Questioning My Ability
I am beginning to see a pattern in myself. I am so frustrated with the way things are I decided that I must be an extremely poor judge of character. I truly admired my husband when I first married him. Although, I must say I did not like him a whole lot when I first met him. I thought he was condescending and rude. At that time, I was soft spoken, extremely bashful but laughed a lot. I knew him for years but never bid him the time of day. My sister knew him and spoke quite highly of him. On occasions when we met she would engage in conversation with him, but I never joined in. I would stand by until they were through. When she first mentioned him, I had no clue as to whom she referred. She was impressed with his intelligence. He and my sister were causal friends and had similar academic aspiration. Oddly enough when I finally got around to talking to him like 7 years later, I too was impressed with his intelligence. In the years prior to that, I ignored him.
I remembered once, he asked me to lunch, and I told him, I did not do lunch. He did not try asking me out until years after that. I think his timing was perfect because I had just had a failed relationship and felt a little depressed. He initially conversed with me about my job. That was a pretty safe topic, and I talked freely. I then inquired as to what he was doing with his life. I guess it started out as two people being polite then he asked me to the movies. Then he found out I was a theater person. (I studied theater in college.) As a result, I attended many Broadway shows. So he invited me to a Broadway show, it was one that I have always wanted to see but did not get around to.
During those years, every Wednesday I would tutor children in Harlem. I actually got him to volunteer to do the same. He did, so I had no reason to believe that he would not support my interests in life. By all outward appearance, he does seem to help me but has failed to do so in areas that were relevant. In the situation with the children, when he made an observation and asked me about it, when I gave him an honest answer, if it were not one that he was prepared to handle, he would take the opposite stance. At times, this had devastating effects not only on me but also on the children. The reality is that they are children that were abandoned and abuse. In these situations, these children tend to have struggles at different times in their life. If immediate action is not taken things can escalate. Time after time things got out of hand because I usually did not get his help in the way I needed it. It was enough dealing with these challenges, but this made things difficult.
The problem now is that all this is causing me to doubt the choices, I have made in life. I considered that, if I misjudged him perhaps, I did others, as well. Does this mean that I should not trust my ability to spot a noble person? Right now I seriously think so.
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I remembered once, he asked me to lunch, and I told him, I did not do lunch. He did not try asking me out until years after that. I think his timing was perfect because I had just had a failed relationship and felt a little depressed. He initially conversed with me about my job. That was a pretty safe topic, and I talked freely. I then inquired as to what he was doing with his life. I guess it started out as two people being polite then he asked me to the movies. Then he found out I was a theater person. (I studied theater in college.) As a result, I attended many Broadway shows. So he invited me to a Broadway show, it was one that I have always wanted to see but did not get around to.
During those years, every Wednesday I would tutor children in Harlem. I actually got him to volunteer to do the same. He did, so I had no reason to believe that he would not support my interests in life. By all outward appearance, he does seem to help me but has failed to do so in areas that were relevant. In the situation with the children, when he made an observation and asked me about it, when I gave him an honest answer, if it were not one that he was prepared to handle, he would take the opposite stance. At times, this had devastating effects not only on me but also on the children. The reality is that they are children that were abandoned and abuse. In these situations, these children tend to have struggles at different times in their life. If immediate action is not taken things can escalate. Time after time things got out of hand because I usually did not get his help in the way I needed it. It was enough dealing with these challenges, but this made things difficult.
The problem now is that all this is causing me to doubt the choices, I have made in life. I considered that, if I misjudged him perhaps, I did others, as well. Does this mean that I should not trust my ability to spot a noble person? Right now I seriously think so.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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