Because of The Way I was
I realized that I came into being trying to be this mature responsible person. When I was about nineteen, twenty years old, I was just starting to embrace the idea of relaxation and play. Emotionally, I was not ready for an adult relationship. I was actually a whiny bratty girl at that age. I tried terribly hard to conceal it from the one man; I had a serious crush on. After a while, it got too difficult. At the time, I started attending nursing school full time; I was a care-free happy girl. Then, I enjoyed being around other people that were at the same emotional level, I was. For a remarkably short time, I enjoyed going to school full time. It was not long before that was over, and I re-entered the work force. Nursing was an extremely challenging curriculum, therefore, brought a different kind of stress into my life. I had to dedicate myself to studying to complete it successfully. I then, suffered a tragic loss just about the time I graduated, and for a while became acutely solemn.
On and off I thought about that one special person but again, I did not invest a whole lot of energies pining over him. I was more concerned about how I would transition and handle my new responsibility. I opted to work in the Emergency Room as a new graduate, and that proved also to be an enormous challenge. I concentrated on mastering that and I had some unexpected help.
The one, who had eluded me, had suddenly appeared. At first it was difficult because I realized, he had gotten married. Every time, he tried to engage me in conversation, I would walk away without answering. As a matter of fact, I simply refused to listen, to anything he had to say to me. Some times he would be in mid-sentence, and I was out the door. After doing that a few times, he stopped trying to get me to talk. He simply chose to work along side me and taught me all that I needed to know to become skillful at my job. That was the extent of our relationship. We worked as a team for years, he helping me and after a while, me assisting him. While I was courteous and enjoyed whatever time I was in his presence, I told him utterly nothing about my life. He did not tell me anything about his and I remained disinterested. While staff members sometimes socialized together, we did not. I now think that it was truly weird that if I chose to attend an event, he was never there. If I knew, he was at one, I choose to forego the event. We had worked together for about five years before I got married. When I got engaged, he was majorly upset, and for the first time in five years, did not hide his disappointment. It made me a little nervous and sad, but I felt it was time to move on with my life.
The bottom line is as I am now expressing, I was hurt by him not choosing to wait for me. From my point of view, there is no solution that can correct or undo, the mistakes we made. I guess with all that has been recently happening in my life, I am now finally admitting how I truly feel this has affected my life. It is also enabling me to see why some things turned out the way it did. I also know that we both had individual purposes that we could not accomplish together. I just feel in all this that I am working alone, and that is where the element of difficulty lies for me.
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On and off I thought about that one special person but again, I did not invest a whole lot of energies pining over him. I was more concerned about how I would transition and handle my new responsibility. I opted to work in the Emergency Room as a new graduate, and that proved also to be an enormous challenge. I concentrated on mastering that and I had some unexpected help.
The one, who had eluded me, had suddenly appeared. At first it was difficult because I realized, he had gotten married. Every time, he tried to engage me in conversation, I would walk away without answering. As a matter of fact, I simply refused to listen, to anything he had to say to me. Some times he would be in mid-sentence, and I was out the door. After doing that a few times, he stopped trying to get me to talk. He simply chose to work along side me and taught me all that I needed to know to become skillful at my job. That was the extent of our relationship. We worked as a team for years, he helping me and after a while, me assisting him. While I was courteous and enjoyed whatever time I was in his presence, I told him utterly nothing about my life. He did not tell me anything about his and I remained disinterested. While staff members sometimes socialized together, we did not. I now think that it was truly weird that if I chose to attend an event, he was never there. If I knew, he was at one, I choose to forego the event. We had worked together for about five years before I got married. When I got engaged, he was majorly upset, and for the first time in five years, did not hide his disappointment. It made me a little nervous and sad, but I felt it was time to move on with my life.
The bottom line is as I am now expressing, I was hurt by him not choosing to wait for me. From my point of view, there is no solution that can correct or undo, the mistakes we made. I guess with all that has been recently happening in my life, I am now finally admitting how I truly feel this has affected my life. It is also enabling me to see why some things turned out the way it did. I also know that we both had individual purposes that we could not accomplish together. I just feel in all this that I am working alone, and that is where the element of difficulty lies for me.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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