The Results!

Well now I am totally anxious! I got a letter telling me to return to my doctor’s office for the result of my biopsy. In the past, they called and gave me the result by telephone. I am so scared! If I ever needed the Lord, it is now, but the last thing I presently need is rejection from anyone. I do not know what to do, just know that I am not going to that doctor’s office. I seriously hope that this is not anything serious and that they are scaring me needlessly. The troubling thing is that I have been waiting for a call all week, but it never came. The good news is no one knows except for my readers. My husband has not seen the bruise on my breast, but apart from that he does not handle crisis situation well. He would be more apt to deny the possibility than deal with any morbid probability. Although that is what I am doing, if he did it, that would upset me. I need someone that will not discourage me but will care for me. Not a person whose continuously folly causes me greater regret.

So for now, I will deny this in the same manner everyone I believe is choosing to deny me. Perhaps instead, I will throw caution to the wind and go home. That may help to alleviate some of my present fears. Well, one thing is for sure, it looks like, I am actually done. I was quite serious when I said; I did not want to do this anymore. I will keep my promise and not call or write anyone to complain. I have done enough of that!

I know that I should be able to look ahead to see what will happen, but for some reason, my memory of this time is fragmented. The one thing I do remember seeing was my partner at a hospital, and I know it had something to do with me. My problem is I cannot determine the time, for that reason, I am unsure. In the mean time, I sensed that something was terribly wrong; from the moment that technician could not face me.

I went a head and arranged a spa day for my daughter and me, the one that is currently in residential treatment. She will be given a pass so that we can spend a few hours together, tomorrow. During the week, I thought about telling her, but that may set her back emotionally, so I decided against it.

If the Lord does not initiate contact, I will not call him. He is far more perceptive than am I, with that I do not feel there is any need for me to call him. He should be able to discern and call if he sincerely cares, if not, I already know what I believe.

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