Priority
I had an epiphany this morning. It occurred to me that where my children's heart is that is what they are interested in. I often got frustrated when I felt that I was not getting through to them. They would all seem to grasp some of what I would try to convey but not the entire picture. I started examining the things I stressed as a parent and what I was like as a youth. Especially so now that two out of four has placed forming relationship as their main focus. I tried to teach my girls that relationships were more important than possessions.
As their mother I believed that I valued people and relationships more than acquiring material goods. It was because of this belief that I abandoned my career to care for my family. Once I had a family the career became secondary to them. Given all this, I still have a few treasured effects. I get quite upset when they take or damage my personal belongings. My children have never expressed that they feel that I value my things more than them. Neither have they said that I unjustly punish them for destroying or taking my things without asking. This is all my personal thoughts. If I attribute my disappointment in the lost of my possessions because of their value over my relationship with them, then I am indeed giving them a double message.
Children do test their parents from time to time especially when they are trying to become their own person. It is very natural to be greatly disappointed and have feeling of loss if a treasured belonging is lost. It takes a person with excellent self control to be able to put aside their personal feelings and remain focused on the important things. I know this is a struggle for me. It is only now that I have children that I am realizing how simple it is to know what is right but how difficult it is to live out these things. I have to ask myself which is most important to me, my things or the lessons I want for them to learn?
So it is important for them to form relationships but at this stage their focus should be on learning. As I said yesterday it is all about balance. A foolish person destroys his or her own house but a wise person nurture or builds it. In the end I hope to be more proud of my children, than some trinket I obtained along the way.
As their mother I believed that I valued people and relationships more than acquiring material goods. It was because of this belief that I abandoned my career to care for my family. Once I had a family the career became secondary to them. Given all this, I still have a few treasured effects. I get quite upset when they take or damage my personal belongings. My children have never expressed that they feel that I value my things more than them. Neither have they said that I unjustly punish them for destroying or taking my things without asking. This is all my personal thoughts. If I attribute my disappointment in the lost of my possessions because of their value over my relationship with them, then I am indeed giving them a double message.
Children do test their parents from time to time especially when they are trying to become their own person. It is very natural to be greatly disappointed and have feeling of loss if a treasured belonging is lost. It takes a person with excellent self control to be able to put aside their personal feelings and remain focused on the important things. I know this is a struggle for me. It is only now that I have children that I am realizing how simple it is to know what is right but how difficult it is to live out these things. I have to ask myself which is most important to me, my things or the lessons I want for them to learn?
So it is important for them to form relationships but at this stage their focus should be on learning. As I said yesterday it is all about balance. A foolish person destroys his or her own house but a wise person nurture or builds it. In the end I hope to be more proud of my children, than some trinket I obtained along the way.
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