Learned Response!
I find that in general pride keep people from asking for forgiveness and asking for help. I also know at times when others say, I am sorry, that is only what I call, lip service. What I mean by that is that they are not truly remorseful but for whatever reason they proclaim to be.
It persistently baffles me, how people could persistently hurt the ones they profess to love. From my perspective unless a person is lacking in understanding or totally selfish they would not repeatedly inflict their beloved especially if a person voice that they feel hurt when a certain act is committed. If they are truly remorseful, they would apologize and make restitution. If not, in my opinion, that is when they continue doing whatever it is they are doing because their actions takes precedence over the other person's welfare or feelings.
My accounts are written solely from my perspective and the result not necessarily the intent of any of the parties, whose actions I relay. When it came to the relationship with my husband from my view point, it was not until after he had persistently hurt me that I would intentionally lash out at him. A lot of times, his behavior saddened and embarrassed me, but I refrained from retaliating. When it got to the point where I decided that I had enough, I know, I became his worse nightmare. I had previously, on occasion sat him down and say, I am terribly hurt by certain things that happened between us. If those things persist then, I cannot stay in this marriage any longer. I sincerely tried my best to be a devoted wife to you and perhaps some of the error lies with me. At the time, I married you, I was actually in love with someone else, but despite that, I chose to marry you. I chose you because, I sincerely believe you would have been kind to me. I did not expect you to hurt me the way you have. His response to what I said was highly unusual, well at least, I thought so.
He said he was glad to know that I was capable of having those feelings for a person. I am not sure that he got the point. Every creature is capable of loving another, no matter how twisted or sick they maybe. My point was that I thought he would have treated me well, and that was as valid as any reason to marry him. It was also extremely relevant to me to have a faithful husband. I meticulously made my choice based on the fact that I had been hurt in the past by other men that chose to be with other women while professing to be interested in me. With that, I placed faithfulness as a priority and love as secondary.
My assumption that he would be faithful was correct. He was an excellent provider, and a faithful husband, for those precise reasons, I over looked his other fault for an extraordinarily long time. I believe as my needs have changed and the children grew the other things that was lacking proved to be too difficult to handle. Yet time and time again, I chose to push my hurt aside for my children’s sake.
I learned a lot from being married, including the fact that people are who they are, and either we can live with their flaws or we cannot. I also realized that, whatever a woman tolerates from her spouse is what her daughter will allow and put up with from hers. A child can be molded, but once an adult personality is established, they will be who they are. My husband is who he was from the beginning of our marriage, and that is the person, he will be until the end.
I remember the first time, I found a lump in my breast, and he went with me to the specialist. I went out of our medical net-work, therefore, had to pay cash for the doctor’s visit. The reason I did that was because I was told that the doctor I went to was the best in the business. We were still newly weds at that time, and I was young and wanted the best care. Even back then, he gave me the distinct impression that he was more concerned about the amount of money I was spending than the fact that I may have an extremely serious issue. The truth is up to this day, I am still troubled by that reaction. That was the end of my looking to him for support without feeling guarded or defensive. It is not entirely his fault that I go into that mode of wanting to protect my feelings. It has a lot to do with my father not supporting me and my celestial partner abandoning me as well as others not availing them self when I needed them. Hence it has become more crucial than ever for me to do what I need to do on my own. It is difficult not having anyone with me, but I feel that the rejection is a lot worse. He is who he is and by his exact nature he often say things that I find upsetting. His inability to be the kind of emotional support that I need, feels like rejection, to me. I know that he may say that he is not rejecting me, but it feels that way to me. I also believe that it is exactly the same in the case of the one I claim to be my celestial partner.
Subsequently to my finding the first lump in my breast, I have learned that I am prone to cyst. I believe the result from my coco and caffeine intake. I love cappuccino, but it is as unhealthy for me as smoking is for another person. I may not drink or smoke or do drugs, but I still have my personal poison that I cannot get away from. We are all creatures of habit, and the first step to improvement is acceptance, and the willingness to change. On occasion, I drink herbal tea, as opposed to coco or coffee, but I am inclined to go back to it. I know the consequence and the danger that it poses to me and yet I drink it. I also know that it is the same with my husband and that he does not intentionally do what he does, but it is not nurturing to me as a person. Someone else with a different disposition would probably not be affected, in the same manner one may not be affected from drinking coco or caffeine.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
It persistently baffles me, how people could persistently hurt the ones they profess to love. From my perspective unless a person is lacking in understanding or totally selfish they would not repeatedly inflict their beloved especially if a person voice that they feel hurt when a certain act is committed. If they are truly remorseful, they would apologize and make restitution. If not, in my opinion, that is when they continue doing whatever it is they are doing because their actions takes precedence over the other person's welfare or feelings.
My accounts are written solely from my perspective and the result not necessarily the intent of any of the parties, whose actions I relay. When it came to the relationship with my husband from my view point, it was not until after he had persistently hurt me that I would intentionally lash out at him. A lot of times, his behavior saddened and embarrassed me, but I refrained from retaliating. When it got to the point where I decided that I had enough, I know, I became his worse nightmare. I had previously, on occasion sat him down and say, I am terribly hurt by certain things that happened between us. If those things persist then, I cannot stay in this marriage any longer. I sincerely tried my best to be a devoted wife to you and perhaps some of the error lies with me. At the time, I married you, I was actually in love with someone else, but despite that, I chose to marry you. I chose you because, I sincerely believe you would have been kind to me. I did not expect you to hurt me the way you have. His response to what I said was highly unusual, well at least, I thought so.
He said he was glad to know that I was capable of having those feelings for a person. I am not sure that he got the point. Every creature is capable of loving another, no matter how twisted or sick they maybe. My point was that I thought he would have treated me well, and that was as valid as any reason to marry him. It was also extremely relevant to me to have a faithful husband. I meticulously made my choice based on the fact that I had been hurt in the past by other men that chose to be with other women while professing to be interested in me. With that, I placed faithfulness as a priority and love as secondary.
My assumption that he would be faithful was correct. He was an excellent provider, and a faithful husband, for those precise reasons, I over looked his other fault for an extraordinarily long time. I believe as my needs have changed and the children grew the other things that was lacking proved to be too difficult to handle. Yet time and time again, I chose to push my hurt aside for my children’s sake.
I learned a lot from being married, including the fact that people are who they are, and either we can live with their flaws or we cannot. I also realized that, whatever a woman tolerates from her spouse is what her daughter will allow and put up with from hers. A child can be molded, but once an adult personality is established, they will be who they are. My husband is who he was from the beginning of our marriage, and that is the person, he will be until the end.
I remember the first time, I found a lump in my breast, and he went with me to the specialist. I went out of our medical net-work, therefore, had to pay cash for the doctor’s visit. The reason I did that was because I was told that the doctor I went to was the best in the business. We were still newly weds at that time, and I was young and wanted the best care. Even back then, he gave me the distinct impression that he was more concerned about the amount of money I was spending than the fact that I may have an extremely serious issue. The truth is up to this day, I am still troubled by that reaction. That was the end of my looking to him for support without feeling guarded or defensive. It is not entirely his fault that I go into that mode of wanting to protect my feelings. It has a lot to do with my father not supporting me and my celestial partner abandoning me as well as others not availing them self when I needed them. Hence it has become more crucial than ever for me to do what I need to do on my own. It is difficult not having anyone with me, but I feel that the rejection is a lot worse. He is who he is and by his exact nature he often say things that I find upsetting. His inability to be the kind of emotional support that I need, feels like rejection, to me. I know that he may say that he is not rejecting me, but it feels that way to me. I also believe that it is exactly the same in the case of the one I claim to be my celestial partner.
Subsequently to my finding the first lump in my breast, I have learned that I am prone to cyst. I believe the result from my coco and caffeine intake. I love cappuccino, but it is as unhealthy for me as smoking is for another person. I may not drink or smoke or do drugs, but I still have my personal poison that I cannot get away from. We are all creatures of habit, and the first step to improvement is acceptance, and the willingness to change. On occasion, I drink herbal tea, as opposed to coco or coffee, but I am inclined to go back to it. I know the consequence and the danger that it poses to me and yet I drink it. I also know that it is the same with my husband and that he does not intentionally do what he does, but it is not nurturing to me as a person. Someone else with a different disposition would probably not be affected, in the same manner one may not be affected from drinking coco or caffeine.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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