Not Speaking My Language!
As a young woman growing up, I remember a Youngman, who attended the same congregation as I did, saying that there was a woman that God would honor. I remembered earnestly praying and asking to be that woman. Today, I count that prayer as one of my many unanswered prayers. I now know that the Youngman was referring to the woman that was prophesied about in Revelation 12. From his perspective, the position bestowed upon her was one of honor. That prophecy was about specific events that are yet to come. I am assuming that it is the world's perception that the woman was fully man, and that is not the case. John did clearly state that the sign appeared in heaven. The reason is that heaven was the place of her origin. If she were human, like Mary, then I would agree that, her position was one of honor, bestowed on her by God. I also know that each man or human that he selected was highly favored and love by him.
Each person has his own love language, and what one person may find lovely another may not. For me, spending actual time in my presence says, I love you, to me. Anyone who prefers the company of others over mine loves who ever there are with, in my view, and not me. In the case of my husband, whoever he chooses to protect or defend, I felt was more valuable than I. In this life I have found that there are not many who would care for another, just for the sake of doing so. There always seem to be some ulterior motive. One does not expect that, from God, yet it is written that he gives according to his purpose. From my experience, I now interpret that to mean if it benefits him in some capacity.
From my point of view, men have more flexibility in controlling who they chose as their spouse. As a woman, I can choose a certain man, but for that to come into being they would have to first chose me. If I were living in a perfect world, I would have chosen the Lord and to be honored by him in that way. He, however, did not choose me or brought me here for that. I know that in many cultures woman are chosen as second wives and replacement wives. Even in this society, as a result of divorce, second marriages are extremely common. From being married, I know how devastatingly wrong a marital relationship can quickly go, so for that reason, I am not condemning divorce. This life is filled with obstacle, hence the reality of many unfavorable options. God honesty hates divorce, and he also hates sin, therefore, it was tremendously relevant for him to understand these things in order that the action of men can be justified.
Yet I feel that by virtue of our relationship, if he were now to choose me as a replacement wife that would be dishonoring. He knew that I was also here on the face of the earth, as his elect. Yet he chose to bestow that honor on someone else for the purpose, I previously mentioned. The reason, this is a serious struggle because in the grand sense of honor, love, respect and everything else, I feel, deserted by him. If it were as straightforward as being deserted, it would not be so much of an issue, but I was uncared for by him in every way.
Unlike David and Joseph, whose earthly tasks were honorable, mine is not! I feel that, if in addition, to what I am here to accomplish, if apart of that is to be his second wife, then that is not a position of honor. Although, I am fully aware that it was never about me or out of respect for me. It was about him and the convenience of having adequate support. Yes, we are here for a specific purpose, and I am here as his support but does not mean that I do not need any. Jesus prayed, on earth as it is in heaven, except in this situation, my position in heaven was one of honor. Here, he gave my place, my earthly position to someone else. As a person, that is truly hurtful. I feel that I am not a priority to not even a single person, currently living on this planet. I feel that not only in this way but in many other ways this is disrespectful to me. I am no longer who I was, as a result, a lot of my current thoughts and feelings evolved. I have become an independent thinking individual, and although my position is to obey, I have become a modern woman of today.
It is the God in me!
Each person has his own love language, and what one person may find lovely another may not. For me, spending actual time in my presence says, I love you, to me. Anyone who prefers the company of others over mine loves who ever there are with, in my view, and not me. In the case of my husband, whoever he chooses to protect or defend, I felt was more valuable than I. In this life I have found that there are not many who would care for another, just for the sake of doing so. There always seem to be some ulterior motive. One does not expect that, from God, yet it is written that he gives according to his purpose. From my experience, I now interpret that to mean if it benefits him in some capacity.
From my point of view, men have more flexibility in controlling who they chose as their spouse. As a woman, I can choose a certain man, but for that to come into being they would have to first chose me. If I were living in a perfect world, I would have chosen the Lord and to be honored by him in that way. He, however, did not choose me or brought me here for that. I know that in many cultures woman are chosen as second wives and replacement wives. Even in this society, as a result of divorce, second marriages are extremely common. From being married, I know how devastatingly wrong a marital relationship can quickly go, so for that reason, I am not condemning divorce. This life is filled with obstacle, hence the reality of many unfavorable options. God honesty hates divorce, and he also hates sin, therefore, it was tremendously relevant for him to understand these things in order that the action of men can be justified.
Yet I feel that by virtue of our relationship, if he were now to choose me as a replacement wife that would be dishonoring. He knew that I was also here on the face of the earth, as his elect. Yet he chose to bestow that honor on someone else for the purpose, I previously mentioned. The reason, this is a serious struggle because in the grand sense of honor, love, respect and everything else, I feel, deserted by him. If it were as straightforward as being deserted, it would not be so much of an issue, but I was uncared for by him in every way.
Unlike David and Joseph, whose earthly tasks were honorable, mine is not! I feel that, if in addition, to what I am here to accomplish, if apart of that is to be his second wife, then that is not a position of honor. Although, I am fully aware that it was never about me or out of respect for me. It was about him and the convenience of having adequate support. Yes, we are here for a specific purpose, and I am here as his support but does not mean that I do not need any. Jesus prayed, on earth as it is in heaven, except in this situation, my position in heaven was one of honor. Here, he gave my place, my earthly position to someone else. As a person, that is truly hurtful. I feel that I am not a priority to not even a single person, currently living on this planet. I feel that not only in this way but in many other ways this is disrespectful to me. I am no longer who I was, as a result, a lot of my current thoughts and feelings evolved. I have become an independent thinking individual, and although my position is to obey, I have become a modern woman of today.
It is the God in me!
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