First Step
Well I took that first step towards doing something for myself. It is not exactly what I want to do, but maybe this time it may take me where I want to be. I applied for a job. Not in my immediate vicinity but in a near by City about four hours from where I live. Nursing was supposed to be a stepping stone for me. The way I mapped it out in my head was that it was going to help pay for the rest of my education. Needless to say, that never happened. Today it would seem as if I will have to go back to it and try again.
As I have grown, I am a different person from the one I was with those ideas. I have had many disappointments and failures and have done other things I never dreamed, I would do. I typically spend my time doing things for my family, writing and painting. On occasion, I would do a presentation for the United Way. That was the kind of work I intended to do from the start. My intention was to acquire skills that would allow me to do humanitarian things. I now do so on occasion, but I intended to do that full time. As a young woman, I felt that was my purpose in life. For whatever reason, at that time I thought that having a boyfriend would hinder that. Ironically, being married did.
My passion for my life today has changed. As I tried to adjust to my ever changing circumstances and to meet my family's needs, I had to reinvent myself. As an individual, I had a need to do things other than being a wife and mother. From the very beginning this frustrated me. I tried to get my husband help on this, but he felt that I should be satisfied with being his wife. With all the troubles I have with the girls, not having done for myself has caused even greater disappointment. It felt as if the one thing I concentrated mainly on ended up with a heap of trouble and I missed out on what I wanted to do.
I do not actually want to go back to work. If I had my way, I would take painting classes to develop the skill I currently have. I am not the girl who wanted to abstain from having relationships in order to do missionary work any more. I am a different girl. I am now a woman who loves to write and paint and travel and relax and not be plagued with foolish issues. I must say the one consistent thing in my life though is that I do not get to do what I truly want. So now I can only hope to get a phone call for a job interview.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
As I have grown, I am a different person from the one I was with those ideas. I have had many disappointments and failures and have done other things I never dreamed, I would do. I typically spend my time doing things for my family, writing and painting. On occasion, I would do a presentation for the United Way. That was the kind of work I intended to do from the start. My intention was to acquire skills that would allow me to do humanitarian things. I now do so on occasion, but I intended to do that full time. As a young woman, I felt that was my purpose in life. For whatever reason, at that time I thought that having a boyfriend would hinder that. Ironically, being married did.
My passion for my life today has changed. As I tried to adjust to my ever changing circumstances and to meet my family's needs, I had to reinvent myself. As an individual, I had a need to do things other than being a wife and mother. From the very beginning this frustrated me. I tried to get my husband help on this, but he felt that I should be satisfied with being his wife. With all the troubles I have with the girls, not having done for myself has caused even greater disappointment. It felt as if the one thing I concentrated mainly on ended up with a heap of trouble and I missed out on what I wanted to do.
I do not actually want to go back to work. If I had my way, I would take painting classes to develop the skill I currently have. I am not the girl who wanted to abstain from having relationships in order to do missionary work any more. I am a different girl. I am now a woman who loves to write and paint and travel and relax and not be plagued with foolish issues. I must say the one consistent thing in my life though is that I do not get to do what I truly want. So now I can only hope to get a phone call for a job interview.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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