Difficult Position!
The one thing, I should not have to do is push my husband to stand up for me. Any man should know the character of the woman he chose to stay with. In addition, he makes it a habit of telling me what it is that I want. Whatever I often tell him, he would convince me that what I say I want is not what I truly want. After eighteen years of that, I am beyond exhausted.
Too often I would have to tell him that our marriage was over before he would try to make an effort to address issues or do things differently. All of a sudden this morning he asked me for a page from my daughter’s diary where she documented her contemplated behavior. Now, he decided after I am assuming she spent her entire family session with him harping on the fact that I have removed myself. I kept telling her that there are some behaviors that nurture a relationship and others that sever friendships.
According to her diary her actions were planned so as to enable her to go back to private school. When that did not work she became more deviant. All along my husband would defend her when I would tell him of her actions. He went as far as to say, he did not know why it was that I was accusing our daughter of these awful things. He never took into consideration that, on a daily basis, I sent more time with her. We had her since she was two years old. I was the one bathing, clothing, feeding, teaching and dealing with their struggles. With that, I know what would be characteristically true of her. I am also fully aware that he has difficulty accepting that the girls have real issues. For this precise reason, I believed he would occupy his time with other things outside our home. To me, it felt as if he were hardly ever available for us and more as if he were gone 24/7. I still struggle with that, in addition, I never felt validated by him. I am convinced that he too would turn against me in a heart beat.
In the children’s primary years, when he was not working he was volunteering at the radio station. When he was not doing that, he was at the church. For this exact reason, I taught the children to sing so that he could do some sort of activity with them. Even that was a challenge because initially he did not know if it would go over well with the church members. With that he refused to put them on the program. I then had a mutual party convince him that the children could indeed sing. With that he placed them on the program.
Anyway my point is that it is too late. If he loved me and wanted me in his life, he too would have been taking steps to maintain our marriage. Instead, I should not have to be continuously providing him with evidence of anything that take place. My word should be the proof. Yet, he is who, he is, and this is way too stressful. I am also fully aware that he does not actually know me, and that is the root of our problem.
I have often told him that, “I know you do not know who I am. For if you did, I would not have to prove to you that what I tell you, is factual. As your wife, you should take my words as proof.” Instead, I had to provide proof from the pages of this girl diary.
His summary is that he is an engineer and engineers do not go by theory, they go by data.
A person home ought to be there place of refuge and unlike a shelter where there is no telling what is going to come next.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
Too often I would have to tell him that our marriage was over before he would try to make an effort to address issues or do things differently. All of a sudden this morning he asked me for a page from my daughter’s diary where she documented her contemplated behavior. Now, he decided after I am assuming she spent her entire family session with him harping on the fact that I have removed myself. I kept telling her that there are some behaviors that nurture a relationship and others that sever friendships.
According to her diary her actions were planned so as to enable her to go back to private school. When that did not work she became more deviant. All along my husband would defend her when I would tell him of her actions. He went as far as to say, he did not know why it was that I was accusing our daughter of these awful things. He never took into consideration that, on a daily basis, I sent more time with her. We had her since she was two years old. I was the one bathing, clothing, feeding, teaching and dealing with their struggles. With that, I know what would be characteristically true of her. I am also fully aware that he has difficulty accepting that the girls have real issues. For this precise reason, I believed he would occupy his time with other things outside our home. To me, it felt as if he were hardly ever available for us and more as if he were gone 24/7. I still struggle with that, in addition, I never felt validated by him. I am convinced that he too would turn against me in a heart beat.
In the children’s primary years, when he was not working he was volunteering at the radio station. When he was not doing that, he was at the church. For this exact reason, I taught the children to sing so that he could do some sort of activity with them. Even that was a challenge because initially he did not know if it would go over well with the church members. With that he refused to put them on the program. I then had a mutual party convince him that the children could indeed sing. With that he placed them on the program.
Anyway my point is that it is too late. If he loved me and wanted me in his life, he too would have been taking steps to maintain our marriage. Instead, I should not have to be continuously providing him with evidence of anything that take place. My word should be the proof. Yet, he is who, he is, and this is way too stressful. I am also fully aware that he does not actually know me, and that is the root of our problem.
I have often told him that, “I know you do not know who I am. For if you did, I would not have to prove to you that what I tell you, is factual. As your wife, you should take my words as proof.” Instead, I had to provide proof from the pages of this girl diary.
His summary is that he is an engineer and engineers do not go by theory, they go by data.
A person home ought to be there place of refuge and unlike a shelter where there is no telling what is going to come next.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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