Putting Self Aside
For the most part, I live in a relatively safe environment. People that are my friend, or have some sort of relationship with are individuals I can trust. Probably like most people, I am afraid of the unknown. As a person, I do not readily embrace outsiders into my life. I would say I am an overly cautious person. It takes me a while to warm up to folks. While working as an emergency room nurse and even prior to that, I met hundreds of people I had to talk to. During these periods my conversations never went beyond client or nurse- patient relationship. I did talk and communicate better with individuals, I worked with.
As my children are going out and developing new relationships, I am some what apprehensive. For this reason, it is extremely pertinent to me that their friends fit into a certain mold. The challenge here is that my children are individuals and most of them are not at all like me. My older daughter, however, is also a supremely cautious person, and because of that, I do not worry as much about her well being.
The child that concerns me the most is my daughter who has a lot of behavioral issues. She tends to want to find comfort in individuals outside our family. This is a trait that is sometimes seen in children that were in foster care in their early years. Children who were exposed to crack cocaine in utero also tend to have attachment issues. Cocaine causes neurological difficulties and sometimes infants may become sensitive to touch. Touching such an infant may actually cause them pain. It is through touch that we learn to bond. As infants, these babies tend to cry more than the average child even when being comforted. It is reported that because of this, their caretaker would get frustrated and in turn ignore the child. As a result, these children end up having trouble forming strong attachments. This is not to say that the child cannot connect, but they attach differently from the average child. This specific daughter was age two when I got her, so I am the only person she knows as a mother. She is, in fact, relying on me, to help her through this period. On the other hand, she views me as an obstacle, hence the difficulty.
After all of the difficulties she has had for the past year, I have been trying to make a considerable amount of effort to listen to her. It is currently her belief that she needs to develop a relationship with her birth mother’s older children. Her birth mother had four older children, other than the four I adopted. Of the three others that I mothered, she has bonded and is close with only the one that is younger than her. At this point, I want for her to get past whatever is preventing her from moving forward with her life. I must admit that I have some anxiety about this. This may mean having to let go and tear down some of my own apprehensions and not be afraid. It may turn out that these people may actually have the same moral and values as I do. Not only that, but this may be effective and my daughter may actually find what she is searching for. On the flip side, it may give her a new appreciation of the family she does have. For those of you who are reading this and are praying folks, say a little prayer for me. Parenting is certainly not for the faint of heart. It is difficult at times to put aside one’s own misgivings to do the right thing.
First published May 2011
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com for more on the Author.
As my children are going out and developing new relationships, I am some what apprehensive. For this reason, it is extremely pertinent to me that their friends fit into a certain mold. The challenge here is that my children are individuals and most of them are not at all like me. My older daughter, however, is also a supremely cautious person, and because of that, I do not worry as much about her well being.
The child that concerns me the most is my daughter who has a lot of behavioral issues. She tends to want to find comfort in individuals outside our family. This is a trait that is sometimes seen in children that were in foster care in their early years. Children who were exposed to crack cocaine in utero also tend to have attachment issues. Cocaine causes neurological difficulties and sometimes infants may become sensitive to touch. Touching such an infant may actually cause them pain. It is through touch that we learn to bond. As infants, these babies tend to cry more than the average child even when being comforted. It is reported that because of this, their caretaker would get frustrated and in turn ignore the child. As a result, these children end up having trouble forming strong attachments. This is not to say that the child cannot connect, but they attach differently from the average child. This specific daughter was age two when I got her, so I am the only person she knows as a mother. She is, in fact, relying on me, to help her through this period. On the other hand, she views me as an obstacle, hence the difficulty.
After all of the difficulties she has had for the past year, I have been trying to make a considerable amount of effort to listen to her. It is currently her belief that she needs to develop a relationship with her birth mother’s older children. Her birth mother had four older children, other than the four I adopted. Of the three others that I mothered, she has bonded and is close with only the one that is younger than her. At this point, I want for her to get past whatever is preventing her from moving forward with her life. I must admit that I have some anxiety about this. This may mean having to let go and tear down some of my own apprehensions and not be afraid. It may turn out that these people may actually have the same moral and values as I do. Not only that, but this may be effective and my daughter may actually find what she is searching for. On the flip side, it may give her a new appreciation of the family she does have. For those of you who are reading this and are praying folks, say a little prayer for me. Parenting is certainly not for the faint of heart. It is difficult at times to put aside one’s own misgivings to do the right thing.
First published May 2011
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com for more on the Author.
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