Profited me Nothing!
Quite honestly it was my daughter’s behavior that caused me to start blogging. As a young woman, I was remarkably different from her. I like boys, but they were not as relevant to me as what I wanted to do with my life. I had some girl friends that I spent time with. I visited with them, and actually counseled a few, concerning their relations. Mostly, I tried to encourage them, when they were saddened after being cheated on.
The people in Belize were from a diverse cultural back ground. As mixed as most of them are, they were few that had the exact, unique blend that I do. As a teen growing up there, I was only aware of that because my parents had different complexion. Back then I did not quite see people in terms of color. I was either attracted to a person, or I was not, but I like most people, not that I would marry them.
I had these unspoken criteria in my head of what love was and what the actions of the one, I chose to marry would be. The standard came from what I was taught in the religious circle of which I was apart of. I was taught that if a man loved me, he would wait for me regardless. Today, I realize that most people do not even know what love is, therefore, most men that I met fell short. To a certain extent, I still do believe that in loving someone that a person would be more willing to make sacrifices to acquire that love.
As I write this, I am being mindful, that my standards tend to be a bit high. I also know that, as a young woman, I was not willing to compromise. I am now aware that I was more gracious and willing to be understanding, when I genuinely cared about someone. As a more mature woman, there are things that I tolerated as a young woman that I would not tolerate, at this time. Although, when I was young there were certain things that I thought were unforgivable that I now see differently. When it comes to love and relationship, I think it is quite OK for a woman to express her interest, but it is the man’s role to pursue a woman.
I know that the reason I chose to marry my husband was because he pursued me. Prior to marrying me, we did not have a sexual relationship. Oddly enough, that was one of my unspoken criteria. I knew that I would choose to marry a man if he treated me well and was willing to wait. Sex is the one thing that men seek from a relationship, therefore, if one truly wanted me, he would be willing to wait, and he did. Even today as our relationship has changed, and I have some resentment. I can tell you that, in some ways, I can see that he is still willing to hold unto me. As strained as our relationship is whether it is based on belief, or his ego, he is making some effort for things to be peaceable between us. Then again he usually does whenever, I feel as if, I can no longer continue the marriage. I have gotten to this place several times in the past. For that reason, I feel that I have honestly tried, but it does not work for me. Whatever he wanted from a marriage, it is obvious that it works for him.
It could be that I have made too many sacrifices for others that I no longer want to try. I have prayed about this as I do most things and like I said before, whatever the answer to that prayer is, it certainly seems to me that it is not in favor of me. In addition, I asked my celestial partner to help me get out of the marriage. He refused! I assume that was because he does not want to be blamed for the demise of my marriage. Given my strong belief concerning dissolving a marriage, I needed his support. For whatever reason, my family has never been my emotional support. I have been doing things singularly for an awful long time and am alone on most things that I do. I asked him because I did not sincerely think that he would turn his back on me. I honestly believed him when he said that his marriage was not him turning away from me, but a misunderstanding but his refusal to help me, has led me to a different conclusion concerning his choices.
I have accepted that I have no one on my side, and although it is difficult, it is probably better. Partnering with men does not work for me. I have attempted several relationships, and I feel that they all failed. I promise myself that once I am though with this one that I will not try again. In my heart, I have out lined somewhat of a plan. I know it will be difficult but meaningful to me. Being alone would mean that I have managed to get away from my purpose. Right now that is extremely pertinent to me because, in the end, it would have given me all that I did not want in this life.
What Loves Really Means
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
The people in Belize were from a diverse cultural back ground. As mixed as most of them are, they were few that had the exact, unique blend that I do. As a teen growing up there, I was only aware of that because my parents had different complexion. Back then I did not quite see people in terms of color. I was either attracted to a person, or I was not, but I like most people, not that I would marry them.
I had these unspoken criteria in my head of what love was and what the actions of the one, I chose to marry would be. The standard came from what I was taught in the religious circle of which I was apart of. I was taught that if a man loved me, he would wait for me regardless. Today, I realize that most people do not even know what love is, therefore, most men that I met fell short. To a certain extent, I still do believe that in loving someone that a person would be more willing to make sacrifices to acquire that love.
As I write this, I am being mindful, that my standards tend to be a bit high. I also know that, as a young woman, I was not willing to compromise. I am now aware that I was more gracious and willing to be understanding, when I genuinely cared about someone. As a more mature woman, there are things that I tolerated as a young woman that I would not tolerate, at this time. Although, when I was young there were certain things that I thought were unforgivable that I now see differently. When it comes to love and relationship, I think it is quite OK for a woman to express her interest, but it is the man’s role to pursue a woman.
I know that the reason I chose to marry my husband was because he pursued me. Prior to marrying me, we did not have a sexual relationship. Oddly enough, that was one of my unspoken criteria. I knew that I would choose to marry a man if he treated me well and was willing to wait. Sex is the one thing that men seek from a relationship, therefore, if one truly wanted me, he would be willing to wait, and he did. Even today as our relationship has changed, and I have some resentment. I can tell you that, in some ways, I can see that he is still willing to hold unto me. As strained as our relationship is whether it is based on belief, or his ego, he is making some effort for things to be peaceable between us. Then again he usually does whenever, I feel as if, I can no longer continue the marriage. I have gotten to this place several times in the past. For that reason, I feel that I have honestly tried, but it does not work for me. Whatever he wanted from a marriage, it is obvious that it works for him.
It could be that I have made too many sacrifices for others that I no longer want to try. I have prayed about this as I do most things and like I said before, whatever the answer to that prayer is, it certainly seems to me that it is not in favor of me. In addition, I asked my celestial partner to help me get out of the marriage. He refused! I assume that was because he does not want to be blamed for the demise of my marriage. Given my strong belief concerning dissolving a marriage, I needed his support. For whatever reason, my family has never been my emotional support. I have been doing things singularly for an awful long time and am alone on most things that I do. I asked him because I did not sincerely think that he would turn his back on me. I honestly believed him when he said that his marriage was not him turning away from me, but a misunderstanding but his refusal to help me, has led me to a different conclusion concerning his choices.
I have accepted that I have no one on my side, and although it is difficult, it is probably better. Partnering with men does not work for me. I have attempted several relationships, and I feel that they all failed. I promise myself that once I am though with this one that I will not try again. In my heart, I have out lined somewhat of a plan. I know it will be difficult but meaningful to me. Being alone would mean that I have managed to get away from my purpose. Right now that is extremely pertinent to me because, in the end, it would have given me all that I did not want in this life.
What Loves Really Means
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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