A Question of Love!
I know that even more difficult things lie in front of me, and I am uncertain of how I will face those days. Choosing the right spouse or a partner in life is detrimental to ones wellbeing. I know that accidents and illness can also affect the quality of one's life. If one's circumstances changes due to natural disaster, the degree of difficulty, in a marriage, would probably be the same as having a person of poor character. I do believe, in the case of a natural disaster, the circumstances would be more palatable. I have had many trying times, as a result of not having a partner that was sensitive to my needs. Not only that, he availed himself to many others, and that left me alone and unsupported. Every thing that happened here could have been handled with support; therefore, this was the worse.
The better is that, I am now terrible aware that, I need to feel loved. I am also cognizant of all other past relationships, and explored them, to know if they also cared or not cared about me. Through my relationships, I have been enlightened to the meaning of the word of God. I now grasp the reason, he said, the heart of all men is evil above all things and desperately wicked. He was referring to man’s motives for doing or not doing. It is not driven from the desire to do right but mostly from what they hope to achieve.
I also know that God sets things in motion in order to accomplish his purpose. Unfortunately, from my vantage point, he also appears selfish. I am here to experience these things, and if people around me do not know that I am his servant, he surely does. As the level of difficulty increased, I certainly needed enablement during this extremely difficult period. Why continue not to fulfill my needs? Why not be merciful, and give me a moment away from all this foolishness?
I often think back on how men treated their slaves. They worked them, starved them and did not compensate them for their labor. A servant, on the other hand, is usually compensated and given the tools needed to succeed. I also think about all his elect, and how he enabled and took care of them. I look at different scenarios, and I see and know what he does for others. I feel that my marriage is pictorial of my relationship with him. I see how no matter, what my husband did not acknowledge or corrected his actions. Not that there is anything he can do at this time that would result in reconciliation. I have done the same for him as I did for my daughter, I also gave him many chances, in the past, to choose me, defend and help me.
I awoke once again this morning to this question. Was this all to show me how mistaken I am about men? I certainly am confused about all their actions, even my father’s words. I certainly do not feel that I can continue to sacrifice myself for a race that does not know how to love. I am convinced that all those he chose for me never sincerely cared about me. Certainly, he who, God said would help has refused. I have had one dysfunctional relationship, and that is enough. When only one person is making all the effort, that is not a partnership that is an inevitable ship wreck. As a human being, I also want love and affection, and there is no purpose that is greater than that. With that, I now know that I will also fail to do what I came here to do. I guess the same as a child with supportive parents would excel as opposed to one with unsupportive parents.
The better is that, I am now terrible aware that, I need to feel loved. I am also cognizant of all other past relationships, and explored them, to know if they also cared or not cared about me. Through my relationships, I have been enlightened to the meaning of the word of God. I now grasp the reason, he said, the heart of all men is evil above all things and desperately wicked. He was referring to man’s motives for doing or not doing. It is not driven from the desire to do right but mostly from what they hope to achieve.
I also know that God sets things in motion in order to accomplish his purpose. Unfortunately, from my vantage point, he also appears selfish. I am here to experience these things, and if people around me do not know that I am his servant, he surely does. As the level of difficulty increased, I certainly needed enablement during this extremely difficult period. Why continue not to fulfill my needs? Why not be merciful, and give me a moment away from all this foolishness?
I often think back on how men treated their slaves. They worked them, starved them and did not compensate them for their labor. A servant, on the other hand, is usually compensated and given the tools needed to succeed. I also think about all his elect, and how he enabled and took care of them. I look at different scenarios, and I see and know what he does for others. I feel that my marriage is pictorial of my relationship with him. I see how no matter, what my husband did not acknowledge or corrected his actions. Not that there is anything he can do at this time that would result in reconciliation. I have done the same for him as I did for my daughter, I also gave him many chances, in the past, to choose me, defend and help me.
I awoke once again this morning to this question. Was this all to show me how mistaken I am about men? I certainly am confused about all their actions, even my father’s words. I certainly do not feel that I can continue to sacrifice myself for a race that does not know how to love. I am convinced that all those he chose for me never sincerely cared about me. Certainly, he who, God said would help has refused. I have had one dysfunctional relationship, and that is enough. When only one person is making all the effort, that is not a partnership that is an inevitable ship wreck. As a human being, I also want love and affection, and there is no purpose that is greater than that. With that, I now know that I will also fail to do what I came here to do. I guess the same as a child with supportive parents would excel as opposed to one with unsupportive parents.
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