This is a Mystery to me!
There is no need to truly sorrow for me! Whatever I write is based on my emotion in that specific moment. If you were to meet me in person, the woman you would meet and the emotional one that writes differs. This is the way I deal with my frustrations and disappointments. My disposition and my writing truly do not match up, pretty much the same with the Lord. I am still an acutely reserved person with a gigantic smile and child like manner. I usually laugh quite a bit. My laughter is often at the things at are happening in my life. I am currently rebelling because all of my efforts and work presently seem to have been for nothing. Even the ones that I now sit with, have comforted, listened to, taught, loved and choose, remain clueless as to what, I have done for them. As a person, I honestly believe that this is terribly hurtful. None of this was for my benefit but for all of them.
How would you feel if after you had put in a week at the office, your pay check was given to someone else? If you had without assistance raised money for a group and the credit for your work was attribute to another, would that not grieve you. How about if you were building a house and after you had laid the foundation, vandals came along and dug it all up. Would that not somehow caused you to be disappointed? Would it stop you from ever building again? Well it is the same with me. I am truly disappointed, and I know the plans that are laid out for my future, and I am disappointed in that too. By man standards, it is all desirable. Based on my person, it is more of the same foolishness. I also know that when it was written for I know the plans, I have for you is not to harm you but to prosper you and give you hope, that those words were meant for me.
I mentioned before that, as people, we all have our own love language. The way we display love is also unique to us as individuals. Some people display love by giving. I know that I display love by doing and feel loved by the presence of individuals. Therefore, if a person bestow all the treasures of this world upon me but never takes the time to be with me, I would not feel loved by that person. To me there is no difference in that as a person who sponsors a child in a different part of the world. They do not do that out of love for those children, but empathy. Also if, a person knew my needs and only sat with me and they had the resources to help me and do not, that is not love either. My situation differs from others in the respect that my life was to accomplish certain things. In the course of accomplishing my purpose, I feel that he should not have personally chosen to hurt me.
If is difficult to be in the face of opposition, almost every day. Who would not want to step away and say, I have done this for an awful long time, and I am tired and need a break? Is that not understandable? So in the realms of what he will do for me in the future, I am supposed to be satisfied with my horrible now. Be satisfied with the fact that he had refused me rest, or whatever else, I now ask for. Believe me, I never asked for fashionable clothing or jewels or a mansion. My request has been, rest and honor and the ability to complete tasks, and for someone to confide in who knows the truth about who I am, in order that I may not feel so alone and deserted. I am terribly upset because I feel he has given me the exact opposite of all that I have asked. I truly did not want to make myself this vulnerable, and to be a target, but I honestly feel that is exactly what I have become.
I like being inconspicuous and the person I once was, that no one knew. It my not my desire for the world to know me in the manner they do a celebrity. I was confident in who and what I was.
It was my desire to sit with the poorest of the poor, those who sincerely believe. Those are the people that honestly knew how to love and what to truly value. Those are the people that I truly love and long to be with. Instead, I am living with the unbelieving, the ungrateful, ones who believe that they are entitled and as much as I have poured out, myself for them, believe that I am supposed to accept their disrespectfulness. It is beyond me, as to why it was to those that I was given and to the ones that would have appreciated me, I was withheld.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
How would you feel if after you had put in a week at the office, your pay check was given to someone else? If you had without assistance raised money for a group and the credit for your work was attribute to another, would that not grieve you. How about if you were building a house and after you had laid the foundation, vandals came along and dug it all up. Would that not somehow caused you to be disappointed? Would it stop you from ever building again? Well it is the same with me. I am truly disappointed, and I know the plans that are laid out for my future, and I am disappointed in that too. By man standards, it is all desirable. Based on my person, it is more of the same foolishness. I also know that when it was written for I know the plans, I have for you is not to harm you but to prosper you and give you hope, that those words were meant for me.
I mentioned before that, as people, we all have our own love language. The way we display love is also unique to us as individuals. Some people display love by giving. I know that I display love by doing and feel loved by the presence of individuals. Therefore, if a person bestow all the treasures of this world upon me but never takes the time to be with me, I would not feel loved by that person. To me there is no difference in that as a person who sponsors a child in a different part of the world. They do not do that out of love for those children, but empathy. Also if, a person knew my needs and only sat with me and they had the resources to help me and do not, that is not love either. My situation differs from others in the respect that my life was to accomplish certain things. In the course of accomplishing my purpose, I feel that he should not have personally chosen to hurt me.
If is difficult to be in the face of opposition, almost every day. Who would not want to step away and say, I have done this for an awful long time, and I am tired and need a break? Is that not understandable? So in the realms of what he will do for me in the future, I am supposed to be satisfied with my horrible now. Be satisfied with the fact that he had refused me rest, or whatever else, I now ask for. Believe me, I never asked for fashionable clothing or jewels or a mansion. My request has been, rest and honor and the ability to complete tasks, and for someone to confide in who knows the truth about who I am, in order that I may not feel so alone and deserted. I am terribly upset because I feel he has given me the exact opposite of all that I have asked. I truly did not want to make myself this vulnerable, and to be a target, but I honestly feel that is exactly what I have become.
I like being inconspicuous and the person I once was, that no one knew. It my not my desire for the world to know me in the manner they do a celebrity. I was confident in who and what I was.
It was my desire to sit with the poorest of the poor, those who sincerely believe. Those are the people that honestly knew how to love and what to truly value. Those are the people that I truly love and long to be with. Instead, I am living with the unbelieving, the ungrateful, ones who believe that they are entitled and as much as I have poured out, myself for them, believe that I am supposed to accept their disrespectfulness. It is beyond me, as to why it was to those that I was given and to the ones that would have appreciated me, I was withheld.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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