanted.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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