Where They Are Today?
Determination is the primary factor that establishes how well a person will do in life and what they will accomplish. I arrived at this conclusion based on how my adopted children are doing at this stage in life. They had such a disadvantage start. Yet, I believe that it is their individual resilience that enabled them individually to be where they are today. As for me, I can see clearly that my life leading up to adopting them had prepared me somehow for this challenge. However, as I previously stated, most of the problems I faced, could have been better handled if I had adequate support. It was extremely difficult given the numerous challenges that I dealt with on a daily basis. To make matters worse, I felt that darned few people recognized that. I was at times ridiculed more than I was affirmed which caused me even more frustration.
Of the four girls as per my knowledge, my oldest daughter was the most abused of them all. As she acted out, I largely focused on meeting her needs. It was super frustrating, and I was annoyed with her because of some of the things she did. I tried asking her not to continue some of her harmful behaviors to no avail. After trying a number of interventions and when they appeared not to have worked, I became frustrated. With that, I yelled at her more often than addressing her in normal tones. I now recognize that back then, she was mostly lost in her own world. Most of the time, she did not hear me as I spoke to her. When I raised my voice that would cause her to respond; where as talking to her normally did not. Thankfully, with therapy periodically throughout the years, she was still able to do well academically. Although, during her initial years with me, after I had her tested psychologically, I was told that she would not do well. The psychologist believed that she was only able to solve math problems because I had over taught her, not that she grasps concepts. I disagreed with the report and pushed her to achieve. She went on to out performed most of her graduating class, and was accepted in one of the best pre-veterinary program in our area.
Her sister that is a year younger than her struggled with a learning disability, and that was as equally challenging for me. I was particularly concerned about her also and had testing done on her. Like wise, she had a lot of therapies throughout the years but for her language disability. She managed to perform well enough in school and is now also attending an excellent University. Knowing her struggles; I was over-whelmed with joy when she graduated high school. She exceeded my expectation with her performance and all her accomplishments. In our early years together, I could not envision this. All I remember was that I did quite a bit in order for her to be where she is now.
The daughter that followed that one appeared to be more like a bright light. Unlike the other two, I feel that she would not be faced with any academic challenges. It was remarkably clear that she had other issues. She could not sit still and was always running, jumping, climbing and touching. The one singular word to describe her would be a dare-devil. The exact first day, I took her to pre-kindergarten; her teacher had a list of complaints, when I went to pick her up. As time went on there was not a single day, the woman did not complain. Finally, I asked her if she would prefer for us to go somewhere else.
She was forthright and said, “Yes.”
Unsure of what to do, I contacted my local State representative. I explained the situation to her assistant. I adopted the children from the state of Texas, and they had some struggles. They were in a private program, but it was my desire to put the child in an environment where she would be accepted without criticism. At that point, he told me about the Head Start Program. He called the regional director and arranged for me to meet with her. I did, and my daughter was accepted in the program. I must say that our experience there was extremely positive. I got to know most of the people that work for that program throughout out area, and after fourteen years, I still maintain an acquaintance with them.
Sadly, however, this child continued to struggle in social settings. After her first kindergarten year, I had to home school her. At the end of that year given that her other sibling still had challenges, I placed her back in public school. She remained there until she completed the fifth grade. After a few weeks in sixth grade, we placed her in a private school. She attended private school until she completed the eighth grade. I truly wanted for her to remain in private school until she finished high school. That did not happen, because I was unable to convinced my husband that this was highly necessary. With that, we placed her back into public school. Within a few months of being there, she started to unravel. From that moment on to date, she has gone steadily down hill, emotionally.
For the last year and a half, I have tried several interventions in order to piece her back together. As I watched her unwind and tried to tell my husband, he did not believe me. He thought I was misinterpreting our daughter’s actions. I felt extremely hurt. During all the previous years, I was alone in advocating for all of our children. I can only recall, him attending one meeting with me. After all the effort that I put into caring for these children and to meet their needs, why would I, all of a sudden turn on them. Even though time and time again, whatever I told him turn out to be correct, he continued to take a stance of disbelief. To date, he still questions me as if my concerns have no merit.
The one thing I do realize about this daughter is that she enjoys attention, and she would do anything to get it. After being mostly alone in trying to get her help, I have decided that I have done all that I can do. At this point, all things remain the same, and I am totally satisfied that I have done, all that I could do. For that reason, I have decided to remove myself. This child has serious issues and, unfortunately, right now, she does not see me as her support. Again, this is something I did not foresee. I also had this child in therapy from an early age, so it is not as if, I did not seek help early on because I did. I was truly hoping that she too would have overcome her struggles.
With whatever little help, I received for this child, there were other program that we could have been apart of that would have been helpful. I am not altogether giving up on her, but what I have found is that those who could offer services are taking her word over mine. As if, it is easier to accept that, I am the real problem and she does not need help. With that, my advocating for her is not being effective. I also realize that, I need to stop and take care of myself and my interest.
I would truly like to see some changes in the way the system works, but I cannot do that without help. I tried to get my husband to team up with me but again as with most things, I do not have his support. I tried to impart to him, the importance of this to me. Again, he told me that this was not what I wanted to do because it would be too stressful. It makes me wonder where has he been for the last sixteen years. As a result, I am now feeling as if, I have lost my life long work, or it has all been discredited. I understand that this child has issues, but I also know the state bear some responsibility, because I asked them several times for help. In the same manner, they have a head start programs they have other resources that they deliberately with held from me. With my husband constant refusal to intervene on my behalf, I feel so betrayed. Again, I failed to get him to come along side me. That is the history of our life. How many times and for how long do I need to be married, single? My life goals were to enable the children so that they would have been able to raise above their difficulties. It is not that I could not accomplish this with even this daughter. It is that there were some hurdles that were greater than I. If not for this child then another, those hurdles need to be removed. With assistance, I am positive that it can be done. I sincerely hope that my father sees it fit to do this for me. For I know if it is his will, then the impossible will be done.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
Of the four girls as per my knowledge, my oldest daughter was the most abused of them all. As she acted out, I largely focused on meeting her needs. It was super frustrating, and I was annoyed with her because of some of the things she did. I tried asking her not to continue some of her harmful behaviors to no avail. After trying a number of interventions and when they appeared not to have worked, I became frustrated. With that, I yelled at her more often than addressing her in normal tones. I now recognize that back then, she was mostly lost in her own world. Most of the time, she did not hear me as I spoke to her. When I raised my voice that would cause her to respond; where as talking to her normally did not. Thankfully, with therapy periodically throughout the years, she was still able to do well academically. Although, during her initial years with me, after I had her tested psychologically, I was told that she would not do well. The psychologist believed that she was only able to solve math problems because I had over taught her, not that she grasps concepts. I disagreed with the report and pushed her to achieve. She went on to out performed most of her graduating class, and was accepted in one of the best pre-veterinary program in our area.
Her sister that is a year younger than her struggled with a learning disability, and that was as equally challenging for me. I was particularly concerned about her also and had testing done on her. Like wise, she had a lot of therapies throughout the years but for her language disability. She managed to perform well enough in school and is now also attending an excellent University. Knowing her struggles; I was over-whelmed with joy when she graduated high school. She exceeded my expectation with her performance and all her accomplishments. In our early years together, I could not envision this. All I remember was that I did quite a bit in order for her to be where she is now.
The daughter that followed that one appeared to be more like a bright light. Unlike the other two, I feel that she would not be faced with any academic challenges. It was remarkably clear that she had other issues. She could not sit still and was always running, jumping, climbing and touching. The one singular word to describe her would be a dare-devil. The exact first day, I took her to pre-kindergarten; her teacher had a list of complaints, when I went to pick her up. As time went on there was not a single day, the woman did not complain. Finally, I asked her if she would prefer for us to go somewhere else.
She was forthright and said, “Yes.”
Unsure of what to do, I contacted my local State representative. I explained the situation to her assistant. I adopted the children from the state of Texas, and they had some struggles. They were in a private program, but it was my desire to put the child in an environment where she would be accepted without criticism. At that point, he told me about the Head Start Program. He called the regional director and arranged for me to meet with her. I did, and my daughter was accepted in the program. I must say that our experience there was extremely positive. I got to know most of the people that work for that program throughout out area, and after fourteen years, I still maintain an acquaintance with them.
Sadly, however, this child continued to struggle in social settings. After her first kindergarten year, I had to home school her. At the end of that year given that her other sibling still had challenges, I placed her back in public school. She remained there until she completed the fifth grade. After a few weeks in sixth grade, we placed her in a private school. She attended private school until she completed the eighth grade. I truly wanted for her to remain in private school until she finished high school. That did not happen, because I was unable to convinced my husband that this was highly necessary. With that, we placed her back into public school. Within a few months of being there, she started to unravel. From that moment on to date, she has gone steadily down hill, emotionally.
For the last year and a half, I have tried several interventions in order to piece her back together. As I watched her unwind and tried to tell my husband, he did not believe me. He thought I was misinterpreting our daughter’s actions. I felt extremely hurt. During all the previous years, I was alone in advocating for all of our children. I can only recall, him attending one meeting with me. After all the effort that I put into caring for these children and to meet their needs, why would I, all of a sudden turn on them. Even though time and time again, whatever I told him turn out to be correct, he continued to take a stance of disbelief. To date, he still questions me as if my concerns have no merit.
The one thing I do realize about this daughter is that she enjoys attention, and she would do anything to get it. After being mostly alone in trying to get her help, I have decided that I have done all that I can do. At this point, all things remain the same, and I am totally satisfied that I have done, all that I could do. For that reason, I have decided to remove myself. This child has serious issues and, unfortunately, right now, she does not see me as her support. Again, this is something I did not foresee. I also had this child in therapy from an early age, so it is not as if, I did not seek help early on because I did. I was truly hoping that she too would have overcome her struggles.
With whatever little help, I received for this child, there were other program that we could have been apart of that would have been helpful. I am not altogether giving up on her, but what I have found is that those who could offer services are taking her word over mine. As if, it is easier to accept that, I am the real problem and she does not need help. With that, my advocating for her is not being effective. I also realize that, I need to stop and take care of myself and my interest.
I would truly like to see some changes in the way the system works, but I cannot do that without help. I tried to get my husband to team up with me but again as with most things, I do not have his support. I tried to impart to him, the importance of this to me. Again, he told me that this was not what I wanted to do because it would be too stressful. It makes me wonder where has he been for the last sixteen years. As a result, I am now feeling as if, I have lost my life long work, or it has all been discredited. I understand that this child has issues, but I also know the state bear some responsibility, because I asked them several times for help. In the same manner, they have a head start programs they have other resources that they deliberately with held from me. With my husband constant refusal to intervene on my behalf, I feel so betrayed. Again, I failed to get him to come along side me. That is the history of our life. How many times and for how long do I need to be married, single? My life goals were to enable the children so that they would have been able to raise above their difficulties. It is not that I could not accomplish this with even this daughter. It is that there were some hurdles that were greater than I. If not for this child then another, those hurdles need to be removed. With assistance, I am positive that it can be done. I sincerely hope that my father sees it fit to do this for me. For I know if it is his will, then the impossible will be done.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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