Difficult Transition!
The one thing I distinctly remember was how physically and emotionally exhausted I was when I first arrived in the United States. Unfortunately, for me the people, I was staying with did not understand and, as a result, treated me harshly. From an early aged, I envisioned that I would attend college. When I became college age, there was no four-year University in Belize. There was one of two institutions that one could attend to earn a post-secondary education. I attended one of those institutions and earned a two-year diploma in commercial education. I clearly remembered one of my writing exams entailed writing a commercial. I was taught about the investment market, how to type, office practice and book keeping. Except for the creative writing that I have done and typing, I have never used any of those skills in life; therefore, I did not retain any of that information. Truthfully the reason, I enrolled in that line of studies was to past time until, the opportunity to do what I actually wanted to do, presented its self. Although, to date, it has not. I have only taken a few psychology classes, and that was only because those courses were also required in nursing.
My whole intent to study psychology was based on my idea and goal to work in impoverished countries among the poor as a psychologist. I feel that this is truly turning out to be a case of a mission gone horribly wrong or my desires, and my purpose were dreadfully maligned.
Another thing that is abundantly clear is that I have such poor communication skills when it comes to imparting my desires and needs. After I went to my Dad and asked him to help me get into university in the US, I became terribly disappointed after he turned me down. From about age twelve, I started to work towards this. The first step I took to achieving this end was to get a job at that age in a grocery store. During that era, there were no electronic registers in Belize. I was hired to calculate the cost of each costumer’s purchases. At that time, that was a pretty easy task, and I was able to keep up with it quite easily. From that age up until the time I left Belize, I did that during the summer time and on weekends.
As with any other young person there were limits as to what I could do without permission. That was the biggest obstacle that, I had to face over and over. When my Dad refused me help, and I took it on myself to go to the US consulate on my own. I had made every effort to have all that I knew would help me meet the requirement to be granted permission to enter this country. With that, the consulate only had one questioned, that he asked.
“Is your Dad, truly allowing you to do this?” What did they expect me to say? I said, yes and then came the response.
“If that is the case, then have him come in with you or give you a notarized letter saying you have his permission.” At that point, I knew I was in trouble. I was not stupid enough to go ask, when I knew what the response would be. Instead, I went home and cried for a month. At that point, my mother took pity on me and helped me obtain said letter.
By the time, I landed here, I was emotionally exhausted, and all I needed was a break just to sit still. Unfortunately, for me, the folks I was staying with did not empathize with me. There were certain chores that was required for me to do and I was truly way too listless to do whatever it was that was being asked of me. With that they dubbed me lazy and yelled at me quite a bit. That was difficult because my parents never did that. As time went by, I regained my strength and found people that were willing to assist me. To my dismay the folks, I lived with view things differently. With that, they gave me an ultimatum to go work in the dry cleaner. I worked there, for about five years. I did as I was instructed to do because I hate discord. The bible instructs us to live in peace with all people and I lived by those instructions. There was not a whole lot I could do earning minimum wage and that was certainly not the goal, I had worked so long and hard to attain.
Again, I had to call my mother crying and requesting her help. As soon as she was able, she came to assist me. It was, in fact, with her provision of housing and basic essentials of life that I was then able to attend nursing school. She could not pay my tuition but with a break from having to pay for that, I was then able to use my income to pay my college fees.
Once I was living with her, I was free to attend college but she placed other restrictions on me. It got to the point where that too became unbearable, and I stayed with her until I graduated. Sometime after that I got my own place and again my income went into the cost of daily living. The hospital I worked at had a tuition reimbursement program, but I worked long hours and found my self exhausted quite a bit. With that, I then looked for alternative ways to meet my desire to work with socioeconomic disadvantage children. I tutored children in an afternoon program in Harlem. I would use my vacation time to assist with spring break activities for children whose parent could not otherwise afford to pay for extracurricular activities.
Having a demanding job and using what was supposed to be time to relax to take care of others contributed to my becoming fatigue. Once again, I needed to be rescued from relentless perusing what I wanted to do with my life. It certainly was not intentional that I continuously placed myself in situations that depleted me or having to need, others to help me out. If I wanted to rely on others, I would not have sought employment at such an early age. Whatever offer of help was extended me, I would have taken over a crummy job for the sake of peace. I sincerely hope that, whatever sacrifice my mother made for me, that it was equally beneficial to her and that it did not take away from my siblings. I sincerely believe that the Father should have provided for me without someone else suffering as a result of meeting my needs. Like wise, I truly feel, that it was not the responsibility of the man who I am now married to provide certain things for me. Although, he did promise me that, after I had given up my job to move here with him, that in return, I could finish up my studies. Well to date that has not happened. That also contributed significantly to my disappointment with him, which I need to get over. Quite honestly, none of the above mentioned should be held accountable for me. I feel that, my Father and the one who preceded me are more responsible. Had I been fully aware, I would have required nothing of my mother. Now that, I am, aware, I apologise if I had ever asked anything of you. Again this is my perspective.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
My whole intent to study psychology was based on my idea and goal to work in impoverished countries among the poor as a psychologist. I feel that this is truly turning out to be a case of a mission gone horribly wrong or my desires, and my purpose were dreadfully maligned.
Another thing that is abundantly clear is that I have such poor communication skills when it comes to imparting my desires and needs. After I went to my Dad and asked him to help me get into university in the US, I became terribly disappointed after he turned me down. From about age twelve, I started to work towards this. The first step I took to achieving this end was to get a job at that age in a grocery store. During that era, there were no electronic registers in Belize. I was hired to calculate the cost of each costumer’s purchases. At that time, that was a pretty easy task, and I was able to keep up with it quite easily. From that age up until the time I left Belize, I did that during the summer time and on weekends.
As with any other young person there were limits as to what I could do without permission. That was the biggest obstacle that, I had to face over and over. When my Dad refused me help, and I took it on myself to go to the US consulate on my own. I had made every effort to have all that I knew would help me meet the requirement to be granted permission to enter this country. With that, the consulate only had one questioned, that he asked.
“Is your Dad, truly allowing you to do this?” What did they expect me to say? I said, yes and then came the response.
“If that is the case, then have him come in with you or give you a notarized letter saying you have his permission.” At that point, I knew I was in trouble. I was not stupid enough to go ask, when I knew what the response would be. Instead, I went home and cried for a month. At that point, my mother took pity on me and helped me obtain said letter.
By the time, I landed here, I was emotionally exhausted, and all I needed was a break just to sit still. Unfortunately, for me, the folks I was staying with did not empathize with me. There were certain chores that was required for me to do and I was truly way too listless to do whatever it was that was being asked of me. With that they dubbed me lazy and yelled at me quite a bit. That was difficult because my parents never did that. As time went by, I regained my strength and found people that were willing to assist me. To my dismay the folks, I lived with view things differently. With that, they gave me an ultimatum to go work in the dry cleaner. I worked there, for about five years. I did as I was instructed to do because I hate discord. The bible instructs us to live in peace with all people and I lived by those instructions. There was not a whole lot I could do earning minimum wage and that was certainly not the goal, I had worked so long and hard to attain.
Again, I had to call my mother crying and requesting her help. As soon as she was able, she came to assist me. It was, in fact, with her provision of housing and basic essentials of life that I was then able to attend nursing school. She could not pay my tuition but with a break from having to pay for that, I was then able to use my income to pay my college fees.
Once I was living with her, I was free to attend college but she placed other restrictions on me. It got to the point where that too became unbearable, and I stayed with her until I graduated. Sometime after that I got my own place and again my income went into the cost of daily living. The hospital I worked at had a tuition reimbursement program, but I worked long hours and found my self exhausted quite a bit. With that, I then looked for alternative ways to meet my desire to work with socioeconomic disadvantage children. I tutored children in an afternoon program in Harlem. I would use my vacation time to assist with spring break activities for children whose parent could not otherwise afford to pay for extracurricular activities.
Having a demanding job and using what was supposed to be time to relax to take care of others contributed to my becoming fatigue. Once again, I needed to be rescued from relentless perusing what I wanted to do with my life. It certainly was not intentional that I continuously placed myself in situations that depleted me or having to need, others to help me out. If I wanted to rely on others, I would not have sought employment at such an early age. Whatever offer of help was extended me, I would have taken over a crummy job for the sake of peace. I sincerely hope that, whatever sacrifice my mother made for me, that it was equally beneficial to her and that it did not take away from my siblings. I sincerely believe that the Father should have provided for me without someone else suffering as a result of meeting my needs. Like wise, I truly feel, that it was not the responsibility of the man who I am now married to provide certain things for me. Although, he did promise me that, after I had given up my job to move here with him, that in return, I could finish up my studies. Well to date that has not happened. That also contributed significantly to my disappointment with him, which I need to get over. Quite honestly, none of the above mentioned should be held accountable for me. I feel that, my Father and the one who preceded me are more responsible. Had I been fully aware, I would have required nothing of my mother. Now that, I am, aware, I apologise if I had ever asked anything of you. Again this is my perspective.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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