I am Still the Same!
According to Revelation 12, I am clothed with the sun and standing on the moon. In that instances, the representation of the moon is my mother, and the sun is actually my father. Most of the time when I say my father, I am speaking of the heavenly father. If I ever refer to my earthly father, I say my dad.
The reason it is written that I am standing on the moon is because, at this point in my life, I am as unyielding to my mother as she as to me. I hide most of my struggles from her, and I am not sympathetic towards her in any way. It is her contention that she did what she did to protect me. I certainly wish for her to explain how insisting that I marry a Christian protected me in any way. I am fully aware that, as it was taught, in the church she chose to attend, that Christians meant being Christ like. People in religious circles sometimes uses the word to rationalize and justify within themself their extreme behaviors. They pick and chose what they adhere to and what they ignore.
Based on my experience, I have come to realized that there is a difference between being a Christian and being saved from death and hell. Oddly enough, Christianity also preaches that becoming a christian saves a person from that fate. Well I have news for them, it does not. That only comes from genuine belief, not lip service.
Early this morning, I did remember an incident where a neighbor’s son hit me in the face with an electric cord. My mother became extremely angry and then told my brother than was a year older than I, that he needed to watch over me. The next time, she said, that he allowed anyone to hurt me, she would punish him. From that day forth, my brother watched over me like a buzzard. The day, I got married his instruction to me was for me not to stay with my husband if he treated me terribly. He instructed me that I should leave and not worry about what anyone said of me. He promised me, that he would be my refuge. Then in my ninth year of marriage, he died.
For whatever reason, I thought my husband would have been the same kind of protector of me as my brother was. On many levels when I was a young child my family did treat me as, though, I was valuable. My dad had his moments when he too treated me that way. A lot of that changed when he began to associate with our local politicians. He is of mixed heritage and even I can see that he was a handsome man. Women then became the demons that put an end to his relationship with his family. He stayed in our home, but after I departed, and when my mother eventually joined me, all my other siblings also left him.
After my brother died my other sibling marriages became the death of our relationship. When I was getting married, my then friend and celestial partner was upset. He swore that if my husband hurt me in any way that there would be hell to pay. When he was going on about it, I just ignored him, but I believed what he was saying. I did not realize that he meant literal hell. I thought he meant that he would be there for me, would have assisted me, but that he has refused to do. I certainly cannot comprehend this. I quite honestly thought that if I ever honestly needed him that he would have been there for me. I went as far as relaying to him in details what was going on. It is beyond me, given the relationship that he would refuse me. I am hurt by this, this is why I promise myself that all those who turned me away during this time that I will do the same to them at a future time. I feel that no matter what my father claims are as far as who he claimed would help me, I will not accept anything in the future from them because I feel that them not being here for me now is heartless. That they too has failed to me. Even failing not to answer me, to me, is equivalent to no or being turned down.
I have been through quite a bit, I am no longer a person of second chances. I feel that I did give everyone that could have help, an opportunity to do so at various times. Perhaps those who would have actually helped, I did not ask because I did not want to burden them. I know that it may appear as though I am vengefully speaking, but I am not. I feel that I need to protect myself, even if it means that I have to give up on any future dreams or aspirations that I have. At this moment, feeling safe and not used is my priority. No matter my level of difficulty, or what job, I had, my station is still mine. In the same manner when men killed Jesus Christ and refused to believe that he was the King of heaven, his death did not change that. In like manner, I am still who and what I am. and all these things were for a purpose. Yet, all those will still be punished for their actions.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
The reason it is written that I am standing on the moon is because, at this point in my life, I am as unyielding to my mother as she as to me. I hide most of my struggles from her, and I am not sympathetic towards her in any way. It is her contention that she did what she did to protect me. I certainly wish for her to explain how insisting that I marry a Christian protected me in any way. I am fully aware that, as it was taught, in the church she chose to attend, that Christians meant being Christ like. People in religious circles sometimes uses the word to rationalize and justify within themself their extreme behaviors. They pick and chose what they adhere to and what they ignore.
Based on my experience, I have come to realized that there is a difference between being a Christian and being saved from death and hell. Oddly enough, Christianity also preaches that becoming a christian saves a person from that fate. Well I have news for them, it does not. That only comes from genuine belief, not lip service.
Early this morning, I did remember an incident where a neighbor’s son hit me in the face with an electric cord. My mother became extremely angry and then told my brother than was a year older than I, that he needed to watch over me. The next time, she said, that he allowed anyone to hurt me, she would punish him. From that day forth, my brother watched over me like a buzzard. The day, I got married his instruction to me was for me not to stay with my husband if he treated me terribly. He instructed me that I should leave and not worry about what anyone said of me. He promised me, that he would be my refuge. Then in my ninth year of marriage, he died.
For whatever reason, I thought my husband would have been the same kind of protector of me as my brother was. On many levels when I was a young child my family did treat me as, though, I was valuable. My dad had his moments when he too treated me that way. A lot of that changed when he began to associate with our local politicians. He is of mixed heritage and even I can see that he was a handsome man. Women then became the demons that put an end to his relationship with his family. He stayed in our home, but after I departed, and when my mother eventually joined me, all my other siblings also left him.
After my brother died my other sibling marriages became the death of our relationship. When I was getting married, my then friend and celestial partner was upset. He swore that if my husband hurt me in any way that there would be hell to pay. When he was going on about it, I just ignored him, but I believed what he was saying. I did not realize that he meant literal hell. I thought he meant that he would be there for me, would have assisted me, but that he has refused to do. I certainly cannot comprehend this. I quite honestly thought that if I ever honestly needed him that he would have been there for me. I went as far as relaying to him in details what was going on. It is beyond me, given the relationship that he would refuse me. I am hurt by this, this is why I promise myself that all those who turned me away during this time that I will do the same to them at a future time. I feel that no matter what my father claims are as far as who he claimed would help me, I will not accept anything in the future from them because I feel that them not being here for me now is heartless. That they too has failed to me. Even failing not to answer me, to me, is equivalent to no or being turned down.
I have been through quite a bit, I am no longer a person of second chances. I feel that I did give everyone that could have help, an opportunity to do so at various times. Perhaps those who would have actually helped, I did not ask because I did not want to burden them. I know that it may appear as though I am vengefully speaking, but I am not. I feel that I need to protect myself, even if it means that I have to give up on any future dreams or aspirations that I have. At this moment, feeling safe and not used is my priority. No matter my level of difficulty, or what job, I had, my station is still mine. In the same manner when men killed Jesus Christ and refused to believe that he was the King of heaven, his death did not change that. In like manner, I am still who and what I am. and all these things were for a purpose. Yet, all those will still be punished for their actions.
Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.
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