I'm Awake!
At the end of the day or is it the beginning of the morning, I awoke to realize that I'm in this fight alone. The question I need to answer is: How much longer am I willing to be confounded? I feel as if I'm without emotional support. As is his custom, my husband once again place fault with me, for another of my daughter's foolish actions.
He knew I was upset because I called him about twenty times and he failed to answer in a timely manner. To discredit my anger, he justified my daughter's error by placing blame on me.
I keep going back in my mind to the time when this behavior of his first started.
It became evident two years after we were married. I reported a sexual offender and the way he reacted to that parallels his current actions. I know that he apologized, but that was after he put me through hell. Even then as with every other instance, he does not take responsibility for his responses, or recognize his pattern.
I am not saying that I am without fault because at this point I no longer talk to him, I react. He believes that it is my pain that caused our daughter to leave, but like him, she also has a pattern of behavior. She blames others for her choices and he blames me for all the children's wrong doings.
The horrible part is it feels as though I am the only person this is affecting. I am the one whose thyroid failed, and started to develop cancer. Now I'm thinking about my health but I kept putting the welfare of my biological children ahead of mine. I looked in the face of my son and could see clearly that this was affecting him. Unfortunately, I cannot get pass my husband uncaring attitude. Although I must say that he does support my children to the extent that, he has made me the enemy.
What ever kept me here will no longer. I have no other choice. I would not want for my sons to become this kind of man. I would want for them to know how to love and appreciate their wife. I will never be loved and cared for in this marriage. I know my husband will defer the blame to my daughter, but it is not her.
It is his lack of care for me that was evident from the start, but I ignored it because I was always preoccupied with other things. My body is clearly being affected. So what if, I can't recapture my nursing career? It will not be the end of the world only the end of my horrible situation. For I am sure that I can find menial employment.
For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.
He knew I was upset because I called him about twenty times and he failed to answer in a timely manner. To discredit my anger, he justified my daughter's error by placing blame on me.
I keep going back in my mind to the time when this behavior of his first started.
It became evident two years after we were married. I reported a sexual offender and the way he reacted to that parallels his current actions. I know that he apologized, but that was after he put me through hell. Even then as with every other instance, he does not take responsibility for his responses, or recognize his pattern.
I am not saying that I am without fault because at this point I no longer talk to him, I react. He believes that it is my pain that caused our daughter to leave, but like him, she also has a pattern of behavior. She blames others for her choices and he blames me for all the children's wrong doings.
The horrible part is it feels as though I am the only person this is affecting. I am the one whose thyroid failed, and started to develop cancer. Now I'm thinking about my health but I kept putting the welfare of my biological children ahead of mine. I looked in the face of my son and could see clearly that this was affecting him. Unfortunately, I cannot get pass my husband uncaring attitude. Although I must say that he does support my children to the extent that, he has made me the enemy.
What ever kept me here will no longer. I have no other choice. I would not want for my sons to become this kind of man. I would want for them to know how to love and appreciate their wife. I will never be loved and cared for in this marriage. I know my husband will defer the blame to my daughter, but it is not her.
It is his lack of care for me that was evident from the start, but I ignored it because I was always preoccupied with other things. My body is clearly being affected. So what if, I can't recapture my nursing career? It will not be the end of the world only the end of my horrible situation. For I am sure that I can find menial employment.
For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.
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