A Lesson Learned!
Today, I went to pick up one of my older daughters from school in order to help me transport my other children to their activities. She willingly came but was uncertain she would be of much help. She said she had a major exam on Monday. I had a headache for most of the day. My left arm has been aching too. It felt as if, I got a shot in the arm and the breast that I had the biopsy, hurts. I do not remember any of my other biopsy hurting me any.
Perhaps I worked myself up into getting upset. It is not so much about the biopsy but the many ways that the ones I trusted failed me. For years, I went through a lot and never said a word. Not until something was severely wrong did I decide to reach out. I do not usually call anyone unless they request that I do. Therefore, an expected call from me meant that I was under dire duress. There were two actual instances when I reached out to two different individuals, under such circumstances. In both instances, both people did not avail themselves to me. I did not relay my true reason for calling them because; I was so taken aback by the way I was received. I think because I was already a guarded person these incidents reinforced to me that I cannot rely on people and to trust in myself and not others. I am working on getting past this without holding a grudge. I must admit that while I did not feel the pain of the rejection in the past, that I do now. For mysake, I just want to move on and not to hold unto this. I just want to be at peace, not to reconcile with either of these people because our time has passed. I just seriously want to be finished. I do not want any more disappointment of this magnitute ever again. Neither do I want for these let downs be what I remember the most about life.
As sore as my biopsy site is, I still had to transport my kids to their activity of the day. I do not want my children to be worried so I did not tell them that I was not feeling well. I also know that I need to rest, and I have not quite done that as yet. I am trying to figure things out in my head, so I can be at peace about this. I know who and what I am, and I just need to rest assured in that. At this moment, this is not about anyone; this is about doing what's best for me. In my present distress, I need to know who I can put my confidence in, from who I cannot. This is a crucial realization for me. I seriously do not need to turn to the wrong person right now. I cannot afford to make another mistake; the ones I have made will follow me for a life time as it is. I think even knowing that turning to my husband would only serve to upset me, is important. At present, I need to utilize the lessons I learned from reaching out to selfish individuals. My point is, I need to finish processing this, so I can focus on me and move on from these.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
Perhaps I worked myself up into getting upset. It is not so much about the biopsy but the many ways that the ones I trusted failed me. For years, I went through a lot and never said a word. Not until something was severely wrong did I decide to reach out. I do not usually call anyone unless they request that I do. Therefore, an expected call from me meant that I was under dire duress. There were two actual instances when I reached out to two different individuals, under such circumstances. In both instances, both people did not avail themselves to me. I did not relay my true reason for calling them because; I was so taken aback by the way I was received. I think because I was already a guarded person these incidents reinforced to me that I cannot rely on people and to trust in myself and not others. I am working on getting past this without holding a grudge. I must admit that while I did not feel the pain of the rejection in the past, that I do now. For mysake, I just want to move on and not to hold unto this. I just want to be at peace, not to reconcile with either of these people because our time has passed. I just seriously want to be finished. I do not want any more disappointment of this magnitute ever again. Neither do I want for these let downs be what I remember the most about life.
As sore as my biopsy site is, I still had to transport my kids to their activity of the day. I do not want my children to be worried so I did not tell them that I was not feeling well. I also know that I need to rest, and I have not quite done that as yet. I am trying to figure things out in my head, so I can be at peace about this. I know who and what I am, and I just need to rest assured in that. At this moment, this is not about anyone; this is about doing what's best for me. In my present distress, I need to know who I can put my confidence in, from who I cannot. This is a crucial realization for me. I seriously do not need to turn to the wrong person right now. I cannot afford to make another mistake; the ones I have made will follow me for a life time as it is. I think even knowing that turning to my husband would only serve to upset me, is important. At present, I need to utilize the lessons I learned from reaching out to selfish individuals. My point is, I need to finish processing this, so I can focus on me and move on from these.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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