The Challenge of the teen years
The idea of parenting is to guide children not to repress them to where they become discouraged. This is what I meant when I said in my previous writing that a wise person builds her home and a foolish person tears it apart. The idea is to instruct children so that they can make good decisions in life. Everyone makes mistakes but in doing so it should be a learning process. I would want for my mistakes to be teaching tool. For others to not make the same mistakes I made and for me to not keep repeating the same mistakes. I am thankful that I do have the option to evaluate what I am doing and what I need to be working on. Actually that is what these writing have been about for me. I am working through and giving thought to my actions and responses. I am also evaluating them and considering if I am getting my desired out come.
My children do not have the maturity to do this for themselves but this is something I would want for them to learn. I also do want to discourage negative behavior but I do not want to achieve the extreme where they become riddled by guilt. Therefore at times it is necessary to forgive them and to let it go. Other times discussing their behaviors and choices with them enable them to learn from their mistakes. The goal is for them to develop strong moral character and poise. Life is about choices. As individuals we all have preference and my life style may not be exactly the same as another person’s. That does not make it any better or worse. If I differ from my sister, brother, friend, I am just different, no two people are exactly alike. Knowing right from wrong has never stopped me from making mistakes. It took me what seems to be a life time before I was able to see there were some things I could have done differently. I think now that my children are at this critical age, that I am thinking a lot more about these things. I guess as I have thought them to be independent minded they are now making preferences. As their choices differ from mine this has become difficult for me and I want to trash all these honorable ideas.
On the flip side, I know at times I have frustratingly said to them, “do I have to tell you everything?” In other words make a decision that is yours and do not involve me. So I do want for them to think for themselves. It is actually pretty tiresome to have to make decision for people that are capable of making some. It is very necessary to guide them so that they can get to the point when they can do it all on their own. If we build them up then they develop the confidence to be able to do this. If I correct or intervene needlessly then they will constantly doubt themselves and start to look to others for validation.
My children do not have the maturity to do this for themselves but this is something I would want for them to learn. I also do want to discourage negative behavior but I do not want to achieve the extreme where they become riddled by guilt. Therefore at times it is necessary to forgive them and to let it go. Other times discussing their behaviors and choices with them enable them to learn from their mistakes. The goal is for them to develop strong moral character and poise. Life is about choices. As individuals we all have preference and my life style may not be exactly the same as another person’s. That does not make it any better or worse. If I differ from my sister, brother, friend, I am just different, no two people are exactly alike. Knowing right from wrong has never stopped me from making mistakes. It took me what seems to be a life time before I was able to see there were some things I could have done differently. I think now that my children are at this critical age, that I am thinking a lot more about these things. I guess as I have thought them to be independent minded they are now making preferences. As their choices differ from mine this has become difficult for me and I want to trash all these honorable ideas.
On the flip side, I know at times I have frustratingly said to them, “do I have to tell you everything?” In other words make a decision that is yours and do not involve me. So I do want for them to think for themselves. It is actually pretty tiresome to have to make decision for people that are capable of making some. It is very necessary to guide them so that they can get to the point when they can do it all on their own. If we build them up then they develop the confidence to be able to do this. If I correct or intervene needlessly then they will constantly doubt themselves and start to look to others for validation.
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