As It has always Been!
This morning, I woke more determined than ever. I found the weapon, I needed to win. Unfortunately, I am now convinced that I will. With that, I will change up some things. It is my father who chooses people, and he does so for the benefit of his purpose, not necessarily mine.
While I was going through the worse moments of my life, I cried out to him and from my perspective, he did nothing but turn his back on me the way he always does.
As an individual, I had dreams for my life. I was drawn to few individuals, but now I also know that those were placed in my life also by my heavenly Father. From time to time as I came face to face with some life altering events, I reached out to the same exact individuals, he selected. To my disappointment, just like he, and all other humanbeings, none of these availed themselves to me. I do understand that I am currently married, and I am sure my heavenly father selected him also. He, also like most others does not care about my personal wellbeing but his own interests. The sorrow I feel and my frustration have no bearing on him but tremendous effects on my body.
Yet, pretty much like every other crisis in life, I had to face it without assistance and deal with it mostly single handedly. From first dealing with my daughter’s defiance, initially on my own, and lastly my breast surgery, has proven to be way too much for me. People are who and what they are as I am who and what I am. There are things about me that will never change and the blue print of what he or I am will always remain the same. Either, I can live with it, or it will destroy me. Currently, it is destroying me. I have been so overwhelmned and paralyzed from that, things have gotten way out of control. So finally, I feel compelled to put an end to this.
A way has been opened for me that I will now be able to do what I have asked each of these to do for me. After all I have experience with my husband, I am sorry; I also will appear to be no less than a lair because I will now walk away from all.
As a young woman, all I ever wanted was to serve the poor and not necessarily to have a partner. I started out doing too early in life, working and dealing with other people’s issues. As a result, I became as I am now, physically and mentally depleted. After I finish cleaning this current mess, I am going to walk away. I need to retreat and be on my own for awhile in order to recover from this ordeal. I will not pursue what I wanted to do as a young woman, but perhaps, I will now focus on one of my new found love. The joy of painting and writing, for with those I am fully content, and there is not any need for human involvement.
It may not be for a while because I need to be able to provide for myself without having to rely on my husband for assistance. I will have to stay put until I am thorough with my endeavor, but when I am done, I am also with everyone else.
While I was going through the worse moments of my life, I cried out to him and from my perspective, he did nothing but turn his back on me the way he always does.
As an individual, I had dreams for my life. I was drawn to few individuals, but now I also know that those were placed in my life also by my heavenly Father. From time to time as I came face to face with some life altering events, I reached out to the same exact individuals, he selected. To my disappointment, just like he, and all other humanbeings, none of these availed themselves to me. I do understand that I am currently married, and I am sure my heavenly father selected him also. He, also like most others does not care about my personal wellbeing but his own interests. The sorrow I feel and my frustration have no bearing on him but tremendous effects on my body.
Yet, pretty much like every other crisis in life, I had to face it without assistance and deal with it mostly single handedly. From first dealing with my daughter’s defiance, initially on my own, and lastly my breast surgery, has proven to be way too much for me. People are who and what they are as I am who and what I am. There are things about me that will never change and the blue print of what he or I am will always remain the same. Either, I can live with it, or it will destroy me. Currently, it is destroying me. I have been so overwhelmned and paralyzed from that, things have gotten way out of control. So finally, I feel compelled to put an end to this.
A way has been opened for me that I will now be able to do what I have asked each of these to do for me. After all I have experience with my husband, I am sorry; I also will appear to be no less than a lair because I will now walk away from all.
As a young woman, all I ever wanted was to serve the poor and not necessarily to have a partner. I started out doing too early in life, working and dealing with other people’s issues. As a result, I became as I am now, physically and mentally depleted. After I finish cleaning this current mess, I am going to walk away. I need to retreat and be on my own for awhile in order to recover from this ordeal. I will not pursue what I wanted to do as a young woman, but perhaps, I will now focus on one of my new found love. The joy of painting and writing, for with those I am fully content, and there is not any need for human involvement.
It may not be for a while because I need to be able to provide for myself without having to rely on my husband for assistance. I will have to stay put until I am thorough with my endeavor, but when I am done, I am also with everyone else.
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