Will Party Regardless!
This has been one of those few days where my spirit was so grieved, I could not see past the next hour. I was so afraid of truth, but the fact that I feared was not at all factual. Yet I wonder how my heavenly father could allow this to go on.
I had to come to terms with the actuality that one of my daughters has no kind of love or attachment to me. She had done vicious things to me in the past, but I never thought she was capable of her current fabrication. I had to convey to her that she was no longer welcomed in my life.
I could never willfully hurt another being in the way she has hurt others, even if my wrath were directed against another who hurt me. This is indeed an extremely sad day for me. With each passing day and my experience, I know it is to shape my future. I see my God removing people from my life, while allowing others to stay around. In my heart, I feel that this is unjust, and it is putting a wedge between me and my maker. I think that is his choice and something I cannot control. I find myself resentfully facing each day and making promises in my heart. Not to hurt those who has inflicted me, but to cut them permanently from my life.
I have no smiles today for him, who is now making such an effort to be courteous. I will do what I need to for as long as I need to be here, but I will not enjoy a minute of it. When I am done, I will not look back, but I will not embrace any that has deserted me in at this time.
My thighs are sore as if I pulled a muscle, but yet, I did not. My heart aches because of all the troubles, I’ve got. I spent the last few days getting ready to host a super bowl party, but I'm not in a party mood. I guess, I need to pull myself out of this funk because, I am not even capable of ruining this for my entire guest. So what does that say about me? Oh that I smile beautifully, and pose so that no one ever knows that I am hurting. I do my duty outwardly but inwardly, I'm deeply upset.
For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.
I had to come to terms with the actuality that one of my daughters has no kind of love or attachment to me. She had done vicious things to me in the past, but I never thought she was capable of her current fabrication. I had to convey to her that she was no longer welcomed in my life.
I could never willfully hurt another being in the way she has hurt others, even if my wrath were directed against another who hurt me. This is indeed an extremely sad day for me. With each passing day and my experience, I know it is to shape my future. I see my God removing people from my life, while allowing others to stay around. In my heart, I feel that this is unjust, and it is putting a wedge between me and my maker. I think that is his choice and something I cannot control. I find myself resentfully facing each day and making promises in my heart. Not to hurt those who has inflicted me, but to cut them permanently from my life.
I have no smiles today for him, who is now making such an effort to be courteous. I will do what I need to for as long as I need to be here, but I will not enjoy a minute of it. When I am done, I will not look back, but I will not embrace any that has deserted me in at this time.
My thighs are sore as if I pulled a muscle, but yet, I did not. My heart aches because of all the troubles, I’ve got. I spent the last few days getting ready to host a super bowl party, but I'm not in a party mood. I guess, I need to pull myself out of this funk because, I am not even capable of ruining this for my entire guest. So what does that say about me? Oh that I smile beautifully, and pose so that no one ever knows that I am hurting. I do my duty outwardly but inwardly, I'm deeply upset.
For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.
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