This I Promise!
I believe in a loving caring God, but for the last few years, I have been unable to see him that way. I know that he occasionally demonstrates his love through a parent, a spouse or in a child- parent relationship. I have been majorly illusive in the things that I have written and even now I am not going to give details. What I will say, is that I have purposed, to stay away from him who always was and is here. I write to keep my spirit up, to stay positive, but my decision is already made. In the past, I would not only write but I would also painting and studying the word of God.
While I used to feel blessed by my minute accomplishments, today I realized how foolish that was. Perhaps I did not realize it before because I took responsibility for acquiring my needs. The moment I decided that my situation was beyond me and that I needed help, then and only then did I turn to him for support. That, I would never do that again, he failed me profoundly. Whereas, it is written in the same Isaiah 54 as claimed by him, that after certain things, that he will never do this again to me. He is right! For I will never ask again, that I promise myself. What I do not have I will do without, and what was mine, would never have been for another. I will never allow another to throw my need for assistance back in my face ever again. He can swear by whatever he wants, and everyone can choose to believe or not believe me, but I am telling the truth.
I decided to evaluate not only his love but the love of others for me, as well. Considering that love is an action verb and not just simply words. I knew that there is not anything one can do to elicit anyone's love. I have learned that through my children, parents, spouse and even personal relationship with him. Perhaps a valuable lesson, although it crushed me, it was the only blessing I can now say that I have truly seen. Where did I get my misconstrued view of God? Actually, I do know! It is from all those that live in a fairytale world, where God is as accommodating and as considerate as any other noble being.
Over and Over, I had to make choices that I would not have had otherwise made had he chosen truly to be there for me. Even now, it has been about eight years since I first asked him to help me with my current situation. He was the one who then told me about the many things that I claim as truth and even the things that will be in the near future. That was his response, as opposed to rendering me aid. He chose to tell me what will be and now eight years later, I am still waiting. The best thing that came out of this is that it made me actually take stock. Compared myself to him. Looked at what he has done for the ones he chose over me. Not that I am covetous of them, but was evaluating if there were truly any love and concern for me.
There truly is not. Who would promise only to be there for someone when they are accomplished? Who would slate all their time to be with others and stand by and do exactly nothing for their beloved? Quite honestly I do not think there is a single solitary being on the face of the earth that would quite honestly do that. With that I write, I ponder, I state my intent, but if things happens as he claims they will. Absolutely nothing will become of any of these writings. For as many as did not know me in my distress, I will not know in my freedom. For once, I am done, I promise myself, I will not attach myself, or turn to anyone that did not show any concern for me.
While I used to feel blessed by my minute accomplishments, today I realized how foolish that was. Perhaps I did not realize it before because I took responsibility for acquiring my needs. The moment I decided that my situation was beyond me and that I needed help, then and only then did I turn to him for support. That, I would never do that again, he failed me profoundly. Whereas, it is written in the same Isaiah 54 as claimed by him, that after certain things, that he will never do this again to me. He is right! For I will never ask again, that I promise myself. What I do not have I will do without, and what was mine, would never have been for another. I will never allow another to throw my need for assistance back in my face ever again. He can swear by whatever he wants, and everyone can choose to believe or not believe me, but I am telling the truth.
I decided to evaluate not only his love but the love of others for me, as well. Considering that love is an action verb and not just simply words. I knew that there is not anything one can do to elicit anyone's love. I have learned that through my children, parents, spouse and even personal relationship with him. Perhaps a valuable lesson, although it crushed me, it was the only blessing I can now say that I have truly seen. Where did I get my misconstrued view of God? Actually, I do know! It is from all those that live in a fairytale world, where God is as accommodating and as considerate as any other noble being.
Over and Over, I had to make choices that I would not have had otherwise made had he chosen truly to be there for me. Even now, it has been about eight years since I first asked him to help me with my current situation. He was the one who then told me about the many things that I claim as truth and even the things that will be in the near future. That was his response, as opposed to rendering me aid. He chose to tell me what will be and now eight years later, I am still waiting. The best thing that came out of this is that it made me actually take stock. Compared myself to him. Looked at what he has done for the ones he chose over me. Not that I am covetous of them, but was evaluating if there were truly any love and concern for me.
There truly is not. Who would promise only to be there for someone when they are accomplished? Who would slate all their time to be with others and stand by and do exactly nothing for their beloved? Quite honestly I do not think there is a single solitary being on the face of the earth that would quite honestly do that. With that I write, I ponder, I state my intent, but if things happens as he claims they will. Absolutely nothing will become of any of these writings. For as many as did not know me in my distress, I will not know in my freedom. For once, I am done, I promise myself, I will not attach myself, or turn to anyone that did not show any concern for me.
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