Rah Times

I awoke this morning having recalled the first poem I had ever written. It was a home work assignment. I wrote: The bright blue Caribbean Sea. Stretches forth for all to see; A trail of Islands at its feet. Any tourists will its natives greet. The English teacher I had at that time raved about it. It was abundantly apparent that she was extremely pleased with the poem. That was 30 years ago, and I still remember her name, Mrs. Alvarez. I recall that it was not only this poem that she liked but that she encouraged me at other times when I did not feel particularly confident about her subject matter. “You are very good at this,” she said to me. I went on to do remarkably well on my final exams. Years later while taking a writing class in College. The writing professor did the same exact thing. I cannot recall his name, but what I do remember was that he was a writing enthusiast. An article of his was published in Redbook. He encouraged his class to all go out and get our se...

I feel a little disappointed today. Not so much because it is my daughter's court hearing but more because she continues to be defiant. After returning from Texas Challenge Academy, she made several phone calls to several of her male friends. She claimed because she spent her birthday in juvenile that it was her right to have a birthday party. I was intensely annoyed at her, to say the least. I then had her called back all her friends and cancel the party. Her canceling the party was the result, but we had a yelling match before she agreed to do it. According to her, my husband gave her permission to have a party. I did not think she should be rewarded especially after all the behavioral issues. I also clearly explained to her that she needs to ask permission before using the telephone. Last night after my husband went to take our oldest child back to her college campus, she took his telephone and called a male friend. At about 12 midnight, her younger sister entered our bedroom ...

The joy of my second daughter’s college acceptance letter is being overshadowed by the troubles of the younger one. As a matter of fact, her issues seem to be taking away from all the other children. I do notice that the younger ones seem to be hugging and kissing me more than usual, an appreciated gesture. Whatever I had negotiated with the district attorney office is no longer an option for us. I had to, reluctantly hire a lawyer for my daughter. They were not pleased about her being suspended from the military program. They are requiring for her to be placed in counseling. Ironically that is what I started with when she first started acting out. After she had been arrested, I requested that she be placed in a residential program. Insurance wise, I knew she would not meet the criteria in order for our medical program to pay. So essentially after 9 months nothing came of all my efforts. The court hearing is on Monday, and I have a sickening feeling that the court will mandate that w...

As a young woman, I was not a risk taker but more of a rule follower. As an adult, I still prefer to make sound choices. I recognized that this state of being has inhibited me to the point where I remained in difficult situations a lot longer than I cared or needed to. As a young child growing up and even into early adulthood, it was always my desire to live and work at home among my people. After I had arrived in the United States, I struggled within myself as I found it difficult to achieve my goals. I then wanted nothing more than to return to my place of birth. In those early years after I verbalized my desire to a friend, I allowed her to talk me into staying. I continued working and toiling and eventually working and caring for both New York City's wealthy and the disfranchised. After making some strides in my chosen field, I met and married a Native New Yorker. I had momentarily forgotten that my desire was to return home. At that point, I had been in this Country for twel...

Is there ever a time when it is OK to say, “I have done my best, yet it was not good enough, I just need to give up?” I have asked myself this question many times and today, this is where I am again. It is extremely difficult when you give yourself to others over and over, only to push my interests on the back burner. It is even worse when circumstances stand in the way of attaining a goals and one have to start again. I am terribly disappointed because my daughter got dismissed from the Texas ChalleNGe Academy. The program was supposedly geared towards teaching the cadets discipline also, to enable them to finish high school. In my last blog, I stated that my daughter felt that she was not getting any love where she was. It turned out there were 20 girls in the program and a much larger number of boys. In trying to keep the boys separated from the girls, the girls were mostly kept locked in the bunker. According to my daughter a few of the girls started to harass her. She reported...

I received a letter from my daughter yesterday saying, she had cried for three hours the day before she wrote that letter. Previously to that I got one saying, the program she was at was not as hard as they made it out to be. All the girls did was stretches, and it was the boys that the drills were being taught to. In that letter, she stated that the boys were being treated harshly but the girls as if they were their own children. It was beyond me why that was a terrible thing. Now she wrote, I am in need of love and affection, but now I am not getting any. Besides she said, I have serious separation anxiety issues and it is extremely difficult being away from you. This is the one thing I can identify with. Even at eighteen years old when I decided to leave home to follow after my dreams, I remember how difficult it was. I also wanted to return to my parents, but my care-taker would not hear of it. At one point, I called my mother crying, telling her to come to my rescue because I ne...

On Friday, we drove six hours to drop off our beautiful daughter at Texas ChalleNGe Academy. I was a bit apprehensive. I had made this awful decision because I am so determined to ensure that this child achieve academic success. This school would be a lot different from all the private school she attended in the past. This is like military school, and it will be extremely disciplined and tough. When we got to the facility, they had the parents stand in a separate line from the cadets. Parents were instructed to go on another line where paper work was reviewed to make sure all was in order. My husband carried my daughter's bag from the car, and while we were on line waiting to enter the building. At the appointed moment, he gave it to her. Students were to carry their own bags. As my husband placed one of the bags on her back, she started to drift backwards. "I will not be able to carry this," she said. "You will have to," he told her. "That is what th...