Lemons!
My life was never meant to be a blue print for mankind to live by. My life's path was to gain experience and understanding and truly to bring change. This will remain factual as it has always been from the cradle to the grave, or so to speak. As I live and learn I am, trying to amend my actions.
For the most part, I live life from one day to the other, pretty much as any other person. Had that not been the case, I could not truly identify with others. There are some things that are unique about me but that could be said of most people. The accounts of my life are authentic and real so when I say that I understand the struggles of others; it is because I truly do.
I was not born a privileged person. Perhaps unlike most people, I did not sit around waiting for my parents to provide for me. I had a relative that was living with a businessman that owned a grocery store in Belize City. His business was handled by his mother and two sons that were about my age. At about twelve years old, I got him to bring me on board with them. I remembered, my dad was terribly upset. He said that he had enough chores around the house that I could do, if I wanted to work. He did in fact, assigns said chores to me and told me, not to leave the house unless they were all done. So I would get up early and did my best to complete my home chores before the shop opened. There were times when I got behind. At those times, the relative would come to my house and talk to my dad for me. With her intervening, he would allow me to go, and after a while, he did not stop me.
I continue to work throughout my teenage years mostly on weekends and during the summer. I saved some of the money; I earned and, as a result, after, I completed two years at Belize Technical College, I paid my way, when I migrated to the US. During those years my dad was intensely involved in politics and had somewhat of a relationship with the US consulate of that day. With that, I tried to get him to advocate for me because my intent was to study in this country and then to return home there after. He refused me; therefore, I had to do things the real hard way. By that, I mean, I had to work and pay my keep and for my schooling, as well. In the end, I fell short of my goal.
When I adopted my children, my intentions were to pave the way for a child in order that they would realize their dreams. I know that I had to make choices that I would not have ordinarily made had my path been different. Today I understand the purpose of all these things. This does not mean that the understanding makes it easy to accept. For this precise reason, I say that my father could have done better by me. I am still enormously disappointed in having not met those goals, with that, I am terribly anxious about the future. When one has limited resources, there is not a whole lot that they can do.
For me, the future and the past seem pretty much the same. Man, whether Dad or husband, again, all the same. A prime example of the result of limited resources was my inability to paying for college. After having these experiences my preferred way would be to do things on my own without help, but I can see clearly how far that got me the first time around. It is a lot easier to accomplish things with a supportive partner, but at the moment, I do not have one. For whatever reason, it appears as, though, I am constantly not aligned with the right people. I know that just like when I was young, I am trying to do things on my own, because those that I did ask, had often refused to help me. This time around, to date, I have not made any advances in my efforts. My having not worked for so long has become a hindrance. In addition to that, I feel that I was handed lemons to work with. The reality is if you place lemons in water with sugar, it will always produce lemonade. No matter how many times one repeat this; it will be nothing other than lemonade.
There is not anything in life that I give a half effort to, not to my marriage, not my children, simply nothing. So if, I do fail at anything it was not from a lack of trying. It was because lemons do not produce anything but lemonades.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
For the most part, I live life from one day to the other, pretty much as any other person. Had that not been the case, I could not truly identify with others. There are some things that are unique about me but that could be said of most people. The accounts of my life are authentic and real so when I say that I understand the struggles of others; it is because I truly do.
I was not born a privileged person. Perhaps unlike most people, I did not sit around waiting for my parents to provide for me. I had a relative that was living with a businessman that owned a grocery store in Belize City. His business was handled by his mother and two sons that were about my age. At about twelve years old, I got him to bring me on board with them. I remembered, my dad was terribly upset. He said that he had enough chores around the house that I could do, if I wanted to work. He did in fact, assigns said chores to me and told me, not to leave the house unless they were all done. So I would get up early and did my best to complete my home chores before the shop opened. There were times when I got behind. At those times, the relative would come to my house and talk to my dad for me. With her intervening, he would allow me to go, and after a while, he did not stop me.
I continue to work throughout my teenage years mostly on weekends and during the summer. I saved some of the money; I earned and, as a result, after, I completed two years at Belize Technical College, I paid my way, when I migrated to the US. During those years my dad was intensely involved in politics and had somewhat of a relationship with the US consulate of that day. With that, I tried to get him to advocate for me because my intent was to study in this country and then to return home there after. He refused me; therefore, I had to do things the real hard way. By that, I mean, I had to work and pay my keep and for my schooling, as well. In the end, I fell short of my goal.
When I adopted my children, my intentions were to pave the way for a child in order that they would realize their dreams. I know that I had to make choices that I would not have ordinarily made had my path been different. Today I understand the purpose of all these things. This does not mean that the understanding makes it easy to accept. For this precise reason, I say that my father could have done better by me. I am still enormously disappointed in having not met those goals, with that, I am terribly anxious about the future. When one has limited resources, there is not a whole lot that they can do.
For me, the future and the past seem pretty much the same. Man, whether Dad or husband, again, all the same. A prime example of the result of limited resources was my inability to paying for college. After having these experiences my preferred way would be to do things on my own without help, but I can see clearly how far that got me the first time around. It is a lot easier to accomplish things with a supportive partner, but at the moment, I do not have one. For whatever reason, it appears as, though, I am constantly not aligned with the right people. I know that just like when I was young, I am trying to do things on my own, because those that I did ask, had often refused to help me. This time around, to date, I have not made any advances in my efforts. My having not worked for so long has become a hindrance. In addition to that, I feel that I was handed lemons to work with. The reality is if you place lemons in water with sugar, it will always produce lemonade. No matter how many times one repeat this; it will be nothing other than lemonade.
There is not anything in life that I give a half effort to, not to my marriage, not my children, simply nothing. So if, I do fail at anything it was not from a lack of trying. It was because lemons do not produce anything but lemonades.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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