Honest Deception

God’s plan for salvation was to free the souls of men. In contrast religion oppresses them. When I say this I speak from personal experience. As I related before, I grew up in a highly conservative Christian environment. I was expected to carry myself in a certain manner, respond in a specific way, socialize only with people from this group and finally chose a partner with similar back ground. Being a very compliant person as much as my heart desired to do otherwise, I did as I was expected to do.

Today a lot of my remorse comes from following the letter of the law and not the principle for which these things were intended. It is always right to obey ones elders and parents until one become of age. So, in so doing I did the right thing. In my home, my parents did not recognize my coming of age as independence. According to my mother a girl does not leave her parents home until she marries. When I left home at age eighteen, I left on my own. I did have my parents blessing to do so. I lived with friends for several years until my mother came to live in the US. At some point she got an apartment and I went to live with her. I was about 21 years old, then. Even then, she expected for our relationship to be no different from when I was a young child. By that I mean keeping tabs on my coming and going and who I socialized with. In general, I would get nothing more than a lecture if I did not comply. I hardly needed one because I always did as was expected. To my recollection, I had no problem with it. I am not saying that I did not have my own desires because I did. I, however, pushed them aside to be compliant.

The difference between that and what God intended for man is free will. If we do ill, God expects us to admit to those wrong doing and for us to say we are sorry. He does not enforce this on anyone. He wants for us to freely choose. The idea is not for us to wake up twenty years later and be remorseful because we did not follow our dreams. It is the very opposite. It is for us to be at peace in knowing we did all the right things. From the prospective of conservative Christian, I did all the right things, as far as being obedient to my parents. When it comes to “being true to myself”, I was not. That is where the error lies. God does not want for us to be true to the world but to lie to our own selves.

I was never outwardly a liar. As far as, where my heart was, in contrast to what my actions were, that was two different things. I can boast and say I never stole anything from any one or lied to my parents, but I did. I did so by never leveling with them and standing up for myself. Lies can actually destroy a person’s life, even one’s own life. So I obeyed the law that says thou shall not literally lie, but I did so deceptively. As a result, my life became an outward show which essentially was not honest. Not that everything that I did was not from my heart because most things that I did actually were. Although, I could have had a more fulfilling life, had I been totally honest. I have been trying to impart the importance of this to my children. They, however, do exactly as they want but in an extremely deceptive manner. Based on my life, I feel that it is essential that they know that this is wrong. To date I can say, they have not grasped what I am trying to convey. By their precise actions, which I find hurtful, yet it has caused me to see my own error. As they are still young, they do not see, but I sincerely hope that you, my readers, can.

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