My path to becoming Mom
Some convictions I have are based on my beliefs, and others are based on my fears. While some of my fears are unfounded others can be attributed to my values and passions. I know that there are many who does not ascribe to the things I hold to. What I say and do may be seen as ridiculous to some, on the other hand, there are those who embrace my principles and choices. I wanted to, and I still sometimes try to make a difference in other people's life. With that while in the work force, I chose to work where I thought I would most fullfill my desires. When choosing my mate I also gave thought as to whether the person would support me with this.
As a young woman, I had an unusually idealistic view of the world. I know there were broken hurting people. I did not realize that people disliked and intentionally hurt others for no other reason other than selfishness. At times, their actions were driven by suspicion or because of their viewpoint or the things they were taught. Oddly enough, I was remarkably patient when I was young, but I was not fully aware of how cruel and selfish others could be. Today as much understanding as I have acquired about the human condition, I have grown to have little tolerance for selfishness or indifference.
In my youth, my life did not always mirror that of my peers. While I had to get a job instead of going to college, some of them did not. I convinced myself that I was waiting for my time. In retrospect, I can see that I had a lot to learn, although it would have been ideal had I gone straight to college after high school. That, however, might have changed my path in life. The path I took made me more sensitive to the plight of others. Going straight to college would have been my preferred path but I might not have been apart of my children’s life had I done so.
After I had graduated from Nursing school, I worked tirelessly in the emergency room with homeless and sometimes drug addicted men and women. After seeing some of the same patients excessively over a period of time, I quickly began to feel I was not impacting anyone’s life. Giving them a meal and a clean change of clothing was only a temporary fix. Pretty soon this clothing would become dirty from urine and going unchanged. Their attitude and life would be as hopeless as it was the week before. Numerous times, I did my best and put out a brave front in treating these people the way I do everyone else. The stress of being an emergency room nurse and not making any real impact on my community wore on me. I knew of these things, but I was removed from the reality of their lives. I got to know that, like the rest of us, these people procreate and produce young children. I also became knowledgable as to the effect addiction had on their offspring. Unlike those of us that cannot identify with that way of living, they are not the best caretakers. Their children more than the population at large end up in the custody of the State.
I formulated the idea in my head that I could probably do a much better job with children. I figured life would not have been as harsh on them as it would have an adult. Needless to say, I got lucky or cursed depending on your view of families with a many children. The guy I met and married wanted a large family. He grew up as an only child, and he wanted to surround himself with family. I used his desire to fulfill my own. I told him, he could have his large family if he would agree to having adopted children. He said he did not mind as long as I gave him biological children. I agreed to having one or two children with him.
We adopted a family of four girls. They came from a woman whose back ground was similar to the patients I used to take care of. I did not know her nor have I ever met her. All I know of her is the things that I read. I wanted to do this, but I did not know how this would affect my life. I did not know how drugs and alcohol affected children’s behavior or their ability to learn.
This was my passion, but it was not that of others around me or even my community. Some people openly received them while others were unkind and lacked compassion for them. Pretty much in the same manner they would frown on a drug addict or a fallen down drunk, they rejected my children. As difficult as things got, I defended them as a lioness would do her cub. There were those who had compassion on me and supported me in various ways.
In addition to these children, I have three biological ones, and these were as much of a blessing as were the others. I say so, although, they did not require as much mothering. It is with my chosen daughters that there were constantly challenges. Yet, unless I made it known, no one would be the wiser, or so I thought. For they excel in a number of different arenas. The oldest child was accepted in an academically challenging college program. The second girl has some challenges and is working on them so that she too can have the same kind of academic success. The younger two I am still working on, but they also perform extremely well in other areas of their life. I know I push them as if they were untouched by their past. It is probably not fair to them because some things will follow them for the rest of their life. With all the successes, they have had it is these things that some times disappoint me. They are already a lot better off than they would have been in their biological home. For now, getting all of them to finish high school and in college is my goal. Later I know my desire will be for them all to finish and become contributing citizens.
As a young woman, I had an unusually idealistic view of the world. I know there were broken hurting people. I did not realize that people disliked and intentionally hurt others for no other reason other than selfishness. At times, their actions were driven by suspicion or because of their viewpoint or the things they were taught. Oddly enough, I was remarkably patient when I was young, but I was not fully aware of how cruel and selfish others could be. Today as much understanding as I have acquired about the human condition, I have grown to have little tolerance for selfishness or indifference.
In my youth, my life did not always mirror that of my peers. While I had to get a job instead of going to college, some of them did not. I convinced myself that I was waiting for my time. In retrospect, I can see that I had a lot to learn, although it would have been ideal had I gone straight to college after high school. That, however, might have changed my path in life. The path I took made me more sensitive to the plight of others. Going straight to college would have been my preferred path but I might not have been apart of my children’s life had I done so.
After I had graduated from Nursing school, I worked tirelessly in the emergency room with homeless and sometimes drug addicted men and women. After seeing some of the same patients excessively over a period of time, I quickly began to feel I was not impacting anyone’s life. Giving them a meal and a clean change of clothing was only a temporary fix. Pretty soon this clothing would become dirty from urine and going unchanged. Their attitude and life would be as hopeless as it was the week before. Numerous times, I did my best and put out a brave front in treating these people the way I do everyone else. The stress of being an emergency room nurse and not making any real impact on my community wore on me. I knew of these things, but I was removed from the reality of their lives. I got to know that, like the rest of us, these people procreate and produce young children. I also became knowledgable as to the effect addiction had on their offspring. Unlike those of us that cannot identify with that way of living, they are not the best caretakers. Their children more than the population at large end up in the custody of the State.
I formulated the idea in my head that I could probably do a much better job with children. I figured life would not have been as harsh on them as it would have an adult. Needless to say, I got lucky or cursed depending on your view of families with a many children. The guy I met and married wanted a large family. He grew up as an only child, and he wanted to surround himself with family. I used his desire to fulfill my own. I told him, he could have his large family if he would agree to having adopted children. He said he did not mind as long as I gave him biological children. I agreed to having one or two children with him.
We adopted a family of four girls. They came from a woman whose back ground was similar to the patients I used to take care of. I did not know her nor have I ever met her. All I know of her is the things that I read. I wanted to do this, but I did not know how this would affect my life. I did not know how drugs and alcohol affected children’s behavior or their ability to learn.
This was my passion, but it was not that of others around me or even my community. Some people openly received them while others were unkind and lacked compassion for them. Pretty much in the same manner they would frown on a drug addict or a fallen down drunk, they rejected my children. As difficult as things got, I defended them as a lioness would do her cub. There were those who had compassion on me and supported me in various ways.
In addition to these children, I have three biological ones, and these were as much of a blessing as were the others. I say so, although, they did not require as much mothering. It is with my chosen daughters that there were constantly challenges. Yet, unless I made it known, no one would be the wiser, or so I thought. For they excel in a number of different arenas. The oldest child was accepted in an academically challenging college program. The second girl has some challenges and is working on them so that she too can have the same kind of academic success. The younger two I am still working on, but they also perform extremely well in other areas of their life. I know I push them as if they were untouched by their past. It is probably not fair to them because some things will follow them for the rest of their life. With all the successes, they have had it is these things that some times disappoint me. They are already a lot better off than they would have been in their biological home. For now, getting all of them to finish high school and in college is my goal. Later I know my desire will be for them all to finish and become contributing citizens.
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