(Chain Reaction) As They Were taught!
Last night I had a total melt down. I could not find a pair of high tops converse sneakers that I wanted to wear. In the past, my youngest adopted daughters had taken them without asking. Right away, I thought this was the case again. After wanting to wear them all day, and it was on my mind that I could not find them after searching for hours, I became exceedingly anxious. I went to my husband and asked him to sit the girls down and tell them to stop taking my personal items.
He responded to my request by saying, if I wanted to impart that to them, I should tell them, myself. He went on to say, that I needed to stop putting the responsibility of disciplining the children on him. With that, I became extremely irate. It has been his past responses or lack of responses that I blame for my children disregard and disrespect of me. I believe that they learned to ignore or not listen to my instructions from years of him doing this.
Instead of responding to him who I was actually angry with, I started to yell and curse the girls. Only after I did that, did he decide that he would do as I ask. It turned out that this time the shoe was in the hospital bag, they gave me to put my property in. Before they found it, I had already called a friend because I was extremely upset. I felt that, after all that has happened in my home and the many ways I had been inflicted because of my children’s behavior, absolutely nothing had changed, on his part. He demonstrated to me by his responses that he truly does not care about my wellbeing.
I recalled an occasion that we had traveled to Florida to visit with a cousin of his. The children were school age at that time. Every night as I asked them to help me with the meal which might have included putting the dishes on the table they ignored me. Not once did they do as I instructed. I would ask both my husband for help and the children. They would continue to play, and he would sit in front of the television and not move. If I came within his vision, he would close his eyes and continue to ignore me. I would then do everything alone. After three days of watching this, his cousin- inlaw became quite upset.
She then made up a reason for a grocery trip, of which she asked me to accompany her. While we were in the car, she turned to me and said, that she blamed me for all that she observed.
How could I allow someone to treat me that way, and yet not address the situation or even stay in the situation? She said to me on the way to the supermarket.
Well I did not allow him. This is how he is. On Thursday night, after he got in from picking up the two older girls from school, I had supper all prepared for them. They came in ate and did not clean up after themselves. Friday morning when I went into the kitchen their plates were in the sink, and the pot was still on the stove right where the meal was prepared. I was on my way out the house to take my son to an appointment. I then told the two older girls they had best cleaned up the mess. They did! My husband ate with them that night after which they watched television together. Not one of them made any attempted to clean up after themselves. I went to bed, prior to them sitting down to supper.
My behavior last night was caused from years of being frustrated and the recent lost of several of my personal items. We were invited out to supper, and he and the children went. I had gone to my friend that had taken me to surgery to discuss my situation. My family returned after I was already in bed. When he came in, being that the incident was so recent, I tried to tell him that when I say he is not supportive of me that I am referring to his refusal to help me when I ask him to. He tried to imply that this was all my doing because I was unable to have a discussion with the girls, so I keep placing the blame on him. I feel that, in my home, my talking is futile. The learned behavior is to ignore me. For that reason, I defer to him. I was already upset and thought the situation would be better handled by him. As he always does, he refused me and I lost it.
Again, instead of listening to me, by his response he refused to acknowledge that there were ever any problems with the children and this was all me. He insisted that on this occasion no one actually did anything to me, so my behavior was uncalled for. He refused to listen to what I had to say but kept insisting that I was caused these problems. (This is exactly what my daughter also told her court officer, in order to be punished for her felony.) Realizing that it did not matter what I said, I started to fill a suitcase I had a few random items in. I grabbed a number of items until the suit case became filled. He then starts to accuse me of planning to be upset so that I could have an excuse to walk out. After I had filled my suit case and an over night bag, he grabbed them and locked them in my closet where my other clothing were. I had no idea that he had placed a lock on it. I picked up a small bag and two pairs of pants and left. I drove for about a mile and realized that I could not go particularly far because the only things I have that are not community property were my clothing and those he was holding hostage.
I drove home and spent the night in the back seat of our intensely cold van. I felt that, I had made my one phone call and had no other options. Why had I not ever left? This is the reason. I know he would become extremely spiteful. I told my son to put some of his belongs in a bag, but when I came out he was cuddling on the couch. I assumed, he had already gotten to him. It is with the most excellent of reason that I feel the way I do concerning him and even God.
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He responded to my request by saying, if I wanted to impart that to them, I should tell them, myself. He went on to say, that I needed to stop putting the responsibility of disciplining the children on him. With that, I became extremely irate. It has been his past responses or lack of responses that I blame for my children disregard and disrespect of me. I believe that they learned to ignore or not listen to my instructions from years of him doing this.
Instead of responding to him who I was actually angry with, I started to yell and curse the girls. Only after I did that, did he decide that he would do as I ask. It turned out that this time the shoe was in the hospital bag, they gave me to put my property in. Before they found it, I had already called a friend because I was extremely upset. I felt that, after all that has happened in my home and the many ways I had been inflicted because of my children’s behavior, absolutely nothing had changed, on his part. He demonstrated to me by his responses that he truly does not care about my wellbeing.
I recalled an occasion that we had traveled to Florida to visit with a cousin of his. The children were school age at that time. Every night as I asked them to help me with the meal which might have included putting the dishes on the table they ignored me. Not once did they do as I instructed. I would ask both my husband for help and the children. They would continue to play, and he would sit in front of the television and not move. If I came within his vision, he would close his eyes and continue to ignore me. I would then do everything alone. After three days of watching this, his cousin- inlaw became quite upset.
She then made up a reason for a grocery trip, of which she asked me to accompany her. While we were in the car, she turned to me and said, that she blamed me for all that she observed.
How could I allow someone to treat me that way, and yet not address the situation or even stay in the situation? She said to me on the way to the supermarket.
Well I did not allow him. This is how he is. On Thursday night, after he got in from picking up the two older girls from school, I had supper all prepared for them. They came in ate and did not clean up after themselves. Friday morning when I went into the kitchen their plates were in the sink, and the pot was still on the stove right where the meal was prepared. I was on my way out the house to take my son to an appointment. I then told the two older girls they had best cleaned up the mess. They did! My husband ate with them that night after which they watched television together. Not one of them made any attempted to clean up after themselves. I went to bed, prior to them sitting down to supper.
My behavior last night was caused from years of being frustrated and the recent lost of several of my personal items. We were invited out to supper, and he and the children went. I had gone to my friend that had taken me to surgery to discuss my situation. My family returned after I was already in bed. When he came in, being that the incident was so recent, I tried to tell him that when I say he is not supportive of me that I am referring to his refusal to help me when I ask him to. He tried to imply that this was all my doing because I was unable to have a discussion with the girls, so I keep placing the blame on him. I feel that, in my home, my talking is futile. The learned behavior is to ignore me. For that reason, I defer to him. I was already upset and thought the situation would be better handled by him. As he always does, he refused me and I lost it.
Again, instead of listening to me, by his response he refused to acknowledge that there were ever any problems with the children and this was all me. He insisted that on this occasion no one actually did anything to me, so my behavior was uncalled for. He refused to listen to what I had to say but kept insisting that I was caused these problems. (This is exactly what my daughter also told her court officer, in order to be punished for her felony.) Realizing that it did not matter what I said, I started to fill a suitcase I had a few random items in. I grabbed a number of items until the suit case became filled. He then starts to accuse me of planning to be upset so that I could have an excuse to walk out. After I had filled my suit case and an over night bag, he grabbed them and locked them in my closet where my other clothing were. I had no idea that he had placed a lock on it. I picked up a small bag and two pairs of pants and left. I drove for about a mile and realized that I could not go particularly far because the only things I have that are not community property were my clothing and those he was holding hostage.
I drove home and spent the night in the back seat of our intensely cold van. I felt that, I had made my one phone call and had no other options. Why had I not ever left? This is the reason. I know he would become extremely spiteful. I told my son to put some of his belongs in a bag, but when I came out he was cuddling on the couch. I assumed, he had already gotten to him. It is with the most excellent of reason that I feel the way I do concerning him and even God.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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