Significant Miles Stone!
I had a fairly pleasant day yesterday. Not what I had hoped for, in the way of what I wanted to do. The weather was comparable to my mood, being warm and cold simultaneously. We found a deserted beach with white sand. I did not look at the water save only to avoid the disappointment that I might have felt. Instead, I combed the beach for shells that were grey and white. I gathered a collecting along with a drift wood. I plan on creating something out of it, as that was a significant birth mile stone. Well for me, it was. Most people place more importance on the next one, but I have never been synchronize with people.
I did not ask for anything or anticipate getting anything so as not to be disappointed. Before we left, I bought myself a new dress. In addition to that, I plan to create something to commemorate the occasion.
More than anything, I just wanted to get away for a moment from all the bombardment. That is kind of difficult when I am still physically with the source of some of that. I did not want any kind of gift or gesture that I would have taken as hypocritical. Although, the best gift anyone could give to me at any time is love and respect. I know that the children, I gave birth to have always been respectful to me. I cannot say that the same is true of others that are as significant, and it is my wish to move on and not to look back.
As much as my deepest wish, recently has been for rest, there was a time when it was never to see the face of the ones who deserted me. I found that I was powerless, even in giving myself rest. I felt that was also in the hands of my Heavenly Father. The choice of whether I would continue to believe him, and continue to be disappointed, that was in my hands. I cannot control anyone's responses, but I can learn from my past and accept the reality. Others, including God will always disappoint me.
I made every effort to honor him and his chosen but again most are indifferent to me. So even though I would not willfully turn to certain people to help me, they maybe my only choice, at this point. It has become crucial because of all my disappointments, for me not to let down myself. I communicated my desires to those I do not want to offend, and if they help me, then I have an alternative. If not, I am going through with what I intend to do. I will not turn away from the only person who agreed to help me. Although, this in many ways is a repeat of history because that was how, I ended up marrying my husband. I feel as tired, and without alternative as I did then. I cannot repeatedly turn to the same people only to have them reject me again and again as they have always. I feel it took me an awful long time to accept this, but now I have. I will accept and identify only with these that persistently embrace me. Those who has continuously shun me, I will avoid from now and forevermore.
For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.
I did not ask for anything or anticipate getting anything so as not to be disappointed. Before we left, I bought myself a new dress. In addition to that, I plan to create something to commemorate the occasion.
More than anything, I just wanted to get away for a moment from all the bombardment. That is kind of difficult when I am still physically with the source of some of that. I did not want any kind of gift or gesture that I would have taken as hypocritical. Although, the best gift anyone could give to me at any time is love and respect. I know that the children, I gave birth to have always been respectful to me. I cannot say that the same is true of others that are as significant, and it is my wish to move on and not to look back.
As much as my deepest wish, recently has been for rest, there was a time when it was never to see the face of the ones who deserted me. I found that I was powerless, even in giving myself rest. I felt that was also in the hands of my Heavenly Father. The choice of whether I would continue to believe him, and continue to be disappointed, that was in my hands. I cannot control anyone's responses, but I can learn from my past and accept the reality. Others, including God will always disappoint me.
I made every effort to honor him and his chosen but again most are indifferent to me. So even though I would not willfully turn to certain people to help me, they maybe my only choice, at this point. It has become crucial because of all my disappointments, for me not to let down myself. I communicated my desires to those I do not want to offend, and if they help me, then I have an alternative. If not, I am going through with what I intend to do. I will not turn away from the only person who agreed to help me. Although, this in many ways is a repeat of history because that was how, I ended up marrying my husband. I feel as tired, and without alternative as I did then. I cannot repeatedly turn to the same people only to have them reject me again and again as they have always. I feel it took me an awful long time to accept this, but now I have. I will accept and identify only with these that persistently embrace me. Those who has continuously shun me, I will avoid from now and forevermore.
For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.
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