Genuine Struggle
According to my father, my readers do not know what it is, I am writing about. It is clear, that my writings are not producing what I intended it to. I am capable of giving detail explanations, but I purposefully refrain for the sake of those that my spirit will bless in the future. I understand the purpose behind my difficulties. I am still grieved about it, and remarkably more so, by the way, I was left alone to fend for myself by the one that is here with me. At the same time, I do not want to stop the value that my spirit will bring about in the future. I tried my best to disclose the information to one of the recipients, but I know because I am still attached to my present obligation that the message was not clearly understood. I was not sent here for the sole benefit of one person but for the glory of many, also the Jewish nation. Only when I finally get around to doing what my heart desire, will these things come into being. In the meant time, I wrestle with my hurt, I fight with God that elected me, and I carry resentment for the one that deserted me.
My current circumstances will change and only when those changes come about will these things happen. Well at least that is what I was told. I am, however, contemplating taking a different path that may change the intended future of many. Basically, with holding the favor of others because God has turned his back on me. I am here to fulfill the second part of an old promise to the Jews. If I chose to remain alone as I have been left, many things that were prophesied ages ago will not come into being. From my view point, the Jews have long forgotten about these things, so it does not matter. Secondly, some but not all of them does not even realize that I am one of them. With that, I do not feel obligated to do anything for them. I know that some of my mother’s ancestors suffered as much as any Jews did that lived in Germany during Hitler’s reign, but I never knew those. I do not even feel a kin to the one that was chosen to help me bring about some of these things.
He is not even currently aware that I am a relative, and ironically because of that I feel sorry for him. Not that he is suffering in any way. He is well off financially, and does not have the smallest idea about any of these things or that he is apart of my purpose. I have disclosed some things to him but have withheld the pertinent information. I am a bit hesitant about disclosing too much. I want for it to be his desire to be apart of this withstanding any knowledge of what he will gain from it.
In the meant time, I struggle within myself, purposing in my heart, to walk away from the second part of my purpose. I know that the first part is just about finished but again, I feel that my life is about doing for people that do not care about me. Being abandoned certainly is not encouraging. I may be an angel, but I am human too, and even I need a little incentive to make choices that are of no benefit to me.
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My current circumstances will change and only when those changes come about will these things happen. Well at least that is what I was told. I am, however, contemplating taking a different path that may change the intended future of many. Basically, with holding the favor of others because God has turned his back on me. I am here to fulfill the second part of an old promise to the Jews. If I chose to remain alone as I have been left, many things that were prophesied ages ago will not come into being. From my view point, the Jews have long forgotten about these things, so it does not matter. Secondly, some but not all of them does not even realize that I am one of them. With that, I do not feel obligated to do anything for them. I know that some of my mother’s ancestors suffered as much as any Jews did that lived in Germany during Hitler’s reign, but I never knew those. I do not even feel a kin to the one that was chosen to help me bring about some of these things.
He is not even currently aware that I am a relative, and ironically because of that I feel sorry for him. Not that he is suffering in any way. He is well off financially, and does not have the smallest idea about any of these things or that he is apart of my purpose. I have disclosed some things to him but have withheld the pertinent information. I am a bit hesitant about disclosing too much. I want for it to be his desire to be apart of this withstanding any knowledge of what he will gain from it.
In the meant time, I struggle within myself, purposing in my heart, to walk away from the second part of my purpose. I know that the first part is just about finished but again, I feel that my life is about doing for people that do not care about me. Being abandoned certainly is not encouraging. I may be an angel, but I am human too, and even I need a little incentive to make choices that are of no benefit to me.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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