Beneficial!
It is remarkable how one vision differs after the bombardment fades. I was extremely cognizant that my darkest period was to enable me to see who my genuine friends were. The most heart breaking realization was that some that I genuinely cared for were profoundly lacking. Oddly enough, my true self also emerged along with my awareness of truth and error in some teaching I had in the way of prophecy. The teaching concerning genuine believers I found to be true. Those people never left my side, even when my spouse was not there for me. When the other, I claimed to be the same kind of being as I am chose only to be viciously unkind, these stuck closer than any of my siblings.
As I lay in that hospital bed awaiting several pre-op tests, I felt so betrayed and let down. Whatever one may think of me, I do not lie when I say that my heavenly father has deserted me and his son have turned his back on me. I know that human being all has their individual ideas of God and his character and so did I. I cannot prove that what I am saying is the truth, but only to say that certain scriptures are of me.
My capabilities are extremely limited, and like every other human; I can only ask for help and state my needs. I have truly lived a sacrificial life, but it could be as a result of age, I am no longer prepared to do this. I know there was a purpose in every event, but during this time, there was no compassion showed me by my creator. It is written that I am his servant, but I sincerely see myself more like a slave. A servant gets compensated for their work, and I also know that the other has been compensated. For all that I have done, all I have gotten is grief. There are things that could have been done to make things bearable for me, but those things were with held from me.
I know that it is written that, the Lord will have compassion on me. I feel that it is too late for that. I know that, he may choose to make my life hell on earth. I have reached an individual decision based on recent events. I came to this conclusion because I am sincerely convinced that he, and the one he chose to help me sincerely never loved me. I do not think this is necessarily a negative thing. I think it was particularly vital for me to know these things. The last thing I would want is to be with another person that is similar to my husband. As difficult as this all was, for my sake, I needed to know this.
As I lay in that hospital bed awaiting several pre-op tests, I felt so betrayed and let down. Whatever one may think of me, I do not lie when I say that my heavenly father has deserted me and his son have turned his back on me. I know that human being all has their individual ideas of God and his character and so did I. I cannot prove that what I am saying is the truth, but only to say that certain scriptures are of me.
My capabilities are extremely limited, and like every other human; I can only ask for help and state my needs. I have truly lived a sacrificial life, but it could be as a result of age, I am no longer prepared to do this. I know there was a purpose in every event, but during this time, there was no compassion showed me by my creator. It is written that I am his servant, but I sincerely see myself more like a slave. A servant gets compensated for their work, and I also know that the other has been compensated. For all that I have done, all I have gotten is grief. There are things that could have been done to make things bearable for me, but those things were with held from me.
I know that it is written that, the Lord will have compassion on me. I feel that it is too late for that. I know that, he may choose to make my life hell on earth. I have reached an individual decision based on recent events. I came to this conclusion because I am sincerely convinced that he, and the one he chose to help me sincerely never loved me. I do not think this is necessarily a negative thing. I think it was particularly vital for me to know these things. The last thing I would want is to be with another person that is similar to my husband. As difficult as this all was, for my sake, I needed to know this.
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