My Frustration

One night after I was already asleep, there was a knock at one of my daughter’s window. When she looked out she saw two men in ski-masks. That night she was not expected to be there. It was only supposed to be me and the other troubled child. When that girl looked out the window the men fled. My husband and all the children were supposed to go on an overnight camping trip. I cannot recall the exact details, but the one girl was not going so it was planned that I would stay home with her. The last minute the other one decided to stay.

When my husband came home, I told him about the incident in the presence of my one daughter that was expected to be there. I then asked her who the men were. Initially, she refrained from answering and kept biting on her bottom lip. My husband then jumped to her defense and said the men were thieves. She did not say a word. I felt she knew exactly who they were because she appeared nervous. This is the reason, I say he supports her and does not protect me and why I feel unsafe in my home.

I ignored all these things and tried pursuing every avenue to get her help. Everything I tried failed because, for some reason, everyone chooses to believe her lies, without hearing my account of the story. I was actually hoping that she would get some kind of understanding as to why I object to her behavior. I have paid keen attention to what she says and how she interacts with me. She has had about four passes to visit with us from the residential treatment center, where she currently is. The way she interacted with me on the last two visits; has left me feeling that I need to defend myself. Certain behaviors remain unchanged. She knows all the right things to say, and my husband is satisfied with that. I on the other hand believes, she is putting on an act inorder to be discharged. Unfortunately, one person at the facility has already bought into it and because of this the insurance is no longer covering the cost of her being there. It is only a matter of time and she will be out of there. That has caused me to be alarmed and feeling as though I no longer need to be so noble.

I cannot expect anyone to fully understand my frustration or to care for me for an extended time. This is why I was trying to get employment far from here. I know that if I want to be safe that it was up to me.

These children’s needs were so immense that I chose to stay home to care for them over my profession. I felt that I both a job and caring for them would be too enormous of a challenge, so with that I placed their needs over my aspirations. I continued to put their welfare over my well being and lately even my reputation.

I know the girl is mentally ill, but by all outward appearance, she appears to be a loving and sweet girl. Why would anyone not believe her tale? According to her she stole my car to get away from me because she cannot get me off her back. I am supposedly a super controlling mother that kept harassing her. Well that was her version of the story. The reason her court officer recommended that her sentence be commuted. If only they knew, two weeks after her court case she stole a cell phone from one of her Math tutors. Again the owner of the Mathasuim, being a father himself was concerned, but did not want to file charges against her. His fear was that in doing so, that it would ruin her future. Two weeks after that she did something else that to me was way more frightening.

Given all these things when I spoke to my husband, his response was, “How can they accuse her, did they see her take it?”

I never intended to reveal any of this, but in case my worse fears are realized, I am. I know my husband would continue to protect her, and my side would never be heard. With that, I have decided to let it be known. If you ever knew me, you would know that I do not harass anyone.

I feel so betrayed by the people I was sure would help me. I am so upset I would never accept their help even if they offered at this time. Despite how horrible this has all been, it has revealed the truth to me. A friend loves at all times, but if this is what it takes for me to know who my friends are, then this is a blessing. I feel that I made a horrible mistake in choosing my partner, and I would never want to do that again. If a person ever loved, knew or trusted me, he would have believed me. There would not have been any need to put this out there. Although I am hurt, I am actually thankful because I also need to protect myself from the hurt of choosing the wrong person, as well.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I did my best. Perhaps I was wrong as to the reason I was brought here. I know I said, it was not to die, but it is obvious it was not to live either because being in this marriage and caring for the uncaring is not living. I believe that my steps were being directed by my father in heaven with that I feel so betrayed by him also and by the friend who knew me for all ages.

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