My Plight in Poetry!

I understand the how and the why.
Not initially, but now I do.
He simply was not ever considering
Anyone other than himself.

The profoundness of his betrayal
Was extremely hurtful and confusing.
His continued lies and desertion.
I question myself, knowing I'm imperfect.
How then could I later forgive this man?

I see where it is specifically stated
That, not until a certain date,
Would he have compassion on me.
I know that even now, I needed assistance,
Support and love, but was left without.

I know the reason for that as it states.
In order that I might not turn away.
But for those precise reasons,
I have no cause ever look his way again.

At the beginning, and the ending of each day.
I remain aware, that I was not given,
But was left alone to fend for myself.
Why should I continue to care about any of this?
When all he has displayed is contempt for me?

There has to be some kind of defect within me.
Did he destroy me, place all before me,
In order to heal them and replace me?
Why, am I asking again, when it is so evident?

I battle within myself with every aspect of this.
I feel that most of all, I will soon betray me.
That by forgiving him, allowing him to comfort me.
I will fail myself by having a vulnerable moment.